Welcome To The X$ue@nn Hood

Everyday Is A Beautiful Day

2010-04-02T14:49:00.003+08:00

because you're here with me :)

People keep wondering why I travel to and forth from UPM to Bangsar everyday. Some says it's a waste of time. Some say it's a waste of money. Some says it's a just plain pointless. Why not stay in KTP when I have classes every every morning?

Isn't it obvious?

Maybe it's hard for those who are not in my shoe to see it, but for me, nothing beats being home, waiting for my big pig pig to knock on the door. Seeing him standing at the doorway with his baby-cute-face and formal clothes, giving him a big hug even when he is sometimes sweaty as a pig, giving him a big kiss.. Nothing beats that.

And of course, waking up every morning to listen to the sound of him showering, the buzz from his electronic shaver, the smell of his "fire-extinguisher" as I call it, the smell of his peanut butter breath ;) and his every so often morning hugs and kisses.. What beats that?

And I want to experience that every morning and every night of my life.

Just yesterday, we had such an awesome piggy chilling time. An unexpected pig time is always a bonus! My big pig pig works real hard, with long hours. He rarely have time to even do anything apart from work. But that never keeps us apart for long. He always come home to me, always make time to chill with me, always there for me :) My sweet pig.

I'm so proud of him. He's dedicated, he's determined, he's really isn't a guy who gives up easily. He never gives up. Even when time are very tough and difficult. And that make him the best source of inspiration for many, especially me.

Yesterday was an unexpected piggy time and I had such a good time! We went for lunch at Spaghetti Grill, eating while watching a football match (such a sport fan my piggly pig), chit chat away in piggy language, went to the Sony Exhibition where he introduced me to his colleagues (I basically met all of the people he works with!), chit chat some more, went to the office to get his notes (more colleagues to be introduced) and finally went to Dome for some lekker ice-blended coffee!

My pig always treats me to nice things, introducing me to all the delicacies, fun stuff, trying new things together. He knew how much I love ice blend, and I must say, those in Dome is delicious!!! With chunk of chocolate on top, with bits of chocolate in the ice blend! Best coffee I ever had :) Of course, the price is pretty much the "best" one I had too but as my piggy love to say, he likes treating his kleine vet to something nice :) *soft kisses for my pig!*

And then we went to KL Sentral where he meets up with his team to check how things are doing, where I get to meet more of his colleagues ;)

Then, my big pig pig gotta shoot off for work :)

Everyday IS a beautiful day when I get to spend it with you, piggy pig! Ik hou so van je vette big :* And yes, I couldn't be happier that I met you.. X

A Moment Of Pure Exhilaration And Happiness

2010-03-31T18:18:00.005+08:00

Just last Sunday I have the most extraordinary experience. My heart beat fast, I'm so happy I'm about to explode, my face flushed, and I'm just speechless :)

Guess what brings a girl to that state?

Guess?

Wrong wrong wrong!

I'm sure no one got it right ;)

What happened you may ask? SUSPENSE!!! But I can tell you, all girls will be sooooo envious! :P

Answer out mid April!

Ik hou van je so much my mooie tril bil vet varken! :D *smooch*

Why So Angry?

2010-03-23T11:48:00.002+08:00

I'm a person who seldom gets mad, or angry or furious. Most of the time, if something gets to me, I'm just upset, disappointed, and sad. It's a really rare occasion when I do get mad. And when that happens, I get REALLY really mad.

Yesterday started off do well. I manage to register all my courses for next semester without much hassle which happened for the past three semester. I feel great. I feel good. Just a bit tired.

Towards the end of the day. The whole world came crashing down OR I think it's better to refer it as the volcano erupted.

Professor Madya Dr. Jamil Bojei, has finally reported me regarding my attendance. Despite having seen him (two time) to state my reason and even providing letter and try to negotiate with him, he is very unwilling to accept my letter. He is dooming a student for very real very vivid very predictable failure. Of the course that is.

Reason being is he is just following protocol and procedure. I understand that. But why the HELL would you not accept my letter? Just because I handed it to you after the holidays? Well, I did specifically told my classmate about this. But did you ask about me? I don't think so. No. Well, giving you the benefit of the doubt, even if you did, turns out the classmate I was referring to earlier just kept silent.

You're just not a very sociable lecturer. You come to class, and do your work. That it. All by the book. Do you know that procedure is dead and that being human is alive? Why follow the dead so intently and dedicatedly? Have you no mercy or sympathy?

To be exactly 80% attendance, one could not be absent less than 9 hours. In total I have 12 hours, (6 of them accounted for by the latter) which totaled in only 6 hours that I miss from your class.

I would understand fully if I am fail for my lack of knowledge but please, do NOT fail me for my lack of presence.

I am so mad, I really hope and wish awful things to happen to you. I did.

But to think I let this made me so angry. It's just a waste of my time and effort and energy.

I hope you feel satisfy with yourself for doing this. Maybe you will feel morally and ethically right for doing so. I seriously don't mind you reporting me, but why don't you take into account the letter? Why do you have to sign my fail form?

Now I just wish you would hurry up and report this so I could talk and negotiate with the Dean as soon as possible and get the outcome. I hope he is more a humane and kind person than you are.

On second thought, I would not have been so pisses if I fail this course. I could just retake it. But what pisses me real bad is YOU are the only lecturer who seem to be teaching this course. Something I would really not do again. I just don't want to see your face even longer than I have to.

I have no ill feeling about you now. I did yesterday. But I'm cool off now.

ps: He did this to 6 other student in his class -shake head-

I pray you have a happy life.

From The Beginning To The Next Chapter

2010-03-05T22:11:00.013+08:00

Just feel like expressing myself at the moment, but on the other hand, don't really feel like writing. What to do? :)

Here goes:-

I remember the first time we met, the first shot we took, awkwardly shy :) From this..

To this.. practically shameless ;)

And then, we went on a piggy trip to the cold cold land far far away! From this..

To this.. going back to the HOT HOT land far far away ;)

"I need thicker clothes! Caps, checked. Gloves, checked. Boots, checked. Coat, checked. Shawl, checked. Nice and warm ;) From this..

To this.. Sleeveless, checked. Sunglasses, checked. Shorts, checked. Sandals, checked. Almost naked, checked ;)

I remembered the first time we met, almost strangers ;) From this..

To this.. almost family! ;)

Getting to know the old man.. :) while building an old snowman ;)

Getting to know Stephan's sweet mum.. :) while trying all her delicious mooie dishes ;)

Getting to know Sander, the screaming gaming kid brother of Stephans'.. :) while gaming furiously in Soul Calibur and Mashed ;)

My lovely Dutch experience!~! :)

A picture does say a thousand word, don't they? :)

Shame: A Question Mark

2010-01-23T22:03:00.005+08:00

You know, I never understood that word. Maybe you can say that I´m shameless. I have never felt shame in my life. Something that I´m ashamed of. But..

Do I?

I made a lot of mistakes before, as I´m sure a lot of you has. To er is human. And being a fellow human myself, I´ve made my share.

I never regret. I don´t then, I don´t now.

If I could do it over again, I would have chosen the same path because I like the way I am now, and how my life is.

I have made the mistake of indulging my stubbornness.
I have made the mistake of indulging my desire.
I have made the mistake of being ignorant.
I have made the mistake of believing what is so obviously wrong is right.

If I have to count the deadly sins, I would have undoubtedly strike PRIDE and LUST and a little bit of Gluttony and Sloth.

I should practice more virtues instead!

Vice Virtue
Lust Chastity
Gluttony Temperance
Greed Charity
Sloth Diligence
Wrath Patience
Envy Kindness
Pride Humility

A wrong perception, a wrong interpretation.

In the end, maybe I am ashamed of how wrong my judgement can be.

I´m at peace with it.

There´s a saying that, I don´t know if I had quoted it before, but I´ll quote it again.

"A person is never good if they weren´t bad before".

I was ignorant then. I try not to be now.

With my honest, sincere, lekkere, mooie, good-natured, heart of gold piggy with me, I´m sure I´ll be an angel in no time!

I have everything I needed :)

In a way, I´m changing. I´m more humble, less idiotic and a whole lot clear minded. Like I´ve said before, what else can I ask for when I have my kleine vetje with me? :)

-Keeping my finger crossed!-

A Chat With A Friend

2010-01-23T20:46:00.002+08:00

I had a chat with a friend today. We chat through some lousy food at MV foodcourt, delicious cake at a black-out Secret Recipe's shop and unhealthy food at McDonald's. I still think we should have taken sushi! Healthy food, good for the stomach and unlimited supply of green tea!

But that's not the point.

Our chat is the point. Quote Mr Freddy Teo :-

---

Freddy:

I learn this in a leadership seminar.

Okay, imagine you're James Bond. Let's say you're in a dark alley and you're ambush by three big huge guys with knives and guns. They want to kill you. What are you going to do?

Stand and fight? Or run?

After evaluating the situation (I said run).

Okay, so you'll run. After running for a while, the alley turned left. What are you going to do?

Turn left.

You kept running until you reach a dead end but there's a built in ladder up the tall wall. What will you do?

Climb up the ladder.

After climbing up the ladder, you see a light. A door at the opposite side of the wall opened. What are you going to do?

Jump across.

So there you are in the room when the door lock shut behind you, leaving the three armed men behind.

Now the walls in the room started to closed in.

Closer and closer. 1 meter apart now.

Suddenly a hole opened up on the floor just right in front of you. But the hole is full of shit. Yet, there's still space for you to stand without drowning in shit. What are you going to do?

Jump in.

Now you're in a hole full with shit. The hole closes.

What do you feel?

Sue Ann:

Claustrophobic. I feel like crap, I feel stupid. I hate being here. I don't want to be here.

Freddy:

Where do you want to be?

Sue Ann:

Anywhere but here.

Freddy:

Why?

What if I tell you that being in the shit is the best place you could possibly be?

Sue Ann:

?

Freddy:

You see, the hole full of shit is your only available option at that time. What else can you do? You have no other option than the hole full of shit.

Sue Ann:

And your point is?

Freddy:

People are often unhappy because they always think that they could have done better. They could have did this, did that. Go here, go there. But what they don't know is, what they are now, or what they have done, is like James Bond ending up in the hole of shit. There's no other options. This is your only feasible option.

Sue Ann:

(For argument sake, I love to argue) But there's always choice. There HAVE to be choice no matter what in the beginning. And you have to choose. And what you choose is what happen to you now. What do you mean by no other option? For example, James Bond choose to run not to fight. If he had chosen to fight, he may not end up in a hole full of shit.

Freddy:

Correct. Human nature always teach us to choose we thought is best for us at that certain point of time. James Bond thought that he'll be better off running than fight off three huge men with knives and guns. He may end up dead for all he knows. So he decided.

Can't you see? When faces with a choice, people ALWAYS choose what they think is their best alternative. So in the end, it's their only choice.

For example, people are always complaining about something. But (majority of them) if you look back, and check out your options, you'll realized that you could do nothing better. That was your only feasible option.

This seminar does not teaches us 'How to do Better' but 'Be Happy with What You Do'.

Sue Ann:

So in this argument, people always choose what they think is right for them at that moment of the life? Meaning to say, you should regret what you did. If this is how it's supposed to be, why regret?

Hey, this is already what I believe in anyway. No regrets ;) I don't need a leadership seminar to teach me that. Unlike you. (And here the mocking goes on, which is uninteresting unless you want to hear what can be mocked about Mr Freddy Teo)

---

The moral of the story is, just be happy with who you are and what you turn out to be. If whatever things that befalls you (good or bad) did not, you would not have become who you are now. Just embrace what is, IS. And live your life with no regrets.

Be happy.

And know you'll always choose what's best for you.

Trust yourself and your judgement.

For better of worse, You made that choice :)

Picture Perfect

2010-01-20T22:36:00.010+08:00

Hmm.. Where did I get this word, Picture Perfect? I'm sure I heard or read it from somewhere.. Well, never mind! It suits the situation :)

---

The Makan-ing Pigs

spy spy makan makan :)

makan makan look look ;)

The Perversely Modified Pig By Yet Another Pig

a picture I regret having taken

a picture I gladly deny

The Heart Talks

Ik hou van je~
Ik hou ook van je~
but you're still pig ;)

The Chilling But Burnt Pigs

You & me and me & you

Time To Write

2010-01-19T23:07:00.003+08:00

I have just finish typing up my answer for my tutorial and giving up trying to "pray" for the internet to work so I could find my journal articles online via the sucky UPM library line, in which case is due tomorrow. Luckily I still have the time to complete that before class starts. There goes my lunch time!

I make a vow not to miss classes anymore. But why did I fail? I am not supposed to miss Monday classes. If I miss that, then all goes downhill. Monday is the start of the week and Monday is the start of hardworking-ness for me to pursue all my classes. I even have a comfy relaxing taxi driver to take me to classes Monday morning..

Cool breeze as I walk down with my piggy to the road, chilly air-conditioning in Taxi Ram cab, listening to Light and Essy (I know that's my mum stations' but who cares? It calms me down), it's such a perfect start to the week! Last week was awesome, so why didn't I maintain it this week? Now my Accounts lecturer wants to see me because I didn't attend her classes.

I'll go and see her at her office tomorrow. I hope she's in because I really don't want to have to do a double-take. I got no excuses so I'm just going to go in, say I'm sorry and promise I'll never do it again. This time.. Please let my words be true THIS time!

Piggy pig! Haven't I told you to kick me out of bed Monday morning? Whatever you do, GET ME OUTTA BED! Piggly pig.. Next time, get me out okay? Promise me, kleine vet? :) A promise is a promise pig!

And make sure we don't sleep through the alarm again.. LOL.

Tests next week. And I haven't studied yet. You know what? I think I need a study table where I can actually work and not the comfy red couch and a low table where I easily fall into my chilling mood. Hey, I'm a pro-chiller so never get me into that mood, or I'll chilled the whole day off :)

When Diana moves out, I'm hogging the dining table this time ;) Ah, I'm going to miss her. Who's going to nag us to clean then? Hahahaha! I'm glad Neil decided to stay. In one shot, an entire house full of strangers just makes me a little queasy. Now I've only got one Brazilian girl coming in, (can't wait to get to know her!). At first it was this New Zealand guy. THEN, I'll be queasy. A house full of guys? I think not :)

And of course if I'm going to babble, how can I not mention this! In less than a month.. In 3 weeks time.. Whee!~~~ I can't wait to go on a holiday with my piggy pig! Perhentian is like so long ago.. Ah going to the pig land, staying at the pig's home, eating the pig's homecooked food, go do what the pig's do best: CHILL! Cycling, ice-skating (if possible), watch a football match at a real stadium! And of course cuddling in at night, all warm and comfy underneath the sheets with my kleine vet and his vies bilen.

I can't wait! Tomorrow I'll be going back to my piggy pig! But of course, first stop by MV to grab a movie and sushi for dinner! Ah life is lekker! I miss you piggy pig! And pig, wake me up next Monday. I hope Taxi Ram is still available after canceling out on him so abruptly yesterday.. :)

Ik hou van je!~

Signing off,
Sue Ann
(19th January 2010)

Decisions: With An Exclamation Point

2010-01-12T16:26:00.003+08:00

So many things has come and pass me by. Christmas, New Year, events, feelings, emotions. So much more. I couldn't recap.

Time has come and gone. And furthermore too lazy to spell out my life if you get what I mean. Life is of course for living. Unless you're planning to write a memoirs, I don't supposed you're to make copies of your life in paper? ;)

Well, for starters I'm really starting back up now. With the new semester coming in, and with grades to catch up and of course a kliene vet to mock, so much to do, so much to do. I need focus this time around. Not to mentions all the decisions that come piling up on me.

Phew.. Decisions. God do I hate the words. Choosing from right and wrong. Choosing from this path and the other. Choosing from the back of your palm or the front. Choosing from one future life to another possible future life. Why do we have to choose?

You know, I read this book once, and the story was, well, complex. Let me get to the point. A man who made mistakes, choices, and who decided compared to a woman who never made mistakes, who just pass through life with no regrets, who always be neutral or let just say 'playing safe' all the time. Who's the choosen Holy man?

Guess?

It's the man who made mistakes.

A person is defined from the decisions they made. What decision built what they are. What choice form who they are. Whatever you choose to do says YOU.

The man has risk getting into situations where he knows he's going to have to make a choice, a commitment, a situation. He just basically take risks. And when the time comes, he choose. And that is what prove a person from bad or good, by the decision the make.

The woman on the other hand, never made a bad choice, never regret anything, because she just plainly doesn't take risk. Doesn't put herself in situation where she has to choose. So what can you tell about this woman? Can you say she's the Holy man? Well, she never made a mistake. Not once. What's the ten commandments again? Thou shall not kill, thou shall not steal and so on and so forth? Well, this woman didn't commit a single one.

But she isn't the Holy man but the man is. Why?

Just because? Nope. The woman never have to made a choice. How could you tell how a person is if she refrains from making choices? A person is who they are, bad or good, is based on what they decided.

Good story?

Well, there are reasons. I don't write for crap ;)

---

1. I decided to dedicate my time and effort to get better grade this semester.
2. I decided to of course enjoy and chill my time off with, of course a certain person, who is funnily a pig.
3. Get Kenny to be my supervisor, in which case I need an A for my Business Research this semester.

To achieve this, I need to readjust my options.

3. I decided to resign from my position as Manager in my past associated organization.
4. I decided to postponed one semester before deciding whether to retake some of my courses (proves I'm still procrastinating, so much for my story up there) with the excuse of weighing my options regarding the retakes based on this semester results which of course I fully intended to score.

After deciding, phew now I feel so much better.

Hmm... one more thing. I wanna change my Law from Group 1 to Group 2!!! How am I going to persuade the staff to do that? Wish me luck ;)

Movies Mood

2009-12-21T16:36:00.004+08:00

I'm just in a mood to reviews movies that I've watch recently. And that's because I've watch practically everyone of them! Some my choice, some no choice.

So here goes!

Avatar:-

Oh My God! This is one awesome movie ever! Director of Titanic James Cameron has upstage himself yet again with the release of his new movie Avatar. When I first saw the trailer, I find myself saying 'Muah.. just another one of those CGI film' but when it's out, I find myself intrigued to watch it.

And so, on busy Friday afternoon, I bought the tickets (escaping a long line of queue and press my luck at the reservation counter; the movie is already starting: 2.00pm)

So much about movie reviews. I won't break into details about the movie. I don't want to be responsible of breaking the sruprise! Because the movie is just too awesome!! Anyone wanting to watch it, I advise you, please watch the 3D version. I didn't. And now I find myself debating about watching it again in 3D. And by the way, I'm going to watch it again with my family when I'm going home for Christmas :) And STILL I'm debating the 3D watch-again.

It's an awesome world Pandorum. It makes me misses the olden day when all we have is nature and greens. Not explosive, pollution, smoke and gas. Ugh.

And though the native living there looking very so much different from us, I can't help but find them attractive, in their own way. Too big eyes, sharp teeth, an of course, their electric blue skin, and yet they look weirdly enough GOOD.

I rated it 9/10! A must-watch!

Twilight Saga: New Moon:-

Well I have to say, this is not my choice of movie to watch but, it is 2 hours 45 minutes and I need to spend my time away at the mall, so.. why not?

Turns out I was right. It's just.. dull. I watch the first one and I already didn't like it. At least this time around, the werewolf, a Mr Jacob make it worth my while to watch.

He looks good, he looks yummy, and he's not afraid to fight for what he wants.

On the other hand, the pathetic self-loathing useless vampire, a Mr Cullen just gets on my nerves. My god, how could anyone LIKES him??? All the fuss about Cullen, open your eyes people. He's just pathetic.

2 hours and 45 minutes of the movie just show him, slouching around and screwing up his face in what I supposed to be pain and miserablity. Grow up! You're like 100+ years old already. Be a man.

Nothing much to say about the girl. She can't help who she falls for. Don't care :P

Movie goes very slow, and like the first one, focus way to much on the photegraphic view of everything. Too much overly-perfect scenery, snapshots, and screenshots. Ya ya, I'm here to watch things moving? Called a movie?

Overall I rate this movie 3/10. And all points goes to Jacob, by looking good and acting right. Like the first movie, I don't recommend it.

Princess And The Frog:-

I love it! I cried from the start to the end! One of Disney best, I must say. And there were also a few memorably hilarious scenes! People laughing madly, HAHAHAHHAHAH!

Apart from being utterly romantic at time, it also show facts of life. Teach you a lesson or two. A choice often made by people. A choice that only YOU can choose. And of course, there's no right or wrong choice. It's just a choice.

If you have someone whom you think doesn't have his or her priority right, this is the movie I recommend. It's doesn't tell you what to do, it merely shows you both way and in the end of the day, it's a choice you make.

I especially adored the love story of the bumblebee (I'm not sure what to call the bug with a lightbulb as his butt) and his Evangeline. Ah, just saying the word Evangeline reminds me of the song, and how touching everything is..

I've never cried so bad watching Disney before, well, maybe I was way too young then, but this movie, indeed has me in tears :) Sweet touching tears..

I rated this movie 8/10. A must-watch as well!

Finally

2009-12-13T15:55:00.004+08:00

Ah, finally..

The clock struck, and the axe swings.

THUD.

There goes my Vice President position. And my burden of guilt.

A sigh of relief.

---

It's not easy to take up the courage to face the fact that you are a failure at something. To admit that you fail. And to face it.

It's tough but you have to face it to move on.

I've been guilt ridden for the past 2 month. I know I'm not doing good. Then why am I still a VP? I should speak up. Say something! Do something! But instead, I let time fly pass, things to drag, and hope the dust will settle itself.

All these while, feeling more and more guilty.

The saying in Chinese is correct. 'Pro-longed pain, why not shorten the pain?'

Today, I decided to take the heat and fall on my sword.

---

Wai Leong said, 'It's hard to earn respect and recognition but it's easy to lose.'

I want to start over. I don't want anything but to be part of the team and your friend again.

Let's hope next semester bring yet another new experiences, and surprise!

I can't wait for semester to start!

My Daddy's Birthday Dinner

2009-12-02T19:23:00.018+08:00

I just love eating. Eat eat eat! WE just love food :)

The gluttonous family, the Yeoh's!

Guess what? For my dad's birthday we went to this chinese restaurant to celebrate it. We ordered in advance, this dish that dish, bla bla bla.

Eiu Jyn: Don't tell them how many people, they'll charge almost the same (whispered) :P

And so..

Two hours later.

At the restaurant.

Family: Which is our table? (happily anticipating)

We saw a table all set up for ten. LOL. We ordered a table, and as you know, chinese dinner table fits for ten people. Ahhh.. We're so going to have a meal suit for 10!!

It was hilarious, to observed the waiter and waitress face when they saw how many people we actually consist of, and when they are delivering the dishes, which are big.. And I mean BIG.

Our 1st dish:-

A BIG bowl of shark fin's soup! Oh wow!

This is my bowl. I had 3 of this. Imagine that! Even before the real meals are up :p My family each has 3 bowl as well, isn't that something? :)

And the important thing is, WE actually finish it!

TADAH!

2nd dish:-

'Five Happiness Dish' I think that's what it's call. Couldn't ping yin it LOL.

As you can see, there 10 of everything. I love the aluminium stuff, it's real yummy! It's hot and somewhat like the dimsum, 'Phaikut'. :) The otak-otak was really good as well, and the yam stuff, swe-et! The rest, the lobakish stuff, not my type :P We didn't manage to finish everything though, gotta left some stomach for the real main dishes! :P

3rd dish:-

Finally the most anticipated dish arrives!

Suckling pig! Babi panggang! Yum-my! Ahhh, I never felt ever more sinful. The fat, the three layer delicacies! Owwww! -LOL I almost howl..- :P It's so good...

After this, our stomach is really stuffed. And after all the fats, we really seek refuge of our chinese tea. Everyone is gulping one cup after another down. Especially my little sis :P

TEA! More tea!

4th dish:-

My fairest fish of them all, the Cod 'Snow' Fish! Omg, it's sooooo thick! I never ate such a big chunk from a Snow fish before. Tasty.. Though the cod liver oil from it really makes us all 'garing'.. Overwhelming! Though extremely delicious :) Ah... Chinese food, it's been so long :P -looked on hungrily-

We didn't leave a single flesh on the bone :P

5th dish:-

Salad prawn! Big fat juicy prawns that are already peeled and waiting for us to bite into. Just reminiscing makes me drool.. Though sadly to say, at that time, we are all really really stuffed. I ate 3 deices as did my sibling and my parent :) We left over quite a number of fat prawns.

Eiu Jyn: Take it back for supper! -very happily-

Everyone: Agrees! Yum!

6th dish:-

'Emperor Mee'! or should I say, 'Dai Wong Meen'. Well, it is my dad's birthday and of course, it calls for this heh heh :P We ate only one plate of the mee though, hahahaha! And we packed up the rest. Delicious still :P

Phew... After all that, wow. Are we stuffed :) Though the whole family is smiling from ear to ear. Even the waitress serving us are smiling sneakily, mockingly :P Hehehe.

One waitress was so enthusiastic that when the Suckling Pig arrives, and we all too wolfish to think much further, dived for it..

Waitress (in chinese): Eh, you don't want to take picture?

HAHAHAH! And we sheepishly, putting the meat back, snap a few shots :)

We are one indulgence gluttonous family and I love it! Yippee! ^^

Here's how we look after the dinner:-

The birthday man!

The gentle-woman!

My cute piggy sis!

My big jokerman bro!

And of course ME!

TADAH!

Yeah right, I look like THAT after such a BIG meal :P

Here I am :) Heh heh

Happy birthday DAD! *muacks from everyone of the Yeoh's including a certain pig*

Wish you best of luck, healthy always, and a prosperous and happy birthday! ^^

When Time Are Tough

2009-12-01T18:48:00.001+08:00

Life is full with ups and downs, but in the end, it's who you share it with that matters :) And I'm a listener.

---

It's a world of laughter, a world of tears
It's a world of hopes, and a world of fears
There's so much that we share
Then it's time we're aware
Its a small world after all

There is just one moon and one golden sun
And a smile means friendship to everyone.
Though the mountains divide
And the oceans are wide
It's a small small world

---

Work hard now, and you'll receive the fruits of your labor later :)

Can't wait to see you pig! X

When I Teared

2009-11-25T23:24:00.004+08:00

... it´s not because I´m sad.

It´s because it really make my heart heavy to see you, so unlike you.

And conciously or subconciously, I know, it´s partly because of me..

---

Everynight I waited for you to get back.
And when I see you come through the door, my heart lit up.
I smile from inside out.
I want to hug and kiss you.
I´m just so glad to have you with me again.

But sometimes,
When you come through the door,
Looking so demotivated,
Tired,
Exhausted,
The positive optimist vibe faded,
The beautiful alert smiling eyes waned,
My heart just feel a tug.

And my eyes can´t help but teared.

I hate crying in front of you.
I want to be strong for you.
Supporting you.
Helping you.
Just being there for you.

I just care about you too much.
You´re my mooi lief varken, vetje.

---

When I teared, it´s because ik hou van je.
I appreciate all that the pig did for me.
And I´m very happy with the pig.
The pig just make me happy ^^
My pig with his crappy joke and lekkere billen :)
Billen trillen, heh heh.

Time are tough, but pig, you´re my pig, and my pig ROCKS! Lekkere vetje!~

And the pigs are the pigs! We rocks at chilling and being the hugables!^^ Nothing can stop the pig from enjoying themselves la :) We´re too good at that, hehe!

my mooi lekkere pig who´s going to kill me upon seeing this ;)

I Love Beauty

2009-11-17T19:06:00.009+08:00

I just love beauty.

Especially the art of a human psychic.

Look at that. Isn't that perfection? The arch, the curves. Perfection! I really like this picture. The elegance. The wavy black hair, the contour of the body. Even the color brings out the inner voice of the picture. A picture says a thoudsand words, so they said.

I just love seeing these kind of beauty pictures. In the mall, I just admired all the models on the walls of boutiques, pillars, and billboards!

The eyes..

The expression it potrays..

See the beauty!

Flawless legs!

Observed the arch. It screams passion, seduction. The gothicness of the picture create a sense of mystery. Ah pictures! How magical! :)

Notice that even without the eyes, the doorway to expression, this picture shows emotion. The nose, and the curve of the lips. Brings out a posh feeling, a snobbish feel to it. Pretty curve of the mouth ;)

Since I'm so obsessed with beauty right about now, I took some quiz about beauty. Here are some of my results :)

Daisy Duke
You are energetic and playful and love to hang out with the boys. When it comes to life, you are all about embracing the here and now. As her name suggests, a true Daisy Duke looks best in short shorts and a sexy ribbed tank (no bra). Your hair and makeup should be no-frills and natural—the kind of go-anywhere, do-anything look that suits you best.

Sexy
You're into super high heels, lacy underwear, low-cut shirts and showing off what you got. You catch the most people's eyes and persist in your own style. People thought you are a smart person and you have many friends.

Ralph Lauren
Ralph Lauren. A hopeless romantic, you love love. You are a free-spirit, who paints and explores nature in her freetime. Ever so girly, you like flowery things that capture the innocense you project. Often a bit Bohemian, your style is usually relaxed and comfortable. Guys adore your cuter-than-life-itself nature and free-love philosophy.

I used to be this : I guess I changed ;)

Gucci
Gucci. Sophisticated yet sensual, you are cutting-edge. Extremely classy, your attitude can sometimes be described as snobby. However, you are always elegantly outfitted in the latest trend. You are modern and usually serious, but sexual at the same time. As far as guys are concerned, you tend to go after the rich CEO. Guys love your tough-girl attitude and can't resist your bold charm.

Gisele Bundchen
Slightly exotic and perfectly gorgeous

Messy hair
You don't care about getting your hair messy at all! Try tying up your hair without using a brush for a cool effect or try the short hair in the summer!

ROSE EYES
You have Rose Eyes! Positive Traits: Compassion, Patience, Understanding, Innocence, Generosity Negative Traits: Naive, Overly Optimistic, Ignorant, Passive, Easily Taken Advantage Of

Well, it looks like I've mellow down from being an Type A agressive dominative person to a somewhat neutral, patient, mellowed person!

I love the change! I embrace the change :) The new me!

To My Mommie Dearest

2009-11-17T16:39:00.004+08:00

My Mommie dearest,

Sweet as she is, she never fails to always be tough when the time calls for it.
Loving as she is, she never fails to scold or reprimand I misbehaved.
Mommie-ish as she is, she always make me feel at home, at ease and safe.

I just love my awesomely great home-maker Yeoh Mommie!

Where would I be without her?

---

Here are some of my mom's messages for me. Look at how sweet she can be!

~~~

Lui Lui

Be alert when attending this type of casting/modelling session. Make sure its in a respectable neighbourhood

with reputable/established studios. Don't follow them to any fishy place especially if they want to discuss in

a hotel room or a close-up area. Usually this type are not professional. Might be a scam. So take care, okay.

Loves You

MUM

~~~

To My Daughter, Sue Ann with loves

Some quotes I happen to come across.

"Wisdom is knowing when to speak your mind and when to mind your speech"

"It's how we deal with failure that determines how we achieve success"

Interesting quotes, right. Hope you like it.

MUM

~~~

Hi daughter dear

Proud that you went for the Twitter casting. Being called to attend is already an achievement, the

rest let nature takes it course, okay. Just be happy that we experience what casting is all about.

As usual, the same advice..."BE ALERT"

LOVES

MUM

~~~

My Sue Ann @ No Mean Bone

Whatever You Do
Mum Will Be With You
Always A Step Behind
Making Sure Everything's Fine

Take Care

MUM

~~~

Sue Ann My Daughter

All The Best In Whatever You Do

And

May All Your Wishes Comes True Mum With Loves

Stephan

Wishing You All The Best

And

May Whatever You Do Brings Success Aunty Yeoh With Warmest Regards

P/S. Wishing Both Of You Happiness Always

~~~

Isn't that sweet? And she even put up all these cute emoticons! My computer illiterate mom, using all these emoticons. It's really amusing to me. Hee hee~!

---

*muacks*

Always your little girl.

ps: couldn't find any more cuter baby picture!

Mom & Dad Weekend Visit

2009-11-15T19:45:00.011+08:00

I had a lekkere weekend!

My mom and dad came over to visit! It's been so long since I've seen them. Mainly because I'm mostly in KL. It's so nice have them over, even just for a weekend to chill, catch up, and just plain hanging out together. I miss that!

Though I still misses Penang, you know, the delicious food.. Imagine the big fat grilled crab, cheesy prawn, 'snow' fish, yum yum! I just love seafood. Of course, not to mention my mum awesome cooking! It makes me wanna yelled, 'Ik wil eten!' Home-cooked soup, fried prawn, honey chicken, curry chicken, steam fish, steam egg, asam prawn, even my mom favorite pot of veges is yummy to me!

Enough about food. Now I sound like a pig.

Of course I miss chilling with my siblings as well. The piggy family. Can't wait to go back home for my dad and me birthday! ^^

Before I digress too much, let's get back to the main topic. Ah, the weekend visit.

Friday morning, and my parent arrived at the doorstep. I have yet to wake up, when I heard my phone ring and my mum voice, 'I'm five minutes away!'

'Okie!'

Knock Knock.

'Come in. Come in.' And I rush to the showers.

After getting myself to look decent and more me once more, we sit in the living room and chat. Just the good old time. Stephan call to invite us over to lunch and dinner (he's at work), but we decided to go for dinner. We still have stuff to pack from UPM. My stuff. My boot-full worth of stuff. I didn't know how I got so much stuff just 6 month in university.

Travelled over, and rush to my room. Huh! What a coincidence! My roomie was also packing! The room was fully crowded. Her whole family was there. Even her cute little brother.

Not wasting much time, (I work FAST!) we went in and start clearing. I pack my cloths into my luggage, stuff into my boxes, books into bags, and papers into files. In less than 30 minutes, I'm all done. Everything in the back of my dad trusty old car :) Am I quick or what?

Hehe, even my roomie dad was like, 'Done missy? Wow! Maybe you should help my daughter. They have been packing for ages! LOL!'

After that we went back, planning to look for some hotel nearby so that my parent could check in. But there's not much near Bangsar with my parent's budget. I don't really feel good with them spending a lot on this trip. So after discussing awhile, we decide, maybe my parent could just stay over at the apartment! We have an extra matress outside. It should be no problem :)

First thing first, gotta check with Stephan and the housemate of course! Well, after discussing with my vette big, we decide that we could take the bed outside and my parent could use the room. We're ladies and gentleman, people! No parent sleeping in the living room!!!

Diana is kind enough to say yes! She's even happy to let my parent stay over and even offer some rolled up mattress her friends have. What can I say? I'm so lucky to have a housemate like Diana :) Well, Neil on the other hand, is nowhere to be found. And since Neil is such an easy going guy, I bet he wouldn't mind either, right Neil? :)

Rooms settled. Now it's dinner time! We went to Hartamas, where Stephan was stationed. Hee hee, 'One minute of your time.' Bla.. Bla.. Unicef.. Bla.. And with that he even got my parent's to sign up, that sneaky fellow! Well, my parent already decide to go for it, even before that, when I told them about it. So 1 + 1 = 'I' make the sales! :P

*Stephan even got a gift from my mom* Not fair! ;)

Dinner was awesome! We ate at Station Kopitiam. Maybe I was too hungry or because my parent's there, but I really enjoyed dinner.

Later at night, we explore Bangsar. Now my dad's like a Bangsar-nite! He knows all the road's nook and crannies! :)

After having McDonald's for supper, we went back to the apartment. Refresh ourself and Stephan came home. Ah, my mooi pig!

My dad didn't bring his t-shirt and he need a cosy shirt to dawdle about in. Can you guess what he got instead?

Stephan: Are you a proud Malaysian?

Dad: Yeah!

Stephan: I got the Malaysia football jersey!

Ah, dad in a football jersey. How adorable!

We sit around the living room, chatted, snacked a lot, chat some more before my parent's go to bed.

Truth to be told, sleeping in the living room is all that bad! It's actually wayyyyy cooler than the stiffly hot room LOL.

The next day, lunch at Sushi King with Mr Stephan again, and then off to explore MV. Shop shop and more shopping! Hee hee should shop more when parent's are in town. Attepmt to go for a game of pool with my dad, (Stephan beg them to win me over since I trashed him before, 3-1) but too bad. No table :(

Off we go to Gardens, didn't buy anything though. And went to Borders. Read abit before we went off to dinner with Stephan again. This time Carl's Junior. A frustrated, demotivated, and sad pig greet us. Hard time selling at MV.. though I never doubted my pig to succeed :)

You can do it! Because you're my pig, and my pig is lekker!

Went back to the apartment again. Farmville a lot. Though I don't really have much friends who played Farmville. It's kind of boring with nothing to adopt, nothing to steal.

S came home feeling really tired. So we chatted a little, and my parent went off to bed. Played a game of football, in which, I won :) Again. I'm beginning to think you could never win me in a bet, vette big.

The next day loom ahead. The sun is rising. And everyone starts stirring. Send the piggy out the door, and have a chilled breakfast with my parent. Spend the morning chatting with my parent again. My mum starts piling on the advises, her messages, her motherly nag.

'Remember to call ya.'

'Must take care kay?'

'Don't go out at night.'

Bla... Bla... Bla... :)

I'll remember that, Yeoh Mommie.

Had lunch with Stephan again at Station Kopitiam, bid farewell and my parent's on their way home. Dropping me off at Bangsar, we hugged and kissed.

Ah, my parent. My sweet parent. I love them. It's been a great weekend ^^ Can't wait till the end of November!

-muacks!-

Until then, cheers!

ps: Too bad Eiu Jyn, you cannot come :( If not more fun!

Castings And Acts

2009-11-11T21:04:00.002+08:00

Truth to be told, I was at a casting last Sunday.

And you know what?

It was one of the funniest, weirdest, fake-est thing I've ever done!

I was scrolling around this part time site looking for some odd jobs. Well, mostly part time modeling job if possible. So, there I was clicking and forwarding my portfolio and profile. I didn't pay much mind what exactly I was applying, just no job at any clubs.

There's all kind of odd job that requires models, like this great big dinner at Hotel Kuala Lumpur and they want a model who could usher VIPs and give a speech. That sounds like a great job right? Only a night and RM300-500. No feedbacks yet though.

There's even job where people are looking for model to shoot a video, specific, American accent. There goes the job. Like I have any accent what-so-ever except my old favorite Manglish.

But then, there are the job that requires model to serves drinks at bar, entertain customer, sell as much beer as you can etc. Well, I've been clubbing before and that is so not what I see myself doing.

So you can imagine I applied for all sorts of jobs except those.

And two days later, whose sms did I receive? Gary Talent wanted me to attent this casting they have on Sunday 12pm-6pm, Mont Kiara. Well, that was the day Stephan is supposed to have his day off, so I was very undecided.

On one hand, I'm not confident at all if I'll get the job. I'm never confident going into a situation where you are judge based on looks. If I were to go for a market meet, I'm way more confident.

On the other hand, well, you'll never know when is your lucky break. Who knows?

It's a tough decision.

Discussing it with Stephan helps, and in the end, I decided to go.

Stephan's really sweet and supportive. He's just my lovable vette big. My darling lekkere bilen ;)

I was told to dress stylishly, cool. I put on something I think is casual enough and yet still look stylish. A black top and this cool jeans that I just bought recently. I like the jeans because it makes me look tall. Heh heh.

Took a cab. Went to Mont Kiara.

Turns out I was early. I call up the guy and he wasn't there yet, so I had lunch beforehand.

Around 12.15pm I went over and saw the guy. Turns out he's also waiting for another guy who has the key. So we talk a little. Ask about the castings, the job, what I'm actually supposed to do.

In awhile the guy came around. Went up the elevator to the office. First time in a casting studio. Hmmm..

I was the only one, guess I must be pretty earlier. Well, I was taught to be early for appointment.

He took a small white board, wrote down my name, age and height.

Very much like a prisoner, I'm supposed to get a shot with me holding the board. Hmmm..

After that, he took some pictures of my face, close up. Well, taking pictures I'm used to. What I'm not used to comes next.

He now wants to take video of me. I'm supposed to say my name, age and height.

So I did and he was unsatisfied. Too fast. So I speak slower, trying to be more sweeter. I still think I have a horrible voice :)

And then, I'm supposed to turn to the left, and then right, front, and then a circle. Hmmm.. My lack of understanding his commands made him ask, 'You never done this before? Your first time?'

Embarrassed..

Finally came the horribly funny and fake part! Oh my god, I still can't help thinking 'What am I doing?'HA HA HA!

Now come the EXPRESSIONS!

He stood there with his camera, and says, give me a happy face!

And there I go making the happiest face I can muster, added with hand gestures as well. I'm going way out, over the top kind of act. Wow, how more fake could I be. I feel like a total fake!

Actings.. (shake head)

Happy face! Sad face! Angry face! Surprise face!

I did it all. Giving it my best. Though I was serious, I can't help thinking, oh my god, acting is SO fake!

'Your surprise face not so happening la..' One more time. Start over.

Here goes again.

Now comes the scene..

Beforehand, while waiting for the key master, we did talk about the casting today. What's it about? What's it for? And how to do it.

Well, the casting is to choose a suitable candidate to shoot an ad for Twitter, you know, the social website. And as you know, Twitter specialize in this 'bird'.

I'm supposed to act out this scene (the very sketchy one- I think will be heavily edited later during the real shoot).

'First, there's a box. You're supposed to open the box. There's some magazines in it. You take it out. Suddenly there's a bird inside. You scooped it out. A look of uttur surprise. The bird flies out of your hand. You get excited and very happy, looking at the bird flying around you (when there is none.. hmmm akin Transformer heh heh).

I give it my best shot, though I had to do the scene three or four times before he was satisfy. And after that, I'm all free to go. Hmmm that's fast.

If I get selected, I'll be contacted for the fitting which is scheduled next week, and then a day of rehearsal and then the next day, the real shooting. I'm still keeping mjy finger crossed, though it is highly unlikely that I would get the job.

Well, if you see me, you see me. If you don't see me, you don't see me ;)

Adios!

ps: Though it's very fake, this casting got me very interested in acting! Wee~ Who know I had it in me? To be a fake?

Once Upon A Time

2009-11-11T16:00:00.002+08:00

.. there live a young girl name Bella. At the youthful age of six, she was filled with amazement and wonder for the world. Her eyes shone with curiousity, even for the smallest of thing, nature's magic.

She woke up everyday to the bright warm sunlight streaming in through her window. Looking up, rays of sunlight lit up her sleep-befuddled face.

As Bella was soak under the tingling warm glare of the sun, her mind float, float right up to the clouds. Her thoughts adrift.

---

'Ice cream!'

'Chocolate!'

'Mashmellows!'

-gasp-

'A puppy!'

As she looked on, she saw a living room. A family. The parent have just surprised their kids with the puppy! Aw, how sweet! The children were delighted! And so was the puppy.

The puppy yipped and dance around the kids. Licking their faces and wagging it's tail.

They named him Ripley.

Days passed, and everyday you can see the puppy, wagging it tails impatiently, waiting at the door. Waiting for the kids to get back home. And everyday you can see the kids playing happily with the puppy. In the park, taking him out for a walk, playing fetch, lazing around scratching its belly, behind its ear.

---

Now, the puppy has grown into a dog. Big.

Hey, it's the living room again!

But why does Ripley looked sad?

The family are saying goodbye. He's being sent off in a white van! Why?

At the pound, a nurse and a big needle.

Someone stop her, the vet. 'He's perfectly healthy! I can't do this.'

Bella instantly like the vet.

'Let's give him away.'

---

-Cheers- -Boos- -Uproar-

What's this noise?

Two dogs were fighting. Very bad.

Stop! Bella cried, 'You're hurting each other!'

Bella watched as one big black dog snap his long sharp filed teeth into the neck of another dog.

Suddenly, Bella recognized the other dog. It's Ripley!

She watched as the black dog teeth sunk deep into the neck. Blood spurting out. And still he have a grim grip on the Ripley's neck. He's is trying to escape but he can't. Slowly but evidently, he loses his strength. He whimpered. His hind doesn't supports him no more. And he fall limp, like some ragdoll the dog use as his chewtoy.

NO!

There was an uproar. And Bella realize, there were people around the dogs. People cheering on the fight!

Someone came in and restrained the big black dog on a leash. Another came in and took Ripley's corpse.

As Bella watched, he throwed the lifeless body of the dog into a dug up hole in the corner of the barn. Like it was never something alive!

As she looked into the hole, horrorstrucked, she saw about twenty or more dog bones in it. It's the dog's grave. They fight till the death!

How could people be so cruel?

---

They are animals, but is animal not a life? They are born. They lead a life. They experiences feelings, devotion, love, friendship. What makes them different from you or me? Who are we to violate that?

Quotes:

From 'Bones' Season 4 Episode 4: Dedicated to all dogs who died from the cruelty of mankind.

"I feel that this dog, Ripley paid a price that is unfair."

"On behalf of humankind, I like to apologize for what happen to him. He was born a cute little puppy. And the people who adopted wants to kill him because they are too stupid to realize that he will grow into a big dog. Ripley was a good dog. He didn't want to fight. But he did it to please his master. It wasnt Ripley fault that his master was cruel and selfish. Like all dogs, Ripley only saw the good in people. Dogs are like that. People should take a lesson."

Don't be ignorant. Animals are beings too.

Stop cruelty to animal.

Portfolio and Profile

2009-11-06T14:22:00.005+08:00

Name: Sue Ann Yeoh
Age: 20
Gender: Female
Height: 166cm
Weight: 47kg
Stats: 34, 24, 34
Eye color: Brown
Hair color: Black

RoadTRIP!

2009-10-05T16:15:00.014+08:00

I had the most active weekend ever!

Mood to write is diminishing after frustrating for hours in front of the computer struggling with course registration and Mr. Idiot ESMP.

Here's a little insight on what happen last Saturday.. :)

Roadtrip!

Here we are after 2 hours drive from KL to somewhere in Pahang. The Elephant Reserve. We're way early so we stop by some 'orang asli' cottage. We even had a shot with the I-don't-know-how-you-call-it-thing. We aim good ;)

Finally, it's time!

Elephant feeding and washing! I never seen an elephant before, and this was amazing! I'm so glad that we decided to wake up at 8.30 in the morning. We're so about to 'Screw the elephants, lets sleep' ;)

My first thought of elephant is that they're very huge and heavy, and most probably would be standing still, being lazy. But what I see is an entirely different thing! Take a look :)

The elephants are swaying like crazy! With rhythm! Not only with their trunks but with their whole body! It's really funny to watch. They're so restless! And then these two tourist jumps in and sway with the elephant. Such an embarrassment.. Tsk tsk! ;)

This 7 years old elephant is the most mischievous of all. It sways non-stop and when it's feeding time and the keepers are getting the food ready for the dumb tourists (me included), she strained towards it, even with her ankle latched! Opening her mouth, lifting her trunks.. Too bad no one took notice of her though :) until feeding time, that is.

Then, it was the elephant ride!

I screamed a lot! Not terrify scream but scream of delight! Plus, I just find sitting on the back of the elephant without a saddle a bit too ticklish and weird! With my shorts, I could feel the elephant hairs and back moving right under me. It's just so weird! And the elephant we sat was huge.. Hahaha! It was a fun ride though!

Time for the hot and sweaty elephant to take a bath, in the river! We actually thought of bathing with the elephant, hence the T-shirt I was wearing but a look at the water totally change my mind. It's so murky! And we're right, 8 minutes into the bath, one baby elephant pooped right into the river!! But watching people get toppled over when the elephant make a roll was fun ;)

A little disappointed when we couldn't get wet. It was a really hot day, and I'm sweating. But all was not lost when Dan come up with the idea of going to the waterfall. Awesome!

I was really tired so I took a on-off nap on the belly's lap (Thanks, dikzak!). It was a very tricky road, lots of turns and drifts. Give me a headache.. We pass by this construction site and the tourist just had to get out and take a few snapshots.. Tourists tourists ;)

After more turns and scenes of landslides-postmortem, we finally reach the place. It was fantastic! The water were so clear, the smell so cool, the strong sound of the current.. Positive energy all around, people! Life is good!

We immediately got into the water, and my, was it freezing cold! I was shivering! But it's a real refreshing experience! There were lots of rocks, so it's a bit tricky to swim. But of course as a good swimmer, I manage. We got up the rock, did some pretty awesome shot with the great waterfall view in the background, acting retarded, all these while with people watching.

Celebrities! At least the piggy dikzak was. Here, take a look! (waiting for pictures to be uploaded- patience!)

We had great fun.

Lastly, after such an active day, we're starving! Time for dinner!

And of course, being a great and awesome host, Dan took us to Lookout Point! I always wanted to go there and my god, the view was awesome! We had dinner at Haven, sitting way at the edge. It's a really relaxed dinner. I had an really good meaty meal, Lamb Chops, 3 big juicy slices! Totally worth my money :)

Tired and full, it's time for home.

I'm really glad we didn't decide to 'Screw the elpehants' ;) Thanks, Dan!

NoThing Matters, People Do

2009-09-30T04:08:00.008+08:00

My writing mode is back!

Time to get creative!

What should I write? Hmm..

Here’s one!

What’s the most important element in a person’s life story?

This is me. A normal girl standing at 5’5, weighing about 47kg. I used to have long black hair and really fair skin. That was then. Now, I have short black hair and really tanned skin. I woke up one day, and find myself occupying a colored body. I look different. But I’m still me inside.

The arrogant, indignant, egoistic, over-confident, bitchy side of me but of course no one is perfect ;) I’m also tainted with a simpleton nature. I lead a normal, simple, sweet, lively, loving life. Occasionally colored with crappy humor, dumbly comments, sarcastic jokes and of course tender moments that will shimmer in the eyes.

One plus four equals five. This is my family. A normal traditional family of five, a tender loving mom, a rock solid dad, a food-loving sister, a stand-up comedian brother and bullied eldest sister, namely me. My family is my foundation. My background. My history.

Rule No. 1: No secret, no locked doors, no skeleton in the closet (oops, what about the Boogie man?)
Rule No. 2: Please, do argue (but never go to bed mad).
Rule No. 3: Who have our back? The Yeoh’s have our back!
…
Rule No. Infinity: We love each other dearly. Infinitely.

This is the piggy dikzak, better known as the belly man, golden pig, dumb tourist and far worse names that you wouldn’t even want to hear or know ;) which I must add describe the piggy indefinitely. He he.

He’s the funny weird guy who got me laughing at his crappy jokes,
He’s the twisted guy who sings about pigs,
He’s the sweetest guy who sweet me to tears,
He’s the cutest worry-wart that bring a frustrated smile to my face,
He’s the most boyish man-child I ever know,
With his black cap, tourist glasses and T.
And oh, how much I adore this funny, weird, twisted, sweet, cute, boyish belly man 

These are the AIESECer. My family away from home. All of them.

First introducing the daddy of the family, Mr Lim Wai Leong. The boss, the silent contemplator, the observer, the constant =) man, the back bone of the family. I admired him. I salute him. And I love him for loving me. Even at times when I’m disobedient, inefficient, whiny, lazy and being just plain me, he’s still there patiently with his smiling face, looking on, encouragingly, still backing me up whenever I need him. Seeing his smile always calms me down.

These are my hang-out buddies, best friends, chi-muis, heng-tais. We’re inseparable. We share secrets, gossips, stories, emo-ness, test stress and we help each other through thick and thin. We see each other 24/7, hang out practically every night! Niellos, Diana’s, Mines, Jusco, Alamanda, Putrajaya, Borders, SS2. It’s always fun hanging out with you guys.

At least, we used to be. We don’t hang out much anymore. And I think that’s part of my fault. 99.99% my fault. I wished I have put in more efforts, more determination to make things better, to reconnect. I thought I tried, but I didn’t. Now seeing pictures of you guys, doing things that we always used to do together, makes me sad. Sad that things are the way it is.

Nothing matters, people do.

I know some things can’t be rewind and it’s no use crying over spilt milk. But I just hope, maybe, things can be different..

The STOP Island

2009-09-29T13:38:00.008+08:00

It’s been a while since I updated my blog about my life. And that’s because I’m too busy living life to write about it! So many things have happen since I don’t know how long ago. Beautiful things. Sweet things. Memorable things. Things that don’t feel right to be written about. But held forever dearly in my heart. Something special only a few shared.

But I feel like writing today. Maybe it’s just my sub conscious trying to find something to do other than facing the torturous book of Microeconomics. Luckily it’s only 50 objective questions tomorrow. One browse should be able to do it.

So here’s a little update on what I’ve been up to all these while, apart from the frustrated blog previously. A little fire throwing from me.

For starters, the past week long holiday, guess where I was? I was at Perhentian Island! And I can tell you that, its paradise!

I went back to KL on Tuesday, meet up with the piggy dikzak and Mr. Crab at the apartment and venture down to Kuala Besut on the 8.30pm bus trip. We got so screwed over by the bus company. We’re supposed to have the VIP seats but instead we end up with the four-seater ones. Not only that, but we realized halfway through the bus ride that the bus wouldn’t even go to Kuala Besut but instead to Jerteh (via a backpacker couple in the bus)!! We got stranded somewhere in Jerteh, nearby a children playground and have to take a cab to Kuala Besut’s jetty.

We arrive at around 6am, bought the tickets and wait. Chatted a little with the backpackers, watch the sun rise before it’s time to leave for the STOP island!
I was tired, grainy eyed and just plain shabby looking I guess. Trips, I’m not really fond of that. That’s just me. I don’t really look forward to a certain thing until I’m there. And then I get really excited and jumping about. That’s what happens.

Sitting in the boat, zooming its way into the deep blue ocean, watching as the waves rushed by, looking into the horizon, the cool morning sea breeze slapping at my face, feel the tinge of sunlight on my skin tiny spray of water sprinkling away at me, that’s some sensation! I couldn’t wait to get to the island, slip into my bikini and jump into the water!

As we approach the island, the water became so clear that I could actually see the bottom! I saw a turtle swim pass, taking its own sweet time. And –gasp- a jellyfish! We stop at an island call Paradise, where a few other passengers got off, but we’re heading for Long Island. So we speed off again.

Once we arrived, another smaller boat came up to fetch us to the island. At that point, I wouldn’t mind at all if I slip and fall into the water. I just want to dive into the fresh cool water..

Board the boat, and arrived safely to shore. Felt the sand under my feet, between my toes. Even the sand is so soft, smooth and clean. Just so sandy!

We went up to the Matahari chalet thing, and book ourselves a cozy shack. And it is a shack. A wooden house, with a ceiling fan, with a bed surrounded by this mosquito net and a built in bathroom. Though it may seem a bit shacky, but it’s actually very quaint, and I had a great sleep there. And It’s so cold at night!

After we checked in, we went outside for some food, breakfast. There this small diner just in front of the beach. There’s sand everywhere! There’s no floor, even the reception area of the Matahari is covered with sands. So tropic!

After getting our stomach filled, we went back and saw this snorkeling trip. Query a bit and got ourselves on board for the next trip at 10.30am. In the mean time, we slip into our swimming things, and run right into the sea.

The water is awesome! You have to venture real deep before the water comes up to your neck. I was like a long way away from the beach. Played like a couple of kids in the water. Got tossed around a lot by the two Flying Dutchmen, did a dive from the piggy’s shoulder, tasted a lot of salty water and thoroughly enjoyed myself. The water is so clear, it’s like I’m swimming in the pool!

After the crazy swimming, we went back to shore, got some towels and lay on the beach, letting the cool sea wind dry us up.

Around 10.30am, we got up back to the reception to wait for the snorkeling trip. We got some basic education about how to use it, test it, and off we go! Into the boat and off to the first site. The turtle watching!

I slipped into the snorkeling gear and dive right in after the piggy. At first I don’t really know how to use it, I keep breathing in water, and then I realize, I didn’t hold on to the mouth grip fully. After a little trial and error, I got it right. I swim right on top of the turtle, watching when the turtle swim upwards. Imagine swimming up close and personal with a turtle nearly as big as you are! That was so cool!

Next we went to the Shark’s Cove. I was very nervous before, but when I’m there, though still nervous but with the piggy having my back, I’m really looking forward to some shark sighting. When we arrive at the corner, we saw this bright green blue light illuminating from the water, and at first I thought it a luminous coral or fungus or something like that (akin those in Harry Potter or in caves). But when we dove down, it’s actually a patch of sandy beach surrounded by millions and millions of corals and reef! It was a beautiful sight!

The corals were so close I could actually touch them, and I accidentally scratch my legs on some of them as I swim pass, which terrify me a bit, since there’s supposed to be sharks around. Luckily it’s just a very minor scratch. Nothing to be worry about.

The guide seems to be pointing a lot, trying to show us the sharks but I see none. In the end I thought, he’s just bullshitting about the shark, when I actually finally see one when I was swimming right beside him. I saw a very tiny on at first, very small, the size of my palm or bigger. I was swimming directly above it. Awesome! And the next one I saw was a big one, swimming sharkishly near another white patch of sand in seabed, beside some really big coral. I saw it from quite a distance, but it really captured my full attention. I never seen a shark before (only in TV and it really freak me out), and to be in its territory when I first see it, indescribable. We snorkeled the longest at Shark Cove, and I’m really getting tired. It’s very tiring to swim about with the flippers on. Some actually went back up the boat to rest and sit. I snorkeled some more till it’s time for the next site.

This time, when I dived in, I was ambush by this pack of fish! There’s fish all around me! In front of the goggle, right at my hands and feet. Practically swarming around me. It’s beautiful. I think I hit a lot of fish as I swim about. The liveliness under the sea just amazed me! Played with the piggy, wrestle with the fish, though of course the fish are way more afraid of me than I am of them.

After that we went to this fishing village to have some food, lunch. Chilled out some more, before we board the boat again.

More corals and reefs sighting, but this time with huge rocks, totally covered with seaweeds, fungus, and really beautiful corals. Swimming in the ocean with this big rock here and there gives me this creepy, mysterious and scary feeling. The quietness creeps in, and as I swam pass a big rock, I could help but feel like something big is hiding behind them. A giant squid? A hungry shark waiting to strike? Another thing that’s really creepy is every time I near one of these big rocks, the water became so cold, a cool menacing feeling. Brr.. It just gives me the creep. Once or twice I saw this big fish swimming around the rocks.

Luckily the piggy is with me all the time. At least it’s a comfort seeing his piggy face through the ridiculous snorkeling gear :) hahaha. I must have look ridiculous myself!

More sites, but I’m already losing my energy. At the last stop, we just sit in the boat, jump into the water a bit, to swim around and get a little wet. The sun is really shining down on us. I put plenty of sunblock but I didn’t manage to escape the wrath and fury of the burning sun. I got sun burn on the back of my shoulder and it’s already start peeling now. But not as bad as what the piggy has. Oh my god, he’s falling apart! :P

Well, Mr. Crab has to go back the next day. So we say goodbye to our old burnt Mr. Crab at 4pm. No more crappy ‘Sexy Bitches’ singing. No more clumsy Mr. Flo. Awwww.. Emotional yet piggy? ;)

The rest of the trip is pretty relaxing. A lot of chilling out. A lot of good food. A beer or two at the crappy bar. A beer or two on the beach late at night watching the star-lit night sky, with the occasional lightning. Chipmores breakfast as we watch the sun rise. Cuddling up under the umbrella, falling asleep every so often.

And finally, it’s our turn to leave. We leave at 4pm the day after Mr. Crabs. Waving goodbye to the island was hard. We had such a great time, and the island is a real paradise. Watching the beautiful island fades away from sight just gives me the holiday blue.

Crappy bus ride back, with the very nervous little piggy dikzak (aw, so cute). Got home about 6am in the morning, grab some more decent sleep.

All in all, it’s the perfect getaway :) Ooops! That’s the movie we watch later in the weekend. Not a bad movie I might add. Chilled some more with the piggy, watch the Singapore Formula 1, watch the Hangover, and finish my resume and cover letter (thanks to the piggy dikzak)! Active piggies as well lah ;)

Back to the routine life of a student with tests coming up and a deadline life as an AIESECer with an appointment coming up. Can I just not read anymore??

Yes, you can lah..

Yay!

Yeah right..

The Point Of No Return (Almost)

2009-09-15T16:24:00.004+08:00

This week has been most stressful for me! I actually have to sit still for a moment (nearly 30 minutes) with the earplug on to regain my inner peace and serenity. And it has only been just two days. How bad is that? I've been told that we have at least three assignment to sent in after the Raya holidays. And also tests for my two least favorite subject, Accounting and Statistics.

So many things to do and so little time!

And the worst thing is, there's no plan at all about the assignments. No action plan, no sketch, no nothing. All I heard was, please research on Schizophrenia. What kind of plan is that? Everyone researching without a specific goal in sight. Honestly, I don't even know what am I supposed to research. At least divide the workload and have certain people searching for different leads.

Time restraint can make me do lots of thing. I come up with the action plan.

That one is settled. Easy. Everyone is cooperating.

Another assignment. It would be real simple if the team tells me if there's already a well sought plan in hand. But instead, what I receive is this silent. If you want to do it, DO IT. If not then, let me do it. I don't really feel like wasting time right now. Especially when I'm feeling stressed up, so please don't burst my fragile calmness.

I did the action plan anyway. I'm sorry. But I couldn't wait.

---

Enough with assignments. Now, tests.

I have my Statistics mid term yesterday and I think I drowned. How I hate Statistics!! I feel like giving up halfway through the paper. Luckily my lecturer is lenient, I guess he knew we will suck. With my tail between my legs, I have to admit, I cheated. Sort of. I had my note book on my lap, with my ugly scribbles. That's all! I swear! I just hope I don't fail.

I have my Financial Accounting today. And actually, I think I did not bad. At least a 65% OK. Thanks to my friend, Shiek Ching and Fang Yin who provide me with the tips and slides. Thanks a lot! It helps a great deal. With selected section to focus on, my studies went a whole lot smoother and faster, and less excruciating. I actually woke up at 9.30am today to study (slept at 4am last night), and you know how much I love my morning sleep :)

---

Enough with study. Now, AIESEC.

Well, this is something I want to talk in private with 'the BOSS'. It's another huge sack of bricks I have to lug around.

I've sort this out by myself. But I just need more. I don't know what to do.

---

I can't wait for the holidays to start. Going home, having a good hearty meal. Recharge. I even have another runway gig coming up when I'm back :) And after that, Perhentian Island, here I come!!!

Imagine me strolling down the beach, playing with the sandy sand, feeling the clear blue water roll up my legs.. The warm cooling water.. And of course with the dikzak by my side! I'm so gonna get the bikini tattoo again, aren't I? ;)

Ooooh! We're even going snorkeling! Hope we'll catch some pretty weird looking fishes (no sharks, please!) Diana really freak me out about the sharks thing. I really should consider going underwater inside a cage. Cool huh? ;P

Can't wait for Perhentian!! And the concert right after! So many things to look forward to :D maybe, that's why I'm still holding up! Can't wait!!!

When The Chances You Take Are Here To Claim

2009-09-10T21:33:00.004+08:00

I'm a risk taker. Everyone knows that. I don't think, but do. I act now, and think later. What's not in sight, is not in my mind, or concious. I feel like every opportunity should be taken and cherish not to be scoot aside because of something that may or may not happen in the future.

That's me.

I took the chance. And now, it's here to claim. And part of me is afraid I won't be able to win this bet.

I'm an optimistic, and I always believe. As long as there's a will, there's always a way. And I take your word for it. You won't promise something that you can't do. And with that, the lazy piggy is still here. Rolling in the mud, oinking about, being plain lazy ;) I hope for the best. Lets just wait and see what happens!

I believe in you. I believe in us :) So dikzak, you have lots to do! And deliver! Heh Heh. I'm so good at piling the pressure on, aren't I? So gemeen ;)

Ik hou van je, dikzak.

---

I don't care who you are
Where you're from
What you did
As long as you're my dikzak
Who you are
Where you're from
Don't care what you did
As long as you're my dikzak

Cool song right? :P Backstreet Boys! Lets go karaoke again! I think I'm addicted!

And I wasn't bragging. I was pretty good. As usual ;)

A Speech A Day Keep My Calmness Away

2009-09-08T16:45:00.002+08:00

Date: 8th September 2009
Time: 6pm
Place: UPM, BT 13
Title: E-Learning
Mood: Anxiety Attack

Good evening everyone. The topic that I’m going to touch today is E-learning. As you can tell by the word E-learning, this topic has everything to do with the virtual world, a world the generation now is most familiar with. Who doesn’t have a computer or laptop back at home? Can you raise up your hands please? No? I thought so. Everyone knows the benefits of E-learning, but what most people aren’t aware of is the dangers of E-learning. And that’s what I’m going to talk about today.

Here’s a story to share. Ever since I started my university life, I instantly bought myself a laptop. What with all the assignments to do, things to research, registration of the various classes and tutorial, not to mentions labs. That was my intention. Well, at least at the very beginning anyway.

What happen after that was an entirely different story. Who can tell me what do you usually log into when you start your computer? Anyone? Well, I always start with opening up my playlist, background music are a must, and then Facebook, hotmail, Gmail, Blogspot, twitter, Youtube, and then only maybe a few tab of really study stuff. Can you see the problem here? Yes, distraction. With internet, there’s always distraction. So many interesting stuff online! I usually end up working for about 1 hour while browsing through various unrelated sites for 3 to 4 hours.

Not only that, but another problem here is, some sites are really addictive! I’m officially a Facebook and twitter addict now, updating my status every few hours or so. Once you get hook, the hook will never let you go. One thing leads to another and you find yourself sleeping later and later. I sometimes slept at 5am in the morning! Especially so since the internet connection is at its best 1am onwards. Without adequate sleep, I skipped my morning class practically everyday. And my studies pay for it.

Also, though E-learning is good, but doing research online, logging into this and that, all these virtual activities leaves a virtual trails or your personal information. Your likes and dislikes, your preferences. Some sites are even set with trackers, ready to hack into all your personal information. Does anyone realize that Youtube has this function? In a way? If you did not, then you can go back home and conduct this experiment. Lets say you search for Japanese anime, maybe 4 out of 5 times you visited Youtube. When you log on the next time, on the home page you will see suggestion videos for you are of Japanese anime! There’s this system that tracks your preferences and actually suggest videos that is in your area of interest! How scary is that?

Another virtual pothole that is always there is the availability of all information. Good and even bad ones. Yes, I’m talking pornography, suicide, violent, demon worshiping sites that could really taint the mind of the youth. There’s no filter to the big load of information on the net. The only filter is the mentality and discipline of the users.

In a way, yes, E-learning provide an easy platform for you to learn, but there’s unseen danger lurking around. So here I am educating you, or informing you on these potholes. Think about it, and don’t be a victim. Thank you.

Life Of The Party -er

2009-08-27T23:20:00.002+08:00

Being me, as I used to be, is all nice, sweet and plain. Life is very simple, mundane. A lot of facebooking. A lot of blogging, A lot of time alone. A lot of dreaming. A lot of fiction. A lot of movies. A lot of TVs.

Things changed when I join AIESEC. I start hanging out. I start socializing. I start becoming comfortable in a whole new environment, of PEOPLE. I went mamaking. I went bowling. I went pooling. I went to the movies in gangs. I went hiking (nearly there but too bad, the car broke down). I did lots of thing I wouldn't never have done if I was still who I used to be.

That was last semester.

This semester is an entirely different story. I met Stephan. And life just got to another whole new level!

As soon as I got back to UPM, after my recuperating at home, I went to Stephan's. Chilling there was awesome! Stephan even made peperoni pasta for dinner. Home-cooked meal! Yum yum! Chilling by the pool. I got such a bad sun burn though. I'm all red now. Still, it's really such a relaxed weekend. I couldn't be more spoiled!

And then there's the GV thing at IC. Went there with Johanna and her beloved Hazwan. Really sweet of them to fetch me from Bangsar Permai. Had an awesome time food tasting from 107 world! Had a really crazy time at the Europe's booth! At first taste, it taste really horrible! Especially the kaviar! But soon after, I got addicted.. Now, I would really want a bite!

And here comes my favorite part. The partying!!! I couldn't believe I have my first taste of partying at Rudy's (this random Dutch guy, a friend of Stephan's and Robin's) farewell party! It's still kind of normal for a first time. Not that rowdy and more towards plain chilling. We went to 21, arrived fashionably late though ;) I had a bottle of Corona, volka mixed with orange juice and more orange juice and water please! I've never had so much alcohol in one night before (I had wine before we went to 21, from the home-cooking).

I didn't get drunk though ;) As you can see from the picture. I'm such a natural. Such potential! Hahaha XP

On my last night at Stephan's, we had another very random party. James was back from Germany for IC and since Stephan miss his buddy (suspiciously) so much, and since it has been a long time since James was at Reggeabar, they all decided to party! Diana and her bf were also back from Thailand and it's definitely great for bonding as well :)

Reggaebar is an entirely different setting with that of 21. It's all dancing and music! No sitting down at the table at all! I'm kinda feel out of place at first but then as the music grow louder and as my favorite music heats up, I'm all over the dnace floor. How could a girl say no to a bunch of crazy people like the gang I'm out with? Robin with his really weird dance move (roti canai, buying grocery, horse riding, gosh!), Stephan with his also crappy dance move (pointing fingers, whipping moves ;P) and of course Diana, who is so crazy herself!

Partying with them are really fun!

And it was Mei Shan birthday as well! Too bad the DJ wouldn't play us a DJ-ish Happy Birthday. But a shout-out isn't all that bad :) Happy Birthday, Mei Shan!

All in all, life is radically different now. I met a whole new bunch of people. Made new random friends. Introduced to a whole new lifestyle. And got my very own belly man to spoil me. Life is lekker!

People are afraid of changes because they can't predict what's to come. As I did. I was really afraid how this semester is going to turn out. I know it's going to be different. I know it's going to change. I was afraid. Turns out life IS different, but it's also as good as the last. Maybe even better. See how things turn out when you least expect them? Always bear hope. The sun will always rise the next day :) Live life, and fear not!

I love life! Life is ontzagwekkend!

August Recap

2009-08-27T22:20:00.003+08:00

This month has been a very ever-changing experience. I have to switch roles extremely often as of late. I got to live life as a student. Half an AIESECer (I'm talking about this month and yes, I got to honestly say I did not do a great job this month. Sorry!). An obedient patient. A good daughter. A chiller. A house-maid. A random partier. And an allerlekkerste!

It started with the test week. I spend the whole week studying, trying to cover all chapters. I read and read, spending less than 45 minute on the laptop per day! Could you imagine that?? I'm like hooked but still, I studied. And lucky thing I did. Always plan ahead.

I actually plan ahead on visiting Stephan and wanted to finish up as soon as possible so that I could put my mind of studies but turns out, my planning was for an entirely different reason. I got sick. I got sick so bad that I just lay in bed motionless for days!

I mummify myself in bed, under the covers, the first day I start feeling unwell. Being very sensitive to being sick, I went to the doctor the next day. Got some meds and took it obediently. And as always, the meds really affects me. I think I have really low tolerence for meds. Got me so sleep 10-15 minutes after consumption. I got so energyless and high and sleepy and nauseating. I just slump in bed, days after days until I'm done with my Marketing test.

All these while my mum has been persuading me to go back home and rest there, Least she could cook me some nutritious food. And care for me. She worries constantly that I couldn't take care of myself. Turns out when I finally gave in, I was feeling much better and my fever has already gone! I'm a terribly good patient.

What coulda good daughter say but to succumb to my mum persuasion. I went back home and relaxed. Being pampered to the fullest. Went shopping as well :) I skipped to test to rest and play! My god, I'm a terrible student!! I got to resit both the test though, so no problem!

I had my first party experience as well, and it's an unforgettable one. I've always wanted to go partying but has never got the chance. This month is MY chance! ;) Two main ingredient of partying, according to Stephan; looking good and drink! Enjoying yourself, just have fun. That's what partying is all about, and I couldn't believe I'm saying this but I have to agree! I had one hell of a party week!

But that's is a story for another day, folks! :)

What Love Means To A Child

2009-08-20T15:26:00.004+08:00

I got this in my email again and it's something that I want to share, again. :) My eyes teared up when I read it . It's so touching.. And I hope it'll touch you people out there too! ^^

---

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love..'
Rebecca- age 8

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
Billy - age 4

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'
Karl - age 5

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'
Chrissy - age 6

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'
Terri - age 4

'Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'
Danny - age 7

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that.. They look gross when they kiss'
Emily - age 8

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'
Bobby - age 7

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'
Nikka - age 6

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'
Noelle - age 7

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'
Tommy - age 6

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'
Cindy - age 8

'My mommy loves me more than anybody You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night..'
Clare - age 6

'Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'
Elaine-age 5

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'
Chris - age 7

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day.'
Mary Ann - age 4

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'
Lauren - age 4

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.'
Karen - age 7

'Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.'
Mark - age 6

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'
Jessica - age 8

And finally, I save the best for last :)

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said,

'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

A Song For The Sick

2009-08-17T20:28:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, the best of gifts come unexpected..
Sometimes, what comes as a delight turns out to be a surprise..
Sometimes, when you live without expectation, you'll find that everything exceed your expectation..
Sometimes, when you thought all is lost, someone comes bearing hope..
Sometimes, what happens, happens for a reason..
Sometimes, you question 'Is this for real?' when life is too good to be true..
Sometimes, maybe all you need to do is bask in the showering attention and love..
And enjoy every moment of it.

---

I mention that I don't see any silver lining in being in bed, sick. But I was so wrong. How could there not be a silver lining in the realm of the optimist?

I realize that I have lots of guardian angels who cares.

Those who volunteered to buy me food and drinks.
Those who look after me, peeping at me every so often to make sure I'm okay.
Those who help talk to my lecturer about my conditions.
Those who help with the tedious paperwork.
Those who shows care and concern.
Who so kindly sing me a song.
And who make me feel good again
And laugh for the first time since the sickness hits me.
And that's important because I never felt more alone and alienate at that time.
Just drugged up and sluggish.

I'm feeling better now. More like my lively self. Just sometimes, a little lightheaded. Feeling akin to floating in the abyss. That some pretty 'high' feeling there ;)

So it's Lively self + Lightheadedness = Crapping Sue Ann

No wonder the post look crappy-ish.

Lucky for me, when Martin, the legal adviser called, I still handle it good. A professional, even when highly strung on drugs. Even my mum is proud on how I handle the phone these days. I used to suck at talking on the phone. But now, its a whole new different me ;) I'm bragging again, aren't I?

Hmm.. I guess I DO do that a lot.

Well, what's wrong with a little confidence eh? ;)

ps: The healthy Sue Ann will be back in say, 24 hour time! Stay tuned!

The Whining Of A Sick Person

2009-08-13T13:33:00.004+08:00

Sickness snare go away,
Don't you ever come again,
Little Sue Ann wants to play.

---

I hate being sick. Tried so hard to avoid it, make precaution, drank lots of water and still I finally got it. Why??

This time I see no silver lining in the clouds. What good could come to a person who is stuck in bed, high with drugs? Not to mention feeling drowsy and aching all over. Sleeping 24 hours in bed, has a very bad effect on your body, people! I can definitely vouch for that!

And it's so chilly all the time. My goosebumps keep rising every few minute. And the air is so dry and cold, makes both my throat and lungs feel like they're about to burst! Hate the dryness within..

Not to mention this H1N1 mania. Please don't let it be H1N1.. I'll promise to be a good girl and take my medication and get my rest. Just let me be healthy again!

For a person who love living life, being sick is the worst punishment of all! That's why I'm so anti-sickness. Sorry guys and girls, if I acted like a jerk and avoid you, but yeah, my sentiments is fixed. Maybe it was because of this past experience that I had, laying in bed, sick out of my mind, and that really scared me out of my wits!

And right now, at this very moment, I'm sick. I hope I didn't spread the virus to anyone. Sorry if I did!

Time for another big sleep.. Good night people! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Trouble Is A Friend

2009-08-11T02:36:00.001+08:00

This song reminds me of my kick-Trouble-in-the-head tendency :) Enjoy!

---

Trouble will find you
No matter where you go
Oh, oh
No matter if you're fast
No matter if you're slow
Oh, oh
The eye of the storm
wanna cry in the morn
Oh, oh
You're fine for a while
But you start
To lose control

He's there in the dark
He's there in my heart
He waits in the wings
he's gotta play a part
Trouble is a friend
Yeah
Trouble
Is a friend of mine
Ahh

Trouble is a friend
But trouble is a foe
Oh, oh
And no matter
What I feed him
He always seems to grow
Oh, oh
He sees what I see
And he knows
What I know
Oh, oh
So don't forget
As you ease
On down my road

He's there in the dark
He's there in my heart
He waits in the wings
He's gotta play a part
Trouble is a friend
Yeah
Trouble
Is a friend of mine
So don't be alarmed
If he takes you
By the arm
I won't let him win
But I'm a sucker for his charm
For his charm
Trouble is a friend
Yeah
Trouble
Is a friend of mine
Ahh

How I hate the way
He makes me feel
And how I try
To make him leave
I try
Oh, oh, I try

But he's there in the dark
He's there in my heart
He waits in the wings
He's gotta play a part
Trouble is a friend
Yeah
Trouble
Is a friend of mine
So don't be alarmed
If he takes you
By the arm
I won't let him win
But I'm a sucker for his charm
For his charm
Trouble is a friend
Yeah
Trouble
Is a friend of mine
Ahh

Ooh
Ahh
Ooh

The Mayonnaise Jar

2009-08-10T18:32:00.004+08:00

Something I receive in my email from a friend of mine. Something I would like to share with the rest of you :)

---

When things in your life seem, almost too much to handle,
When 24 hours in a day is not enough,
Remember the mayonnaise jar and 2 cups of coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class
And had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
And proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'Yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - family,
Children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions -
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued,
'There is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.
Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled.
'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

The Shining

2009-08-10T17:39:00.009+08:00

The weekends had been really relaxing. More towards the do-nothing-but-laze-around weekend. And I love it! I think I’m an almost too relaxed human being.

I watched nearly most of the movie screening currently, amongst them G.I Joe and Ghost Of Girlfriend’s past. Watched No Country for Old Man and three quarters of Old School at Stephan’s. It’s always out with the weird and crappy show with him. Such crappy taste ;) I brought my own movies, from my laptop, Underdog and Haunting In Connecticut. The Haunting one is kinda scary to be watched in the middle of the night. So after watching it for like 15 minutes, we decided to go for Underdog!

“There’s no need to fear, Underdog is here!” So lame, yeah I know ;)

Even with the Test 1 coming this week, I still feel content and ever-so-peaceful. No stress, no nothing. I just love chilling over at Stephan’s. It’s always so nice and comfortable there!

---

Test 1 and most of the lecturer has yet to confirm the test dates. It’s really inconvenience for me, a person who skip classes a lot. Guess now, I’ll have to attend all classes then. Luckily, there’s no surprise test today. Got 3 confirm ones this week and two the next. One more left to confirm.

Study time!

Just after my last class today, it suddenly rain so terribly heavy! And since it’s convocation, buses are not stopping at my faculty! I don’t bring umbrella. I’m so stranded!

Two choice, brave the really heavy rain with almost too frightening lightning and tremendously loud booming, or stay at the faculty and wait it out. Some of my friends were stranded too. And they were all undecided.

Being the rationale me, I just choose to stay put. I got to the café and had my lunch/dinner. I ate slowly, having a very relaxed meal with the thunder roaring every few minute ahead, scaring me out of my wits, tiny spray of rain keeping me moist the whole time.

If the rain isn’t stopping anytime soon, after my meal, I plan to go to the computer room and online, Facebook-ing probably. Or find an empty classroom to study.

But as I was finishing, I felt my phone vibrating. An unknown number.

‘Hello?’

‘Hey, where are you?’

‘Erm who’s this?’

‘You wanna go back KTP anot? Where are you?’

All this happen in the very noisy background of the café and rain. But when I heard the words KTP, I knew what’s this about, and who’s the caller.

‘I’m at the café! I wanna go back!’

‘At café? Okay in front of the café, you’ll see a white car, Get in.’

‘Thanks a lot!’

And yeah, definitely there’s a white car park in front, and I hop in.

This made me think. A friend, more towards a hi-bye friend whose number I don’t even have, remembers me and recalled that I don’t have an umbrella, called to offer me a ride. I feel so bad, I feel so embarrassed! People are so good to me and I always took them for granted.

Why is that??

I know I have this tendency to overlook people, and I’ve tried to change. I hoped I did, but I guess hoping alone isn’t enough.

Why am I so individualistic? Selfish? Why is it that I can’t find it in me to help others? Why is it that when others offers me help that I realized they are there? It really doesn’t occurs to me to help others unless if they ask for it. I don’t do things voluntarily.

Well, in my defense, I don’t expect help if I don’t ask for it. If I want help, I’ll ask. Maybe I expect them to do the same?

Excuses, excuses.

Still, I’m really impressed with people who do things voluntarily, without others having to ask. I think they’re really admirable and are honest to goodness people!

I guess I’m just a meanie after all. I don’t see how anyone could call me sweet ;) Oh no, you don’t get to take it back. Once spoken, considered accepted. Heh heh.

Still mean.

Still sweet.

And still always trying to improve herself. And self-awareness is always the first step to improving. You can’t improve what you don’t know :)

What's In My Head Right About Now

2009-08-06T12:34:00.014+08:00

To do list:-

1. Complete Chapter 1, 2 and 3 of Marketing by Wednesday (check)
2. Complete Chapter 1, 2, 4 (check) and 5 of Microeconomics by Thursday.
3. Complete Chapter 1, 2, 6, 7 and 8 of Business Comm. by Saturday (not urgent- Test on week 7)
4. Complete Chapter 1, 3 and 6 of Psychology by Sunday.
5. Need help on Financial Accounting (Chapter 1-4, 11/08/09) and Statistics! I got no idea on how to even start studying it..
6. Check up with Wei Heng regarding the BOD slides.
7. Send slides to Boey for confirmation and call up for guidance/ advices.
8. Constant follow up with Q-Dees, Ms. Kim/ Martin.
9. At least 2 market trip for this month.
10. IMPORTANT: make time for social life and myself, living life to the fullest! :)

---

Lovely pictures that occupy my mind :)

I always wanted a dog..

I get all warm and fuzzy inside just looking at this..

A beautiful dress appeals to my inner shopping spirit..

Reminds me the beauty of looking good ;)

I just absolutely love the beach! (got this from a friend's FB albums, he has an awesome collection of really beautiful pictures!!!)

Patience is virtue

And lastly..

Don't just always plans ahead that you forgot to live life.. Everyday is a memory, make it beautiful!

ps: I know I shouldn't have open my laptop today.. >.< but no matter, I'm going to finish Econ!!

The Home-Stay Program

2009-08-02T17:19:00.007+08:00

Dear Home-Stay dude,

You're the sweet beer bellied
dirty-faced
cookie monster
lazy piggy
mean and sweet
moley-man!

You make me laugh
smile
comfortable
at ease
just sitting side by side,
admiring your beer belly!

You're a gentleman
who carries the grocery
who cooks for a girl
who cleans the house
and even throws innocent girls into the pool!

You make my heart go yogurtey (yogurt breakfast)
my face go red (beer and alcohol)
my ears go pink (DJ time!)
my eyes shines (crappy movies)
and you also got me a terrible bikini tattoo!

We chilled and lazed
watched a crappy Dutch movie
drank some Cuba Libre
walked to and fro
swam in the pool (I'm a good swimmer, aren't I?)
sunbath in the nearly-there-sun
and I miss that!

Hope to chill again soon! ~~

Signing off,
Miss Mean & Innocent

ps: I am creative! ;)

Blessing In Disguise

2009-08-02T16:51:00.003+08:00

As everyone probably knows, UPM got close down for a week due to H1N1. A day before the news was out, there were rumors flying around that UPM would close its door. I for one, protested it! It would be a major setback for both the academic calender as well as AIESEC UPM schedule!

The plan. Stick to the plan. Unfortunately, plans don't always go as how you would have hoped.

For one, FLY conference, which has been postponed from one date to another and now have to be reschedule all over again. TM-ers, gambateh!

LLDS, which is to be scheduled during our mid sem break, which now has been canceled or substitute for this emergency break. I wonder when are we going to hold it now. And we have already booked the place! The ideal big house by the beach.. Poof!

Not to mention the BOD presentation, I seriously have to follow up on that.

Though this emergency break do come with lots of setbacks and the need for contingency plans, all hell didn't break loose :)

I have a bunch of friends who are willing to lend a helping hand.

I remembered I was in class when I receive the news, through sms. The atmosphere in the lecture hall changed rather drastically. Students walked in and out, all on the phone. There's definitely no concentration or focus in the room.

Our lecturer at that time, Financial Accounting, finally gave up and let us leave early. I want to get out of there as soon as possible!

Amanda's mom were kind enough to give us a lift back to kolej, where a scary sight awaits us. Everywhere there's people with mask. And I don't have one! I don't want to go to PKU for one. Everyone would be crowding there, sick and healthy one alike.

No way!

I went straight up to my room. Packed. Call up my friend and ask for help. Freddy was kind enough to come and pick me up as soon as he got off work. Thanks a lot! You're the best!

I got out at around 5.30pm and stayed at his place for awhile. Went for dinner before he kindly took me to Bangsar. Took me all my persuading tactics that I knew to get him to take me. But I know he's not that cruel to let me take a cab in the late evening. And he didn't disappoint. Always the trusty sweet fellow. Thanks again!

ps: Every cloud has a silver lining. I have a wonderful relaxing chilling time at Stephan's! (I'm actually glad UPM decides to shut down ;)

Nauseating Anticipation

2009-07-27T16:56:00.004+08:00

Remember the promising company I visit just last Tuesday? I called back today to see how the meeting went. To see whether they buy the AIESEC concept.

First call, no one pick up.

I'm a little discourage, but well, I'll just call back later.

I'm in the class when my phone vibrate. It's an sms from Martin, the legal counsel! Getting excited I read it. 'Who is this?'

'This is Sue Ann from AIESEC. I'm wondering how did the Friday meeting go. Did they buy the AIESEC concept?'

No reply. 1 minute. 2 minute. 5 minute. I'm seriously getting very discourage. Even the lecture seem much more torturous than it already is.

Vibrate~ Vibrate~

'Hi Sue. Sorry I didn't pick up your call. Please call me. Thank you.'

I look up at the lecturer. Look down at my phone. Took my organizer and walk out of class. As soon as I'm outside, I sat somewhere quiet, and call.

Good news to behold! They are very interested! He briefed the Human Resource Manager and the BOD during the meeting. And they would love to see where this would lead. He want me to do a presentation to the BOD sometime around this week. Will confirm the date with me.

A presentation in front of the Board Of Director!!!

-SCREAM!!!-

Don't get me wrong. I'm not afraid. I'm overly excited! Oh my god, this would be my first experience! I'm nauseatingly anticipating it! Part of me is over eager to do this, another part has butterflies in her stomach..

Things to do.. Things to do..

Preparation! Slides! I'm so lucky I have Wei Heng by my side. Always- at my time of need. Thank you so much Wei Heng, you're the best partner anyone could have in a team!

I love you!!

Strategy strategy.. What to say, what to present? General concept? No. They have already been brief about it. Specialize concept, focus on their interest and need? That's it.

The slides should show what they could gain from us, primary focusing on their need to expand to China. The What, When, Who, Why, and How. Details. I'm not going to bored my readers with details, so skip!

Next topic.

My feelings. My hopes. My dreams. My anticipation..

Dear God, please let me sail through this smoothly. And successfully. Let me raise this company. It would really be such an accomplishment for me. Let me raise not only one but a few forms. Let me have this company as LC UPM TN taker! An accomplishment achieved through efforts, hard works, determination, passion and a pure need to succeed.

I can't start describing how ambitious a woman I am. I am very ambitious.

The need to produce result is always lingering in my psychic self. The need to achieve the goals. The need to always challenge myself to accomplish new things. New task. New ventures. The drive is always there, sometimes subtle, sometimes ferocious.

And now the fire is at its' extreme.

The feeling when I heard the news is akin to those when someone I love, reciprocated.

I didn't know work can be this satisfying as well! Cool!~!

Truth to be told, even when I'm so determine for this to work, I always keep a side of me prepared if things should fail. There's no 100% guarantee. I will try my best nevertheless!

*keep my fingers crossed*

ps: If I managed to raised this company, it's time for celebration!! Stephan, that will be your job when the time comes, you beer belly man ;) the party guy!

Miss You Like Crazy

2009-07-27T01:29:00.002+08:00

---

I used to call you my girl,
I used to call you my friend,
I used to call you the love,
the love that I never had.

CHORUS:
When i think of you,
I dont know what to do.
When will I see you again.
I miss you like crazy,
even more than words can say.
I miss you like crazy,
every minute of everyday.
Girl i'm so down
when your love's not around.
I miss you (miss you, miss you)
I miss you like crazy.

You were all that I want,
you were all that I need.
Cant you see how i feel,
cant you see how that my pain is so real.

CHORUS (until the end)

---

I'm slowly but definitely falling for you. There isn't a day that goes by that I wasn't thinking of you. I tried keeping myself busy, but you'll always find a way into my mind..

And, that's a good thing :)

Because, I know, this feeling is reciprocated.

I miss you. And you miss me too.

Whenever I receive your messages, my heart lit up. A smile broke out onto my face, a smile coming straight from the heart. And people are staring!

I was in a very packed commuter train today when I received your sms. Upon looking at the screen and seeing your face, I smile. A very very sweet smile, you know the one people have when they're in love (akin to the one Ron had when he was under the love spell). Yes, it was that bad.. No wonder people were staring!

Let's not even talk about when I start reading your sms..

I get restless sometimes, fidgety. Just thinking about you. I went to Borders today, found a comfy spot, a good book, sat and read. But my mind kept flying off focus. I glance at my bag every once in awhile. Waiting for my phone to beep.

It's a torturous yet intoxicating feeling! Oh god, I'm on drugs..

Well, if you're my poison, I'm still going to drink it. That's me. The trouble-head kicker. No risk, no gain. Nothing venture, nothing gain. And you're one investment I'm going to give a shot.

Just watched 'The Taking Of Pelham 123' and it did teach me a thing or two about investment, coincidence, and destiny.

Just watched 'Public Enemies' too and I truly love that movie! John Dillinger and Billie love story is, oh-so-touching and a one-strike-straight-shot. The promises he made, the words he says could definitely melt even the iciest of the icy lady. I know I melt instantly, and he wasn't even saying it to me!

And of course, it reminded me of you..

I just can't wait to be in your arms again..

A Possibility, The Unknown

2009-07-27T01:05:00.003+08:00

Then, four crushes. Now, one possibility.

It’s so weird how this starts. I never suspect anything to come off it but it did.

It started with a formal introduction. Where plenty of others were introduced too. I was instantly attracted to you, physically. You’re kind of cute. Has a great body too. I’m simply sexually attracted at first sight. I wonder if you feel the same way.

I wanted to get to know you better. So, I chatted with you.

You seem nice, friendly. Has a good sense of humor too. Speak real smooth English. Very generous with your smile. Honest, straight-forward. You’re definitely very easy to like. And I couldn’t help but have a tiny crush on you.

I never took my crushes seriously. It is just a crush. And I have loads of them. Some pitter patter in the heart and that’s all. I never acted in it. I just merely let it flow as it please.

We kept in touch. Messaging once in awhile. Flirt a little. But for most of the part, we live our life.

Even through the messaging, I feel something brewing. The flirtation, the intent behind it. The realness of it. And let’s just say one hand can’t clap.

The next time we met, things just flow so smoothly. We’re so relax. Just hanging out. Chatting, making fun of each other, teasing. As the night grew later and the morning approaches, we’re getting really comfortable with each other. If the situation permits, we would have gotten way much closer.

But it didn’t. Well, good things are meant to be waited on. Like you said, ‘There’s no rush.’

I didn’t give it much though later on. With all that is happening in my life at that time, I need to settle the debt and rid myself of all the burden and luggage. To absolutely free myself.

And I did.

Things always happen for a reason. Now that I’m free, my eyes unclouded, my heart lighter than usual, we went on this trip. All this happen at exactly the right moment, the right time. To think that our innocent flirts and fights will lead to this. I, for one could not have predicted it.

I still don’t know what ‘this’ is but I’m still glad.

I don’t know if you meant what you said. It sounded casual enough, and I want to believe you. You’re the sweetest guy I ever know, a true gentleman.  I just hope you know what you’re doing. And if you really want this.

It’s lovely for life to surprise. And I’m a risk taker.

Yeah, I DO like to kick trouble in the head. Ignoring the blasting sirens. But I guess the possibility is worth it. ;)

---

I wrote this a few days ago. But I didn't have the courage to post it up. I value the relationship too much to jeopardize it in anyway.. I want to play my cards right this time around. Don't show hand too quick. Like Kaiser says, 'Good things come to those who wait.' But I guess there's no harm in posting it on a privatize blog, right? ;) I hope so!

There's so much I want to pour!

I miss you like crazy, every morning, every day..

Sagittarius Woman

2009-07-24T14:39:00.003+08:00

Here's a little something about me ;)

---

Sagittarius Woman
From LoveToKnow Horoscopes

The Sagittarius woman is fun, fearless and full of life! Read on to learn more about these beguiling beauties.

The Sagittarius Woman: General Characteristics

To fully understand a Sagittarius woman, one needs to understand the role of Sagittarius in the zodiac. It’s no accident that Sagittarius comes after the penetrating and probing personality of Scorpio and before the contracting nature of Capricorn. Ruled by Jupiter, the key world that describes Sagittarius is "expansion". This is important because everything a Sagittarius woman does carries that overture and seems larger than life. Here are some general characteristics.

Enthusiastic and Happy

Those with the sun sign Sagittarius often appear enthusiastic and happy; that’s because they usually are. Unless otherwise afflicted in the chart, these friendly ladies tend to be happy to meet, greet and interact with others on a social level. They are also usually full of "get up and go" energy; this makes them a true joy to be around and the center of any party! For the most part, no scheme is too grand, and no plan is too large for these intelligent ladies to tackle.

Refreshingly Honest

It’s also a good thing that these ladies are so joyous because it helps to take some of the sting off of their very honest, often blunt, reactions to the world around them! These women will gladly tell you if a dress is too tight, if you should take that job or if you’re mate is running around on you. Just one word to the wise, though. If you are overly sensitive and don’t really want to know the truth, don’t ask lady Sagittarius for her opinion! Save your feelings and turn to another, more tactful sign instead!

A Need for Adventure

There is also an ever present need for adventure and a certain degree of wanderlust to these ladies. Feeling hemmed in or stifled, whether through a situation or a relationship, is not the ideal situation for these women.

In fact, feeling closed in can have a debilitating effect on your personality and the side effects may show up in the physical body as well (as various ailments, particularly in the legs and thighs). If flying off to distant locals is not an option, these women should do their best to stay physically active, and that will help tremendously.

Sagittarius and Relationships

Marriage and committed relationships are a giant step for the Sagittarius woman, and many women of this sign try to wait as long as possible before tying the knot. This is true even if the Sag in question is deeply in love with her betrothed, but it’s actually a good thing because it allows her to find out her true identity. Knowing who she is and which values to subscribe to is a very important process for Sagittarius.

Sagittarius rules the ninth house of the zodiac; the house of higher learning and culture. Often, Sagittarians will find themselves attracted to people from different backgrounds or ethnicities. Instead of seeing these differences as a negative, Sagittarius truly sees it as a positive; they are not called the "global citizen" for nothing!

Even if eventual partners are of a similar background, they will have to exhibit high morals and have personal integrity; characteristics that Sagittarius truly values. They are attracted to partners that have sophisticated tastes and religious tolerance. If these partners are not ethnically tolerate, it can leave a sinking feeling in lady Sag’s stomach.

---

Characteristics of Sagittarius
From LoveToKnow Horoscopes

The characteristics of Sagittarius ensure members of this gregarious zodiac sign will always find themselves in the middle of new endeavors.

Characteristics of Sagittarius: The Archer

Seekers of wisdom and truth, and ready to party at a moment's notice; that's Sagittarius. People born to this sign tend to be the happy-go-lucky types that know how to have a good time, and they love to take their friends along with them!

Sags are definitely adventurous, so they love to try new things and travel to new places. Growth is life to an Archer, and nothing is so damning as stagnation to these free spirits. Members of this sign will seldom turn down an opportunity, even if they're not sure they'll be happy with the outcome. If things don't work out, Sags generally move on and chalk the venture up as yet another experience.

Challenges: Tact and Romance

Archers tend to be incredibly honest. While this straightforwardness can be refreshing when couched in careful words, Sagittarians are not renowned for being diplomatic. In fact, this sign can be downright blunt, much to the chagrin of anyone on the receiving end.

Being social animals, Sagittarians quickly make new friends and easily fall into romantic relationships. However, Sags can be a bit too idealistic, and they tend to look for greener pastures as soon as trouble looms on the horizon. It's in the romantic arena where Archers morph into feckless Centaurs, enjoying the good times while they roll, but trotting off when things get too serious. Sags love their freedom, so travel plays a big role in their make up.

Ruling Planet: Jupiter

As ruling planet, Jupiter has a strong effect on the characteristics of Sagittarius. This planet's energy concentrates on expansion in all things. This drives Sagittarius' burning desire to learn and seek the truth in all matters, especially philosophical ones.

Jupiter also fuels the Archer's love of luxury and extravagance, and this can sometimes lead this buoyant sign to party too much and overspend. But never fear, Sags use all that stored up wisdom to quickly recover their assets.

Finally, Jupiter endows Sags with a penchant for being lucky. It's this innate good fortune that carries this sign through the lean times as well as good.

Element: Fire

Fires signs are well known for being energetic and idealistic, and Sagittarius is no exception. Archers are natural born leaders who love to take charge of projects and fill leadership positions. However, as bright as Sags may shine as initiators, they do tend to become bored before their goals are accomplished. You might say they burn out quickly, so seeing things through to a conclusion can be a challenge, and especially so when new ventures beckon.

Quality: Mutable

Being a mutable sign, Archers are creatures who not only welcome change, they yearn for it and thrive on it. This contributes to their easy come, easy go attitudes. Archers are not about sweating the details!

The Sagittarian’s View

Sagittarius has a multi-tiered view when it comes to relationships. Ruled by Jupiter, Sagittarius is an expansive sign that wants everyone to enjoy themselves while sharing equal footing. When it comes to astrological signs and relationships, no one wants their partner to be content as much as Sagittarius. They love to see their partner smiling and happy, and they truly loathe seeing them troubled or worried.

---

I just love being a Sagittarius!!

Can You Hear Me Now?

2009-07-22T14:57:00.004+08:00

First of all, I would like to establish something. I'm an AIESECer. I'm not AIESEC. I can differentiate the line perfectly. And thus, I'm having the most wonderful AIESEC experience! Still ongoing, but a perfect start is the perfect motivation. A booster to get you going for the remaining 12 months.

During the meeting last night, I somehow get the feeling that not all are really enjoying this experience. I could feel loads of suppressed emotions, and that really doesn't make me feel at home, or like a team. It also make me feel astonish, and a little annoyed. Make that ALOT annoyed.

I get annoyed easily. And last night was one of the time that I got really annoyed, halfway through the meeting. When I feel all these emotions brewing, people talking in circles (as they say in Business Communication, buffer; I knew there's a reason why Business Com. and me doesn't click), insinuating here and there, complaining, whining.

Well, that's the vibe I get.

Seriously, if there's something you want to say, say it out loud. I will respect you more, because you know what you want and you ask for it. Talking in circle equivalent to whining in my book. Maybe I do have a weird, unconventional book.

Regarding the team mis-communication. We talk about this every time we have a meeting. Don't you see that by saying 'mis-communication', you're actually mis-communicating more? Like for example, 'Maybe it's because of mis-communication that you didn't acknowledge sms-es'. Yeah, right. When you sms, it's a 100% they GOT that sms. It's either they do what the sms ask them to do, or they choose to ignore it.

Either way, it's about the trust you put into your team. You trust them to do their work. And you do yours. Lead by example.

I don't really see the point of asking double, triple time to do the same thing I asked once. I don't understand what you mean by, 'Maybe some people need to be ask twice.' Well, if that's the case, why are you in AIESEC?

AIESEC gives you the platform and opportunity for you to develop yourself. We don't spoon feed! It's all about your own initiative!

Let's not even talk about initiative (maybe that's too much to ask). Let's talk about responsibility. When you sign up for AIESEC, enroll into the Executive Board, you took on a certain responsibility. To do what you said you would.

Like Wai Leong said, 'Let's not talk about helping other department. Just ask yourself, did you even fulfill you JD, your responsibility to your own department.' Did you do what you said you would? Did you become the person you would like to see yourself become when you first join AIESEC?

I love my AIESEC experience and I hate to see it ruined.

AIESEC experience are unique and different to those who live it. It's up to you yourself to make it an exciting, motivating, inspiring, fun and awesome one.

Be an AIESECer, not AIESEC.

I watched as my friends dwell so deep into AIESEC that she lost herself. The fun, life-loving girl I once knew changed into this serious, monotonous girl. I don't think I even know her anymore!

It gets kind of scary when I start a conversation, she either smile, or respond with 'I'm busy.' All the time! It is scary! It's just a random topic, and the words 'I'm busy' always come up. I basically don't know how to communicate with her anymore. And that's a really sad thing.. For me.

These are the people I foresee will ask the question, 'Why are we doing this? Why are we doing exchange?' The doubts starts to creep up, you're unsure of what you're doing, and why you're doing it.

Like Yoichi said (roughly), 'Keep youR eyes on the prize, the reason you're in AIESEC in the first place, and not get blinded by the routine stuff you do in AIESEC.'

For me AIESEC is a place for you to learn, grow, develop and have FUN!

I'm glad I'm enjoying everything that I'm doing, and even blog about it! The experience, the friends I made, my personal growth. Though it's not always a bed of roses, trust me, there are times when I'm frustrated and disappointed with myself, but that's what make me go on. Pursuing the success soon to come!

When I first started out in AIESEC, I never thought I would be the Vice President of Business Development. I never thought I could babysit two Dutch Ambassadors, bringing Stephan out for a trip to Penang, interacting with people from all around the world, go for company meets, talk with Legal Adviser. It really blew my mind how much I've become! In such a short term of time!

An anti-social to a social butterfly.

That's the change I love to see myself undergo :)

---

I know this post comes with some very controversial stuff, and I may step on a few toes, but to solve a problem, you got to pull the bull by its horn even if you risk getting run down by the bull instead.

This is just my voice that I want to share. I hate suppressed feelings and emotion, and I would love to see that our LC has an open book communication style.

Shoot me all you want, I would really love to hear comments on this :) Criticism is a form of learning too. And I would really love to hear the inner thought of my team, LC UPM AIESECer..

Ohya! And Brandon, I want to hear what think. You're as blunt as me. I could always get the truth from you. Real solid piece of mind, paying real penny for real thoughts. No buffering (I hate buffers!). So yes, shoot away! :)

Second-Best Not

2009-07-22T00:37:00.008+08:00

I had my second appointment today. Well, my first wasn't all that great and all, so lets skip that and focus on the part where I did succeed! The first time are always the suckiest. It IS the guinea pig run.

So the seconds always come best! Who says second is only second best? Scratch that out!

I had such a bad appointment the week before, last Thursday, that I was so furious with myself. How could I have let it happen? How could I be so useless? I not only have wasted my time, but also my partner's time. I'm ashamed, embarrassed, and extremely frustrated with myself.

What did I do then?

On the way back, I scope for companies. Companies that have big nice office, that looks like it is a huge brand. And I did manage to memorize quite a number of them. Went back to my room, and straight to the laptop. No rest for me till I get another appointment!! And this time, get it right Sue Ann!

I research up all the companies whose names I memorize, got quite a handful of good information from it. And start my cold calling process. It was quite challenging as these companies are quite big, and their HRM are always busy! It was pretty demotivating..

But I'm not going to give up that easily! No way! I got to prove to myself that I can do this. If even I can't do this, how am I supposed to set an example for my team? How can I lead? How can I be the source of motivation or go to person then? I'm so going to do this.

And I did! I secured an appointment with yet another company! Scheduled for today 10am in the morning, all the way in Damansara Utama. Hurray!

Well, today arrived and I woke up early. I don't think I'm that hardworking for class ;) Wei Heng knew me enough to know, I'm slow in the morning so he went and got the car from our dear sweet boss, Mr Lim Wai Leong, before coming to fetch me at my kolej. How sweet.. Appreciate the extra 15 minute sleep!

Got in the car and start our way down. I just love sitting in the car. Staring out the windows, looking at the roads and cars zooming by. See the clear blue morning sky. I don't really get to see the mornings much you see :) I took out my book and start preparing, little notes. Things to say, the flow of things, what to ask etc etc.

And finally! We reach Damansara Utama but unfortunately, the address is so hard to find! I had to call up the company to ask for direction, twice! Once in the car and another when we're out of it, searching for it's building.

Reason why we got so lost was because I was looking for Intelligence Worldwide, the company I'm supposed to be meeting today. And I see no signs of it anywhere! And when I call, the receptionist ask me to look out for something indistinguishable through the phone. But I definitely heard something '..on top of the restaurant Face to Face..' So, we search again.

Was late for 5 minutes before we found an unidentified office, Q-dees. Wei Heng was not convince that it is it and wanted to just go and search someplace else. But, I think we should try (I have the feeling that maybe the HRM Ms Kim is working two company, well, who knows?).

We went in and we were right! We were ask to wait for Ms Kim but after 5 minutes, a man approach us and said that Ms Kim is having a meeting and he would see us. Refer us to a room and we sat at this square table. Pretty professional if you ask me ;) He introduced himself as Martin, the legal adviser. Cool!~

That's when I ask him, why is it that the company isn't called Intelligence Worldwide, but Q-dees instead? And this is where things become clear.. With good news too!

I knew they are the headquarter (I was referred here after calling Intelligence Worldwide, the IT firm in Cyberjaya) but what I did not know is that they have many franchises, in many area of interest! They are into education (kindergartens), IT (graphic designing, software programming) and marketing management! How cool is that?? I'm like superbly excited when I heard that. 3 types of form to be sold to one TN!!! The possibility is too much to bear!

Now, the convincing part.. Wei Heng did great with the explanation of the processes, the details. I'm pretty amazed at how well he know his department. I have lots to learn from him. I just merely do the business part :)

To keep things short, I can conclude that this company is a very promising one! I would definitely follow up on that! Hope I'll bring good news on my next blog! :) My First TN Raised ^_^

The appointment took an hour plus. I'm like, wow, that's long! I'm going to miss my 12pm class!! Well, luckily we manage to get back in time for classes. Went on with my job as a student before returning at 4.30pm to resume the role of an AIESECer again, compiling documents, and final touch up before sending emails to this particular company :) My second yet the best company visit!

I love it! The satisfaction is great for the self esteem! Even if it does not go as well as I hope, well, at least it's the start of something new. An experience. A lesson. A motivation.

Dear team, if you're reading this. don't ever give up! Try, fail and try again, fail better. Failing isnt't a failure but a stepping stone for you to learn and grow. Do not be afraid to fail :) I'm always here to support you guys! Come to me whenever you need any advice, backups, or just simply want to complain how bitchy the receptionist is! I'm not as icy as I look! ;)

I want to see you guys improve! Like Wai Leong say, 'It's not about the number, but rather the people development that I want to see.' It's the experience that you gain in AIESEC, the team building, the discovery of your own's potential that is important.

Remember team, if you have the time to think up of excuses, use that time to accomplish more :)

I love you, team! Do BD proud!

A Superbly Sweet Saturday

2009-07-20T17:41:00.006+08:00

Last Saturday was one memorable Saturday ever!

We woke up and head for dimsum. Yum yum! It's been a long time since I had any. Having real serious problem getting up on time to have it before it's all sold out. And you know dimsum, we use chopsticks! Stephan have a very challenging time getting his food properly. Oh my gosh! That is so funny to watch! :P

After that, we head over to Penang Island. It was so hazy that we could barely see the island from the bridge! And I thought KL was bad..

We went to Penang Hill. It's my first time there too. And I guess I'm acting more like a tourist than he is! With my camera out, snapping crazily.. I hate the cable car though. It's going up way too slow for my liking. But I can say, it's extremely steep! I think it's at 150 degree slope! I got loads of picture, will upload it on FB when I have my USB cable. I'm such a forgetful person..

There's lots to see! I love the air up there. That's the first thing I felt upon reaching the top. The cool breezy air.. Such strong nice wind. Love it! The view wasn't that awesome, because of the haze. But well, the rest of the scene would have to be told through some really skilled picture from yours truly.

There was this two huge black and yellow snakes that totally freaks me out! I didn't notice this pak cik was having it around his shoulder, when he was beside me, thrusting the snake's head out towards me! Yikes! Well, of course, we paid and got our pictures taken. The snake is really heavy, and aggressive! I had to basically gripped its neck hard to make sure it didn't give Stephan two punctured marks on his chest. I wonder why the snake has such a fancy for him.. Hmm..

Down the way we came.. Stop at some hawker stall nearby (luckily Penang Hill and Kek Lok Si temple is so near!) ate some really good Penang mee goreng, rojak, mua chi etc etc. Toward the temple now!

I think I walk like a 100 kilometers that day! It was a steep climb up the temple. I was really perspiring the whole time. If you touched my skin, it would definitely be very moist. The temple is really impressive and it's details so intricate! I got myself some protection bracelet and pray a little as we go.

We went up the pagoda, the stairs unspeakable! When we finally reach the top, phew! Fresh air! We saw the making of the biggest Guan Yin statue. Too bad it's still under construction. It would be so cool to see it when it's all done and ready! Perfection!

On to the beach. Ahhhh.. You could never say you've been to Penang without going for a trip to Batu Feringgi. It was like 5pm when we reach, but the sun was shining so brightly! I'm so going to get a tan.

I took off my shoes immediately, and feel the sand. The sand feels so nice.. Warm and soft, the sandy type. Stephan and me went down to the water and soak our feet. So refreshing!! The sound, the scent, the wind! I was instantly chilled.. And relaxed.

We went for a stroll along the beach, having the wave wash up to our feet. It's was a really nice walk.. :) Though we both wet our pants! That's pretty much FB material pictures. So incriminating..! I better not see it in FB! We walk all the way down to the end of the beach. It had these really huge rock there, and we took some shots on it. It's rock climbing time! Stephan with his emo pose and me with my mermaid ones!

I got ask to take a pic with some girls at the beaches. Notice the word 'with'. Look who's the movie star here? Heh heh.

We spend approximately two hours by the beach, walking and random chatting, It's all so serene.. I'm so glad I took this trip!

We had dinner at another favorite hawker stall of my family. Had fried oyster, char koey teow, popiah, cuttlefish etc etc. Stephan certainly come to the right place for food. Penang is the best! KL food will never taste the same again after this :P

Stephan and me plan to stay the night in Penang, getting to see the night life over here. They have the Bon Odori festival that night! Met Wilson and Jess there as well! And we were there just in time to watch the 5 minutes long of awesome firework display!! We were so close, it seems like the lights were falling down on us. It really beautiful..

I saw the statue man, some geisha, and I took pictures with all of them! Too bad the Ghost House was close, it'll be fun to have some horror during this trip! It was supposed to be horror theme- with the dodgy old lady, bearded guys, and twisted mind thingy. It would definitely be fun to pretend to scream in terror and scratch Stephan up bad! ;) HAHAHA kidding!

We went back to freshen up. Get some shower, and some fresh clothes (I smell like sea water). We went back out again, and coincidentally, the hotel was smack in the middle of the most happening place in Penang! There was this row of clubs and bar just beside it. Some with outdoor chairs and table to chill out, some that have loud banging music playing inside, some with a queue so long you couldn't get through, yada yada yada.

We settled for the outdoor chilling one. Order some cocktails. Mine was 'Corbe Libre' or something, with vodka, rum, top up coke, etc. I couldn't remember. Stephan had a Long Island. Both tasted really good, but I still think mine taste better. I really love it.

Too bad I always get red in the face when I drink. It's so embarrassing! We sat for about an hour plus before heading to the nearest 24-hours thing, bought some bottle of water and snack and head back to the room.

We watch some crappy movie on tv, and just lay back and chill..

It's the most memorable day for me.

And Stephan is being so nice all the time! A true gentleman. You're so sweet, you know that? :) Thanks for a great time!

I'll miss you!

ps: Luckily Bangsar isn't too far away. Did you get your bug repellent yet? It's going to come in handy soon! See ya!

An Un-Typical Friday

2009-07-20T16:45:00.008+08:00

I never thought that I would have so much fun being a tour-guide for the weekend. When I first got that task, I'm like 'O-kay, this is going to be tricky,' since I've never even toured Penang myself, let alone, touring someone else. I'm so going to make a fool out of myself.

It's all so random, Stephan saying he's coming down to Penang, asking me to be his tour-guide. And the most miracle thing is I actually said, 'Yes.' At any normal circumstances I would have just said, 'Maybe next time,' but considering it's his birthday when he ask- this would be my birthday present for you.

And- this weekend turns out to be a delightful surprise for me as well. Simply wonderful..

---

It all began with a very rushed morning. My driver cum boss ;), Mr Lim Wai Leong, was late (probably couldn't wake up in the morning, a so-not-morning-person like myself ;). It was 9.20 plus before we actually begin our journey to Pudu. It's all very nerve-wrecking for me. I would feel really bad if I would have to missed the bus!

Well, because of this nerve thingy going on inside me, I wasn't nearly as emotional as I would be saying my goodbyes to the Dutch babies. They were sweet though. We exchange hugs and sweet words and I immediately rushed over to Platform 22.

And I finally saw Stephan, waiting. Phew, I still made it. That's when he told me the bus would be arriving quite late. All the rushed feeling for nothing!! That's what you get, buying bus tickets from dodgy old lady ;)

The bus finally arrived at 10.35am plus. Sat in it and chatted the whole way back (not including the incident where I nearly lost my phone when the bus stop for nearly an hour at Gopeng).

We arrived at around 4pm. 6 hours journey..

Stephan met my mom and dad, took him for dumplings and later the movies, 'Harry Potter and the Half-Blooded Prince.' I'm fidgeting the whole time the movie was playing, I've sit like 6 hours in the bus, ate and now sitting again in the movies! Stephan gave Hermione a 7. She's hot and you gave her a 7?! You're so mean!

ps: Stephan has a thing for bearded-men (weird fetishes, hmmm..)

After the movie, we went home to freshen up a little bit before dinner. Stephan's first time in a local home. And MY home to say the least. The coolest home, with the coolest people. Don't you agree? Heh Heh. He's fascinate by all the antiques in the house(my mom's favorite), the Chinese figurines, and my crown and sashes (Miss Something Something! ;)

After a tour and some water, we went to Bukit Tambun for seafood. Took him to this fantastic place, and we had big steam fish, two bowl of rice crabs, some real hot tofu and a steaming plate of la-las. Did we eat a lot! I think both Stephan and me are loser, having end up with not beer-belly but big seafood bellies. My mom and dad are so cunning!

Went home, showered. Watch some weird complicating movie on tv with mom, dad, and Stephan, chit chatting at the same time, before they retired to bed. Stephan recommended this really crappy movie called 'American Pie' and we watch it till like nearly 2.30am in the morning. It was crappily funny!!

We went to bed then. Too much sitting cost you energy. It seems like it.

All in all, I had serious fun bullying Stephan, eating and just plain chilling :)

Hellos And Goodbyes

2009-07-16T01:33:00.002+08:00

In life, you meet many people. Some are here to stay, but unfortunately, some have to leave you by. Leaving you with only tiny imprints of their footsteps in your heart..

That's life. And no matter what, life goes on..

Getting into university, and joining AIESEC, has vastly expand my social network. I meet new people practically on a daily basis! I remembered, when I started out, I was surrounded by strangers, a hundred faces, in which name-remembering prove to be a challenge for me.

Day by day, week by week, the crowd thinned, and what's left are us, the AIESECer! And what does AIESECer do? We clicked almost instantly! We have the same mindset; ambitious, adventurous, social, proactive, friendly, open-minded, willing to learn and expand, risk taker, and the pulling need to develop our potential to its fullest! And what does a group of super highly charged people do? We lead, we delegate, we work as a team. All with one goal in mind, to make an impact or change as many lives as we possibly can by making international exchanges possible! Internship!

Now I sound like a badly tuned radio, promoting promoting promoting...

Well, AIESEC plays a huge part in my life, and since this is MY blog, hey, why not? I could publicize as much as I want to, and as often as I can. If you're interested in my life, first, you got to know about AIESEC. It's a life changing experience, where you get to experience 'Hellos and Goodbyes' in a whole new level!

I met the Dutch Ambassadors last Thursday. The first 'Hello' never prepared me for this. It never occurs to me that, by saying hello, a relationship this strong is going to form. A friendship. Though it was barely a week since we meet, but it seems like I've been friends with them from the beginning!

Being their 'babysitter', constantly thinking where they are, what they're up to, are they fed, are they hungry, are they crying for their nanny ;) somehow, their presence here in my life, has took on a 'permanent residency' status. I'm so used to seeing them around, I have a very bad feeling that when they leave, I'm going to miss them something awful. Goodbyes are the hardest words..

I've learned so much from them these past few days. Not only what I've gotten from the workshop they conducted, but also from interacting daily with them, conversing with them, getting to know them, see the differences we have, share experience, share our views. Being their babysitter also help me in developing a sense of responsibility, putting their need ahead of mine, going out of my way to do something for others. It's something I learn during this period. Yeah, I was pretty much a selfish meanie back then ;)

Rutger is a sweet guy. Soft spoken, but could sometime laugh like a kid! Good looking too. You have really nice eyes. And some really cool sense of style! Love it! Make you look all the more irresistible! I would definitely miss you with your jokes, laughter, and martial art kungfu!

Nard is the one and only Incredible Hulk. Always ready with a smile, and a fierce looking stare if prompt to give one. He may sometimes give the impression of a meanie, but he is actually really friendly, funny, simple and sometimes even adorable! Looks are deceiving, I can say that. I'm going to miss you too, your teasing, your sarcasm, your stares, your smiles.

I would definitely miss the song 'Suzannah' (not even sure I got the spelling right!). Now you got me addicted to it.. It's youtube time!! I'm gonna get the song, one way or another ;) Now no one would sing me songs.. Maybe Bettina would resume your job. You guys have such a bad influence on her!!

Tomorrow would be your last night here.. Sob. I think I'm gonna cry. Nah!!! Not that easy! :P Goodbye isn't the end, I hope. Stay in touched alright, babies? Be good and try not to terrorize your next sitter!

I'll miss you, Rutger and Nard! Indefinitely..

Crusher And Crushee

2009-07-14T01:47:00.005+08:00

I'm such a bad bad person.. I couldn't believe I'm starting that crushing thing all over again!! Well, one part of me is glad. Prove that I've move on. And that's definitely great news!

No more emo Sue Ann!

But before I proceed to my new 'crushes', wow, plural, I must be real bad. I'm going to have to recap, what I've learn, the mistakes I made, and how I could have done better, make better choices. Something I learned during the goal setting workshop today, conducted by the two awesome Dutch Ambassadors!(they said they are, who knows?)

---

I've learned a lot from this period of my life. It could be said that, this period has changed me, from an adolescent to an adult. I've made mistakes. I broke someone's trust. Someone I cared deeply about. And I nearly lost him. That, made me think..

I used to be bluntly honest. I talk without thinking. Being spontaneous and all. And I realize, something are meant to be a secret. And some secrets are not mine to share. It may not be a big deal for me but it is for others. I see that now.

The new me, thinks before she speaks. Spontaneity would always be there, but this time, I'll screened through what I'm about to say and make sure I don't step on anyone's feet.

Still, I manage to screw up again. I couldn't let go. And in the process, sadly to say, I lose myself. My identity. My personality. My dignity. My confidence. My principle. Whatever that makes me, ME. And the worst part of it all was that, I worried my family, I neglected my friends, my studies, my responsibilities and I've been a total train-wrecked. Yeah.. I so did not make a good company.

And again, I aced in making mistakes. I guess third time is the charm. I broke my promise. And I deserve what's coming for me. No matter how awful, I deserve it. I lose my friends. Something irreplaceable..

I've made so many mistakes, and did nothing right! It's time I reevaluate myself, and redefine a new me. The process is still undergoing, but this episode has made up my mind to change. I've been very ignorant for a very long time. It's time to wake up and view the world differently, from another perspective, and maybe I'll find a whole new concept awaiting my comprehension.

It's the time for changes.

---

Back to the crusher and crushee part. It feels good to be back in the game! Back to having butterflies in my stomach, smiling coyly, find myself staring dreamily. All the symptoms are popping up!!

I welcome it with open arms! ^_^

Crushing on someone is a really nice feeling. I mean, trying to figure out if they're feeling the same way for you too.. Keeping you on your toes..

Well, I'm not going to divulge any further. Or I may ruin the surprise! You know who you are! :) A hint, I'm crushing on all four of you!

Am I bad or what.. Yeah, I guess I am. As always!

Life Has A Way Of Playing Tricks

2009-07-11T22:51:00.004+08:00

I can't blog last night. And I was really really emotional..

But, if I hadn't had no where to write off this pent up feeling inside of me, I wouldn't have figure another better way to confide. A special thank you to those who had play a part in helping me pass through it.

It's the first time I cried on the phone like a crybaby. You must be shocked! I can imagine you are. :) I never thought that it'll be you whom I'll called. But somehow, at my lowest point, when I saw you beeping online on MSN, I just pick up my phone and called. And thanks god I did. I need that 45 minutes of tears. I must have sound really bad..!

Crying is the best remedy for stress..

Thank you...

Don't get me wrong, I had great fun yesterday! And as people says, life have to be at balance. If you're too happy, at certain point, you'll just feel sad, to counteract the utopia felt earlier.

You know the feeling of great thankfulness? Like when you're so hungry, you're on the verge of dying, and someone offered you a bowl of rice? That's how I feel when at the most down moment of my life, I had people dropping in, giving me a pat or two. Don't take me too literally, it certainly wasn't a pat or two but rather actions that made me feel appreciated and not alone.

Receiving Rutger and Nard's sms saying they miss me today.. You wouldn't believe the feeling that come gushing from that one message. To know that you're appreciated, to know that you've made an impact on someone else life, to know that I've change so much from how I used to be, an anti-social to the person I am now, who could engage myself into the life of others.

Indescribable...

---

According to a friend of mine, I think too much, that's why I stress myself out unnecessarily. I think he may be right..

Well, I had the whole of today, plainly relaxing. Thanks to Freddy, I did manage to have a relaxing Saturday.

I had a decent sleep.

Went to my go-to mall, Midvalley.

I had lunch at my favorite restaurant, Sushi King.

I watch 'Obsessed' which by the way is highly recommend!! I love every bit of it! Beyonce can act! And Ali Carter is really scary in this movie! A must watch!

I didn't have dinner at my all time favorite place, Niello (thanks to Freddy, the stubborn pig) and had 'bak kut teh' instead :) which cost nearly as much. See, stubborn that's why.

Went to Macy (the furniture shop on the way to UPM) and had a field time looking at furniture, curtain especially. Gosh, are we at total opposite end where taste is concern.. Obviously mine is the better judgment.

If it was me with a new house, I'll have the best looking house ever! :) And there would be no such saying about stuff like, 'Keep my house pure.' MY house, wouldn't be in the least, pure ;)

You're so boring!

Boring yes, but you can be absolutely sweet at times too.

It's very well-known to me, you're a stingy man. Yes, you are. Don't deny it! :P So when you got me home (with me only having RM5 in my purse), and we forgot to go visit the bank to withdrew money.. And when you said, you're lazy to turn around and go to the CIMB bank, I thought, Okay, no problem. It's really no biggie, I could survive with RM5.

What really surprise me, and touched me most, was when your hand went into your pocket and you took out your wallet. And said..

'Five enough a not? Better I give you some money first.'

Freddy has the ability to suddenly surprise me. That one sentence really touched me. :) Okay, I admit, you're a good friend. Not many are like you, stay the way you are. Sooner or later, you'll get someone who would appreciate you and make babies with you!

Finally, I got back around 9pm plus, had a nap, got a shower and now, lying cozily in bed typing in this post. Plan on a chick flick later tonight. Who wanna join? ;)

A Hot Sweaty Busy Hectic And Yet Beautiful Day

2009-07-10T01:13:00.008+08:00

A great day is when- you have to babysit two big babies!

The day started with my alarm ringing at 8am. I told Sin Ying I could help her to set up the recruitment booth. Unfortunately, the night before, I slept at around 2am and being the so-not-morning person me, I can't make it.. Sorry Sin Ying, I FFK!

Sin Ying was kind enough to let me go, but at 9.30am my phone rang.

Shiek Ching: 'Hello, Sue Ann, wake up already?'

-grunt- 'Yeah, what is it?'

'The Dutch Ambassadors are here. Very good looking!'

'Uh huh.. and..?'

Sin Ying: 'Can come and help out now? Because got no people..'

'45 minutes'.

45 minutes later..

Wai Leong: 'Come promote to me and see.'

'Stress la.. Don't worry. I know how to promote one..'

And indeed, today I really got out of my comfort zone. I always hate recruiting, promoting. I hate approaching people and try to get them to hear you out. But today, with a smile on my face, I approach people. Well, the first two human victim, I bump my head a little. My speech were not as flowy as I wanted it to be, but I improve with every new victims.

I guess, practice does make perfect.

I enjoyed today's boothing tremendously. And that's when I met Nard and Rutger, the supposedly-good-looking-Dutch-Ambassadors (easily spelled but absolutely tough to pronounce!). Well, they're the ultimate big babies prototype if I ever seen one. Childish!! Hahaha! But they made me laugh the entire day. And for that, I'm grateful. You guys are a bunch of smiles and laughter.

Ohya, I nicknamed Nard.. -drumroll- 'The Incredible Hulk'! If you watch him closely, you could see the vein throbbing :) I'm so gonna get killed for this.

Not forgetting Rutger.. Well, he's lucky, I have yet to find a name for him. His turn will come, don't worry. And I'll make sure it's a nasty one. Hehe! Ice-cream bribery won't help!

---

We have expectation setting later on. A list of what we want Nard and Rutger to do for us. Now, who's the slaves here? ;)

Turns out, they're a couple of knowledgeable big babies. I learn a lot from them just during the meeting, random culture sharing, random questions, just random chatting. You wouldn't know what you'll get just by talking with people who are different from you. You'll learn from their perspective. And that's the beauty of culture sharing.

After the meeting, they revert to their old childish self and I got the 'pleasure' of babysitting them. What are two UPM-er to do (yours truly and Wei Heng), but took them for dinner at Diana. Ooooh! I miss Diana! All the various rotis. We actually receive such warm welcome and service (maybe Kaiser play a huge role in this area, well, he IS the apprentice). They actually let Rutger snap shots of them throwing the rotis!

And the most memorable part was when they had just finish the roti I Love You, they actually come over and invite Rutger to snap a shot of it! Is that warm or what? Quote Rutger, 'Malaysian are soooo friendly, and they really seem sincere too. Genuinely sincere! Sickly friendly.' Hahaha!

They loved their roti Diana. And it actually fills the unfillable Incredible Hulk!

---

Too bad not all good thing last. After we went back, I sms them, making sure they're fine and everything (I'm so good and sweet to you guys, and you call me Pikachu, so MEAN!). No replies.. Well, maybe I'm not such a good host after all.

It wasn't until later that night did I know that they had actually lost their phone! That's terrible. I feel so bad about it. How could I've let this happen? :(

ps: Don't bring Big Babies out the next time a couple decides to drop in. ;)

All in all, I had a great day today, and YES, join AIESEC!!! It's an experience no other can give!

Seriously!

Something I Learn Today

2009-07-08T16:04:00.004+08:00

Today is a very seriously bad luck day. It started off with a night of insomnia, tossing and turning in bed (I hate it when I don't have a decent sleep), followed by a total *makan sign* morning.

I woke up today, 1 hour earlier from my supposed class at 9am, in hope of getting to class early for once. Very happily I went to shower, getting myself fresh and clean. I walk back to my room, and when I turn the doorknob, IT WOULD NOT OPEN!

Gosh, my roomie lock me out! I knocked and knocked. I move a step or two back and glanced at the fan, the rotation was coming to a stop. I'm like, 'Oh no, I just miss her!' Shit!

Imagine this, stranded outside your room in nothing but your towel and a basketful of bathroom supplies!!! *makan sign*

I panicked. Sin Ying is in class. Amanda should be on her way too! Who else am I going to turn to? I remembered a friend's room, at the other end of the corridor but not the room number! I went around the area which I saw her and called her name. I look idiotic, I can tell you that. No one answer, as expected.

When I was about to go out of my mind, I look down and saw Dorothy! Thank god! Finally, someone I knew!

She take me into her room.

And I'm like, 'Can borrow me some clothes?'

'Sure. Which one you want?'

'Erm, baju kurung would fit all right?'

She hand me the baju kurung.

'Erm.. there's another problem. I need a bra...' (soooo embarassing.. thanks god I got my undies phew!)

'Erm..'

'Maybe a singlet type clothing?'

'Ah okay.'

When I'm all dressed, she told me that maybe I should try the office. They usually have spare keys. So I went in and ask, and TA-DAH! Finally, my room KEY!

I got to keep the baju kurung and ahem, but I'm not wearing them. It's not mine, and it's kind of really uncomfortable in other people's clothing. I'll wash them tonight :)

And the really *makan sign* incident is waiting for me when I got to my room. I open the door and inside was my roomie! WTF!

Apparently, she went out to fill her water jug or something.. LOL! I find myself wondering, why off the fan to go for a water jug filling? Weird.. Oddly enough, I'm not mad! I laughed with her!

Lesson learned: When you have a new roomie, get her number in case of emergency :)

---

So I miss Microeconomics. Next lesson, Statistics, pronounced as Sta-THI-IS-tic. Seems like my Statistic lecturer love teaching English. And my, is he a good crapper! One moment we're talking numbers and the next, how lecturer's who is teaching in English have to have good English etc etc.

I find myself not seeing and/or listening to any numbers at all! Sounds fun, except for the fact that my heart keep thudding scarily, thinking about the papers..

Something I learn today.

Raw data--> Grouped Data--> Information--> Knowledge--> Wisdom

Sounds tough? Here's an example. From Mr. Choo himself.

Is drugs good or bad? I say it's good. Anesthetic, painkiller, antibiotic etc etc, all these are drugs. And they are good drugs. As doctors, they have the knowledge, acquire after years of training and learning, to know the uses of these drugs. But do they have the wisdom? The ability to USE the knowledge they have? For good or for bad?

I find this information really intriguing, interesting and it actually open my eyes on a new concept. So this is what wisdom meant. Based on that one equation. I'm getting to like Mr. Choo and his craps a lot!

It's just a story I want to share :)

All Dress Up With Nowhere To Go

2009-07-06T23:47:00.003+08:00

It's a riddle. Think you got the answer?

3

2

1

'Mannequin'!

Did you got it right? Tricky huh? Here's another one. Not too late, not too early. Simple. Just rack your brain and you'll figure it out!

Alright, 3 2 1

'Just In Time'!

Who got it right? I wonder if anyone actually did. I still have loads, but I've forgotten them at the time being. Reason for these riddles here in my post is because I've realized that the only application I could play here in kolej is blogspot! How unfair! Facebook is lagging like there's no tomorrow, nothing much on gmail, twitter is also lagging, and the worst part, I couldn't MSN at night!!

Boring.. boring.. and boring..

Frustrated.. frustrated.. and frustrated..

Never thought my night life could be any duller. I should be in the arms of a tall dark stranger, staring at the stars and moon, whispering sweet romance into my ear. Or maybe at the movies catching a chick flick or two. Cry a bucket of tears. Or even out drinking and snacking on fries with my friends.

Or attend a farewell party for an intern I barely know.

Why am I in my room, facing my laptop and typing in this crappy post then? God knows..

Am I doing the right thing? A friend of mine said, 'Sometimes, being too hard on yourself might just inflict more pain on yourself. It's not like you need to see him but just let go of the issue. After all, fall out boy is here to stay.' He's such a wise man. I kind of agree.

So am I doing the right thing? It seems so. I feel relieved, never better. Excluding the fact that my night life turn dull over sem. I really got to start finding myself some entertainment to pass the night!

Line of the day:-

It's never easy to decide to do something and find the courage to stick to it.

Start Of A New Semester

2009-07-06T17:33:00.003+08:00

Monday. 6th July 2009.

The first day of my third sem. I wonder, what will this sem brings me? My last two sems were not as, should I say, 'normal'. Will this sem be as un-normal as the last? Will I learn as much as I did?

I foresee a big change. Me, my life and my view on life. What's with AIESEC and all.. A big change.. A big positive change..

I hope.

I pray.

I believe.

This sem would be different. In many ways. Some favorable, some unfavorable. For example, my hectic schedule would be under- unfavorable. There are some things that I love doing, yamcha-ing for instance, I foresee will be cut down. Awww.. that's so sad. I love hanging out with my friends!

There are times when I will feel left out.. Well, it's something I should expect. Though, it doesn't make me feel all the more better.

Ohya! New room, new roomie! Oh gosh, I miss Amanda!! I don't think my roomie and I could communicate well. She speaks Mandarin- fast. I struggled to interpret the meaning before she went on with another question, and I feel kind of dumb, trying to get the right words with the right pronunciation out.

I foresee a not-so-communicative-relationship in the future. At least for the next one year. One long year.... Now I realize I took Amanda for granted!!

-playing 'Baby Come Back'!- ;)

By the way, I hate the location of my room. I hate corners, and I got a room wayyyy back at the end of the corridor. It sucks.. In return, pray the room comes with great internet connection!

-keep my fingers cross-

Why So Serious?

2009-07-03T15:58:00.003+08:00

One thing I realize today, 'Why so serious?'

I used to be a serious person. As in I don't really crap a lot. Nor do I make jokes, or be lame. I'm just a normal girl living a normal life. A dull one that is. Lots of time alone by myself, appreciating music, movies, just laying on the bed on my own, with my own thought. It used to be very peaceful for me, serene.

Now, I find that a total dull. I do still need time alone to think, don't get me wrong. I'll go crazy or really frustrated if I don't get it. I could even cry. But- I've found some other more exciting things to do with my time. And that's to take life un-seriously.

Why so uptight all the time? Why frown when you can smile? Why screw up your face so much? You'll just grow old faster. And you're missing all the little wonders that life brings by just being that way.

Recently I found out that I do like to crap. Joke, be lame. It's so relieving. And talking to people like this just can't help but put a smile on my face. I just chatted with Eve Lynn (she's a total darling, a drama queen and a chatterbox!) and I was smiling all the time that my mum keep looking up at me, with a weird look on her face. I guess she's probably wondering who could make me smile this sweetly.

Fact is, anybody can. I guess I do smile easily.

It dawn on me that, life can be a load of laugh and smiles. And the secret is simple. 'Why so serious?'

Gosh, I love life!! ^_^

A Lending Ear

2009-06-29T22:40:00.003+08:00

I'm so glad that I have you to chat with at night. I'm so glad that I decide to tease you. And from there we build this ship, call friendship.

You came into my life at the exact moment. When I needed a person to talk to most. Someone to just crap with me, play jokes with me, entertain my insane humor, listen when needed to, and talk when I just want to be silent (which is rare, I know).

Not only that but we could also talk AIESEC! And we're in the same department. How cool is that? I got Wei Heng and now I got you for some pointers, and as a benchmark for myself to excel better. Well, I guess that's the benefit of mixing with an all too E&E group of friends.

Sometimes, the advise you give are so good and my comebacks even better (haha), that I just want to publish our conversation right here in my post. Do I get a permission for that? That would be so cool.

I foresee a blossoming friendship.

A team is a team. One AIESEC Malaysia. We stay together, through thick and thin. Don't worry, I'll make full use of the number you gave me, and make sure you do see me through thick and thin. Tears and laughter, pressure and achievements. :)

Prove yet another fact that I've known but couldn't find it in me to implement, yet:-

People have the tendency to surprise, so don't let any barrier stop you from pursuing a friendship, acknowledging or giving people the opportunity to show what they could do.

Considered this as my un-returned sugar cube. Hey, a post dedicated to you. Better than any sugar cube you can get right? Aw, I'm so smart. ;)

See, I know you endure all my shooting for a reason.

And thank you.

Does Sorry Counts For Anything?

2009-06-28T13:48:00.002+08:00

I hate the word sorry. I hate saying it and I hate to be the one receiving it. If sorry were ever needed, that means something very wrong has happen. Something that needed that word to quench the guilt.

When I did something wrong, I wanted to say sorry. But I've always known 'Sorry No Cure.' When I do say sorry, I really do mean it, but what purpose does it serve apart from releasing me from my guilt? Do people really want to hear sorry?

Though sorry doesn't do anymore good nor does it do anymore harm, the word do still hold some value and impact.

We're not God. People often make mistakes. That's what human beings do. We screw up. Sometimes, big time. People, when sometimes faced with a choice between doing the right thing, they panicked, they stumbled, they became indecisive, and eventually, more often than not, people tends to make mistakes. And how else are we to repent, but by saying sorry.

It's an act of remorse. Knowing that you've done something so wrong that its eating you up inside, and yet, can do nothing about it, but just saying the word sorry.

Sorry is about asking for forgiveness. Are we so cruel that we couldn't forgive? Do you want to be a person who live in spite or be the man or woman you are and accepted the mistake made and make peace with that?

---

I'm a person who accept.

I don't live my life in spite or hate.

I just live.

---

When I said I'm a bad person, and I can be really really cruel, I'm referring to my tendency to live again with a clean slate. Starting anew. And the way I do it, is undoubtedly selfish of me. I admit. I'm no saint.

I'm a person who is decisive. I got no patience. If I find myself in a situation where things are getting nowhere, until a certain point of time, I'll leave. And I leave adamantly. No turning back. And I'm ruthless.

The reason I'm removing you off my life, isn't because of something you did. Like I said, I don't react to what people do to me, but merely, I just accept.

You did nothing wrong.

In fact, you've been a great part of my life. One of the happier one. You're a good guy, who just sometimes lack the ability to make a decision. And because of that, we're on this roundabout trip, unable to reach what is to be our destination.

So, I've made this selfish decision of mine, to remove you from my life. I hope I'll find my path again. And you too.

Thank you for saying it's okay for me to do this, you've help remove me of this guilt I've been having since I made this decision. I know it must have hurt you just as much as it hurt me to remove you from my life.

We've been such close friends, the four of us, you, Sin Ying, Amanda and me. And I know it would never be the same if one of us were missing. Still, I hope that the three of you could continue to hold on to this friendship on behalf of me :) O-kay, now it seems like I'm writing a will or something.

To make things short, whatever that will unfold in the future, we'll never know. But as the saying goes, 'Every cloud has a silver lining.' Just stay strong and life would unfold itself. ;) You'll never know what's awaiting you when you turn that corner.

Bygones

2009-06-27T00:22:00.002+08:00

Last night, I see for myself how harsh and brutal people can be. I wouldn't believe what my mum told me to be true, because I always believe the good in people. I always trust them to do the right thing. Make the right decision. Do no scam, do no cheat and do no lies.

You prove me wrong..

Now I wondered if you were ever sincere. I wonder if everything you say or do were actually for real. I couldn't believe how naive I was taking in all your lies. It's all just an act. You're the puppeteer and I, the puppet.

You blamed me..

I broke my promise and for that I'm sorry. But you weren't the only one hurt in this crossfire. All I did was to fall for you. And I deserve this?

An sms from you today shatter my heart. What's left of it.

You open my eyes. You broke the spell. And I'm grateful. Finally, the truth.

---

I'm glad that my mum was supportive all these while. Never quit in trusting me. Never quit loving me. Never quit staying by me, with her comforting words and hugs. She never give up on me. Even when I wouldn't listen to her, she still stay, beckoning me with a smile or two.

Not forgetting my siblings. My sister, Sue Jane, is somewhat like my father. She doesn't voice her feelings much. But she was there for me, comforting me with her baby talks, buying me snacks, just being there. I'm touched. My brother, well, he's like a solid brick supporting this family. Helping my mum cope with my ignorance and stupidity.

Forgive me, mum, for my rebellion. I truly am sorry.

---

Its time to let bygones be bygones.

I've deleted you off MSN.

I've deleted you off Facebook.

And I've deleted your number.

You'll never see my face again. As you wish.

I'm sorry for everything.

Say Yes To No

2009-06-24T22:25:00.003+08:00

People who can't take NO for an answer. Why?

Sometimes, in life, you get rejected once or twice. Some people take it, some don't. Lets talk about those who don't. Rejected is not a word in their vocabulary. They simply can't digest it. They won't give up without a fight. They will fight tooth and nails to get what they want. One way or another.

They are stubborn, persistent, and they just couldn't lose.

These people are to be feared. And pitied.

---

Lady X is an decently attractive woman, with a flying career. She's smart, aggressive, savvy. She's used to getting her way. She could have anything she ever wanted.

One afternoon, at the bookshop, she met Gentleman Y. Sparks flies and soon they were romantically involve.

One night, Gentleman Y said, 'I'm sorry Lady X, I'm so sorry. I love you. But I'm already married. I have a wife and two kids. Forgive me. But my wife and kids need me.'

Lady X was devastated.

Days goes by and yet Lady X still couldn't move on with her life. She couldn't get Gentleman Y out of her head. She couldn't remember what else he said, but just those three words that keeps her awake at night. 'I love you.. I love you.. I love you..'

She cling on.

Finally, she call up Gentleman Y. The night end passionately and they started an affair.

It's been three years, and everyday Lady X keep hoping that one day, Gentleman Y would finally come up to her and say, 'I love you. And I want to marry you. I'm getting a divorce.'

She waited and waited. But that day never come.

---

Nice story?

Let me ask you a question.

Does Lady X really loves Gentleman Y or just trying to get Gentleman Y to love her at all cost?

What's the moral of the story then? Hmmm..

---

Don't you think people who can't take NO for an answer are actually pitiful people? They may be strong and smart, superior, but when it comes to rejection, they just couldn't handle it.

It's never good to be so full of yourself, arrogant, egoistic. You put yourself so high up on the pedestal that you're unfallable. You'll stop at nothing to ensure that. Even hurting yourself in the process.

A real person is defected by nature. Nobody is perfect. To err is to human.

Everyone fall and you just have to accept that you have fall and humiliated yourself, and be brave enough to stand back up and walk again. Rejection is never easy. And its something that everyone has to deal with.

Don't be like Lady X.

Learn to say 'Yes' to 'No'.

Talking Under The Influence

2009-06-22T18:15:00.004+08:00

I may have my weak point. I may break down. I may burst into an uncontrollable bought of tears. But I'm definitely not a delicate little flower.

---

What is commonly said. 'Time does not heal, the truth does.' So why don't you tell me the truth?

What's the truth you may ask?

Well, the truth is facts that you don't want me to hear.

Comprendo?

---

I walk around. A smile plastered on my face. Like a crying clown.

I often ask myself, do people notice when I'm crying or do they just see the smile I put on for show?

Sometimes, I smile so hard, I forgot the reason I was crying just awhile ago. And I jump around in my too-big-shoe, pinching my big red nose, getting people to laugh with me.

The shows end. The curtain closes. And the make up ruins as tears pour down my face.

---

You came into this world knowing that you would die someday. Then why are you here?

---

Talking under the influence. A crappy post. Non-stop nonsense. Pay no attention. Virus detected. If you experience 'blur blur'-ness, or raise an eyebrow while you're reading this, too bad. You have just been infected by the Sue Ann's insanity syndrome.

Get a doctor quick! And you'll get your dose of drugs and hallucination. Lets mass hysteria together!

"You! Yes, you. I can't believe you move on before I did. Gosh. I hate losing."

You cruel cruel man.

But..

There's always a but. Before I end my speech so harshly, (yes, I got to say what's in my heart, so please forgive me!!), I honestly sincerely am happy for you. Congratulations!!:)

Sorry for all the bugging. You should really get a bug repellent. Though it stinks.

Yay! Finally, I let it all out. Keeping things inside is so not for me.

And here ends my 'temporarily insanity' episode. -viewer discretion is advisable-

Chilling Out

2009-06-18T17:12:00.003+08:00

After the strenuousness NATCON with its unlimited dosage of planning, I finally got to chill out at Stephan's. But before we come to it, the journey there is an extreme torture. For Wei Heng at least ;) He was gentleman enough to offer to carry my you-know-how-big-luggage. I guess I wouldn't have survive if Wei Heng isn't around to take care of me. He's sincerely protective.

When we finally arrived at Stephan's, there's no single dry spot on his shirt. Gosh, I feel so bad.

This is where it gets better. Chilling out at Stephan's was an awesome experience. Just sitting in the living room (its so cozy) under the fan, with this big window and a decent view. Life couldn't be much better than that.

Since both our head are jammed with the previous planning thingy, we pass the honor to Stephan to figure out the agenda for later. Too bad the movie outing was canceled. I would really love to watch '17 Again' yet another time. But every cloud has a silver lining. The events after that was even better :) and much relaxing.

We head down to Bangsar Village to join Diana. Had dinner at this Indian place at the corner. Nice ambiance. Though I previously set an expectation of wanting meat meat MEAT, I would have to make do with mee goreng mamak. Both Wei Heng and me were officially broke from NATCON. I welcome the spiciness of the mee goreng mamak. After 5 days of very receptors dulling food, I need some spice in my life!

Stephan suggested that we go to Reggaebar, but since I'm a newbie to clubbing and all, and since it's only the 3 of us, (Diana was extremely tired and just wanted to sleep) we consolidate on drinking at this nice light bar at the corner of the street. I wanted to try alcohol, but I know I would definitely turn red. And to walk back, being red like a traffic light, is so not what I had in kind. So I just ordered a mocktail :) Stephan and Wei Heng had a what-you-call-it-alcohol drink each. Man, can they drink. And they don't even turn red!

We decided bring the party back to the apartment. Bought some coke and snacks. The walk back was pretty mundane, just burning off some calories.

Back at the apartment, Stephan reset his job as the DJ and played some light music. We chit chat, laze around the sofa. And then- Stephan bring out the alcohol. Never though that my first can of alcoholic drink was Heineken! I drank and snack on potato chips. I got really red everywhere! Am I lucky that the lighting is orange in color. To camouflage me a little. When I was in the bathroom, my face, neck, chest and even stomach was red.. Phew.

I wasn't that drunk. In fact, apart for some, giddiness, I guess I'm pretty alright. Wei Heng fall asleep around 12.30 on the couch. See, I'm even a better drinker than him ;) Heh heh. I bullied Stephan the whole night, shooting him. Well, basically, my humor. Shooting people. We chat and chat, watched Wei Heng sleep, chat some more, and finally I'm off to bed at around 3.30. He's gentleman enough to offer me his bed. But guess what that got him, only two hours of sleep on the couch. Lol. Couch are still NOT meant to be slept in ;)

I can't wait to visit again. And bug you guys at your new home. Maybe this time, you could bring us clubbing :) Till, we meet again, au revoir!

ps: Wei Heng is green~ Wei Heng is green~!

The Leap Of Faith

2009-06-18T16:40:00.002+08:00

I had a hard time during pre-NATCON. I was being my usual self, the anti-social, so-not-enjoying participation and painfully quiet me. I just sat, and listen. Just listening. It wasn't fun, I can assure you.

But then, one day, someone whom I never paid much attention to, come into my life. I admit, I'm no people person. I don't involve everyone in everything. I just dismiss people that I think have nothing to contribute without actually finding out what they ARE capable of doing. I couldn't believe how ignorant and stupid I was.

As I was saying, I had a hard time. I was extremely out of it. I just want to feel that belong. I desperately need a shoulder, a hug, a pat, just some physical contact to hold on to reality or I think I'll float into the abyss. I ache for a hug but I dare not approach others. I am too arrogant to ask for help. That's me. Idiotic me.

Just when I was nearly off the cliff, she took my hand. She smile at me and say, 'Come la.. Come and join us.' A simple action made the whole difference. She single handedly took me back in into the group, the crowd. And I feel wanted and belonged. My heart felt so warm. How could someone be so angelic and I stared at her invisibly all this time? I promise, I'll never overlook anyone ever again after this. I will change.

I struggled during NATCON, but with an entire different set of problem. I feel slightly intimidated, inferior. I feel I had a huge shoe to fit, stepping into Crystal's shoe for NATCON. I feel like every move I make, people were scrutinizing me, making judgment, making remarks. I feel the wall closing in on me. I feel the need to prove something, in which I could not prove yet. I feel helpless. I basically felt like giving up at one point, because I sincerely think I'm not capable of the expectation people are setting on me. Especially during the start of NATCON where I know nothing at all.

Time flies. And with the support from my team, I manage to gain what little confident that I manage to scrap. Everyday, I gain more input. Slowly, step by step, I see where I'm heading, what I should be doing, what needs to be done. The picture become clearer and clearer. And the wall fades. Although I still have doubt, but it is no longer greater than the promises I made. Its something that I've said I would do, and yes, it is my responsibility to see it done.

I know that with the support from everyone, I will not be lost. Thanks Sheah Nie, Amanda, Ru Wei, Wei Heng, Wai Leong, Brandon, Chin Chin, Sin Ying, Eve Lynn, Shin and practically everyone who was there for me. Go go LC UPM!

Does Trying Makes It Enough?

2009-06-09T02:03:00.005+08:00

I just watch Wall-E. I know it's kind of very late for me to be watching it since it was premier like ages ago. Am I glad I decided to watch it. You'll never know how much you miss until you're actually exposed to it. I just spent the last one hour plus, crying something awful in my room. Gosh, I'm such a crybaby when it comes to touching movies.

The start of the movie have already gotten me teary eyes. I hate the humans for running away, leaving the robots (though they are robots, it's wrong, so wrong) to clean up their messes. Makes me thought of discrimination! Wall-E may seem ugly dirty old and rusty on the outside, but he's the most polite, well-mannered, feelingful, brave and loving robot. And that's what makes him beautiful. Who you are in the inside, that's what matters.

His mundane lifestyle, routine day screamed loneliness. I could feel his loneliness pressing down on me, even as I watch it through the screen of my laptop, propped on my bed. And yet, he still make the effort to make life much more bearable, pleasing and cozy. He made himself a home. That's how a human being should be, strong, making an effort to face the adversity of life! To live is a challenge itself. It takes courage. Not many can do it. Bravado is a gift I have yet to receive.

Well, the love story between Wall-E and Eva is of the utmost touching and sweet! To the core! Eva comes as the most beautiful thing he ever saw, perfection. Though feeling mildly inadequate, did he succumb to cowardly retreats? No. He pursue what he wants. He keeps trying. Giving, giving and more giving. Even though the object of his affection could not have known what he did for her, but did he care? No. He wants to to be there for her, protect her from the rain, the sand storm, whatever harm that may come her way, because he just want to. He loves her. And he cares for her. He didn't need a reason to do what he did.

Wall-E can be said as the most sweetest character I have seen thus far. It's so touching towards the end, when Eva reciprocated Wall-E's affection. I feel a swell of happiness for him, knowing that from now on, he will never be lonely again..

Wall-E has a simple mind. And what he want was so simple, that it hurts with the simplicity of it.

Ever wonder why God made us with gap between our fingers? (This is not the time to argue logically, just go with the feelings alright?) So that one day, a special someone would come along to fill in the gap for you.

-It's never too late, to try. Again.-

Dreading Anticipation

2009-06-05T14:43:00.003+08:00

As usual, I'm starting to dread having to go down to KL for NATCON. I know I would have lots of fun there but, towards the going part, I can't help but feel utmost dread.

Everyday that passes by, every minutes, every seconds, my heart beat more painfully each time. I don't want to go. I don't want to leave my family behind. Suddenly I had this unbearable missing-them-something-awful attitude. I feel that every moment I had left here counts. It's a little stressful, to try and enjoy every moment to the fullest.

It's so not like me at all to not go out for a movie. I actually declined a movie outing, just to stay home. I'm not sure why though. Just felt like I got to.

This happen very naturally to me. The dreading. Doesn't mean that I don't want to go back to my friends :) When I'm back, UPM would be my second home. And everything would just settle itself down.

It's the dreading part that I hate.. sigh. HATE HATE HATE!

An Emotion Dried

2009-05-23T23:32:00.001+08:00

I say goodbye yesterday
To someone I thought was special
But I knew when I saw you walk away
That you, were never real

I may have dream or make-believe
And told a lie or two
But yesterday I found my peace
When I let go of you

However a part of me did die
Although a very little part
My watching eyes refused to cry
But somewhere I felt an aching start

What is done cannot be undone
The pain will soon go as you have gone
And I shall recover again to carry on
With the bittersweet memories of this bygone

I said goodbye yesterday
And I'll never say hello again
Because I let you walk away
I shall leave you there to forever remain

---

Another poem I come across in my mom's book. Now I know where my emo-ness comes from. :P Ahem, something we could all take a leaf from huh? This 'siu sa'-ness. ^_^

Girls Girls Girls

2009-05-23T22:58:00.003+08:00

Sweet and feline are girls
Ribbon and hair in curls
Elfish, cute and lovable
Selfish, vain and fickle

Frisky, cheeky in a twinkle
Uncertain, coy and hysterical
Full of tears, laughter and giggles
Receptive, perceptive and mystical

Carefree, divine and whimsical
Sophisticated, glamorous and regal
Curvaceous- born to wriggle
Rosy cheek and lovely dimple
Ravishing even with pimples
Adorable, charming and angelical

Love them, their joy sore to sky
Kiss them, they become demurely shy
Tease them, they coquettishly wink their eyes
Bully them, they will cry
Until their tears run dry

Make them curious, they will pry
Unwilling to reveal, they will soothingly lie
Flatter them, they willingly comply
Spite them, their venom will dangerously fly

Among themselves, either friendly or sly
For boys, they sacrifice, cook and fry
For passionate love, the devil they defy

Accommodate them, their demands multiply
Deny their wishes, they unceremoniously say
"Goodbye"
Girls are girls, DON'T ASK WHY.

---

Something I found in my mom's poem book :) I think she jot it down from somewhere years ago. Cute ain't it?

Little Things That I Miss Out

2009-05-17T19:15:00.012+08:00

To tell the truth, these few days has been a little down on my side. I'm not sure why. But I guess it's just normal for a human being to be down sometimes. A person couldn't possibly be happy all the time. That would be disastrous. With no downs, how can you know you're up? It will be a non-feeling thing.

When I'm down, I'm quiet. And I began to start noticing things that I had let my down-ness blind me. Little things that people do for me. Unspoken actions, so obvious, but yet oblivious to me.

My dad, he's a quiet man. He seldom talks. He's like the walking brand of a real man. Seriously. He's quiet. He's humble. He's a gentleman. He treats his family right. He does what a husband, a dad and family man does and he does it right. My dad and me, we don't bond through much talking, like I said, he's a man. He don't ask much. But doesn't mean he doesn't care. I guess he got all the juicy gossips from my mum. :) We bond through his unspoken actions.

You know, every night, he goes down to the kitchen and cook us supper. I could always hear him, working downstairs. The sound of the microwave opening and closing, the alarm ticking, the stirring of homemade coffee. He would bring the food right up to us. And he would watch us eating happily and he's happy just like that. He like listening to us yapping away as we eat, commenting on the food, enjoying the delicacies. He would also buy fruits in a whole load, and make us juice, or just cut us fruits as supper because he knows we don't eat veggies.

I feel very bad, like a spoilt princess. I usually wake up late, especially on weekends, and everyone would have had their breakfast already. And my dad, he would specially cook me my breakfast. Like the egg tart that day. I really don't like egg tarts and I can't really forced them down. I want to, but I can't. So I didn't had any. My dad, he didn't scold me but cook me hotdogs instead. He's afraid I'm hungry. He didn't say anything but just cook it and bring it up for me. I didn't feel much at that time because I was busy playing Scrabble online. But now that I think back, I feel very much loved and at the same time guilty. I'm so bad! Feel like crying.. I'm really a very bad daughter. Sob.

My whole family knows I'm a movie addict. I love watching movies, especially horror. My dad, while buying breakfast, he would scroll around for horror movie and buy me dvds. You know what, I woke up today and found three dvds lying on top of my laptop. Like, it's awaiting my viewing. I bet my mum put it there after my dad bought it. :) My parent are so sweet and loving.. and I truly feel blessed.

My mum loves to talk. That's how we bond, anyway. But I've been down for awhile, and I was being really quiet. My mum wanted to query but she just end up pretending nonchalant. Or rather just be quiet and hang around until one day when I finally wanted to talk. She didn't force me. She was just around. Like what Soon Kit's status says, 'Sometimes, you just want someone you're comfortable with to be silent with.' And I appreciate her efforts. I know it's difficult not voicing out what you want to voice out but instead just keep your mouth shut. Same gang of people here, remember? :)

At times, my mum would give me occasional hugs, and kisses. Sometimes, I felt bad being silent for so long. And then, I'll open up and we will chat and chat and chat till the wee hours. Just two nights ago, we chat till 5.30am. And she's happy.

That's how we bond. My dad and me, unspoken actions. My mom and me, verbal communication. :) My siblings and me, unspoken understanding. It's nice being home after sometime outside. A little motherly touch here and there, and you're whole again.

And lets face it, life is good. I mean, Stephan ask me out again! Though I couldn't possibly make this date possible like what happen the last two time, still, it's good to know he hasn't forgotten about me. And still wants to hang out with me. That's really very sweet. :)

Plus, I got to know I have something sueannish. Which I never thought I had. :) Hahaha. Can't wait to know what it is. I'm really curious, mister. It better not be a pig, okay? And ps: You make great company. So maybe, you can get your 70/30. Wow, then I guess, I have to be ready to pack then. ^_^

Finally, I have a bunch of friends who care for me. Whom I can go to for help, whom give great advice, or just call to chit chat. Life IS good. I'm just to blinded with self-pity that I didn't notice. Well, I do now. And it's time to relive my life. :) Thanks you all, whomever who did help me. Intentionally or unintentionally, thanks!~

Little Manhattan

2009-05-14T00:14:00.006+08:00

Just a movie I need to get my mind off my emo-ness. 'Little Manhattan' certainly live up to my expectation. Such a sweet touching love story of a 10 year old boy. You may think it's small potatoes compared to what grown up have to face, still, you'll be surprise.

There's a quote from the movie that says, "There comes a moment in everyone's life, when everything changes, and life is never the same again."

The movie sincerely describe how love could bring utmost joy and happiness into someone's life and at the same time cause the most excruciating pain no physical wound could ever inflict. How love could drastically change what used to be. For those who have yet to experience this life-changing experience, you're bound to. And when you do, that's the first time love has ever truly touch you.

The movie talks about the wonders of first love.

Remember the first time your heart beats, hard against your ribs and you find it hard to breath and your face flushes, the first time you truly sees him and realize he meant something to you.

Remember the initial contact, shy, awkward, embarrassed, but the eagerness to know what's to come.

Remember the first time you secure or been asked a date, the scream of joy that rose inside you that make you want to jump up into the air and says 'YES!'.

Remember your first touch, how did you start holding hands. Was it shy? Was it awkward? Was it sweet? The anticipation just before, the wait, the final boost of courage before finally making the move? And when you finally hold hands, remember how did it feels like? Safe? Close? Sweet?

Remember your first goodbye? How did it go? Are you reluctant to leave his car? Are you hesitating at your doorsteps? Do you want to leave with something more to keep you company at night? Did you feel the urge to go with a little more than a simple goodbye? A kiss? A hug? A peck? Or did your courage failed and you ending up with s simple wave and a smile? And later at night was beside yourself with regret and saying stuff like 'I hate myself!', 'I'm a wimp.'?

Remember your first insecureness? When you want to know in return how he feels about you? Is it both way or is it a one way thing? He loves me. He loves me not. -gasp- Is that a sign? Is he into me too? The nagging feeling in your gut. The restlessness. The butterflies. The sleepless night.

And finally, remember your first heartache? The feeling that consume you and leave you nothing but tears and sorrow and an empty feeling in your heart. You feel like something is twisting inside you, feeling that you would never be whole again. Never the same. You cried buckets of tears. You make a fuss. And you say things that you later regret ever saying.

The movie also tells why do people grow apart from one another. Why loves fade.

"When small matters are left unsaid, things will still remain the same. But as time grows, small matters add up. And many things are left unsaid. And when the time is long enough, there's nothing more left to say."

"So why didn't you just say them?"

Sometimes, with love, you just have to let it out. Let everything hang out there. Everything left unsaid, just speak up. Quote the movie,:

"I love you, Rosemary."

"I'm sorry."

"I don't hate you, I could never hate you."

Even a 10 years old boy have the courage to speak up. And voice up all the pent up feeling. Do you?

MYC School Promotion

2009-05-12T11:46:00.001+08:00

I didn't know I would have such fun promoting!! Now my enthusiasm is coming back in four fold. Weee!~

I started out dreading to promote. Promoting is not one of my best skills. Mainly because I never did any promotion before. A big step out of my comfort zone. When Amanda and Chin Chin both ask for my help to promote MYC in my old school, HSBM, I was reluctant but yet, still, I want to do my share in MYC, so though not feeling really up to it, I agreed. I was really very dreadful.

And then yesterday, Jin Long call and ask me to help promote to Jit Sin too! I'm like, "????" Well, since I'm already planning to promote today, "Why not? Just add another school to my list."

Last night, I spend the whole day mind mapping how am I going to go about it. When I want to do something, I make damn sure I do it right. I don't like wasting my efforts. First thing that comes to mind is, what materials am I going to offer them? I don't have poster and I don't want to print them. One school 3 posters. I rather focus on something else.

I was thinking of photostatting the poster and post it up on every class notice board. But then, it'll be too black. When discuss with Chin Chin, she came up with a brilliant plan! Flyers! Now I'm more confident going to school, at least with something solid at hand. I don't like walking in blindly.

Yet, I still can't sleep. Toss around thinking, what to do, how to do, what to say. I guess its the newbie syndrome. Butterflies in my stomach. I finally give up sleeping and went to do some finishing touch on the materials needed, going through what to bring, etc. Went back to sleep and I think all I dream about is 'promoting promoting promoting'. Now I understand what Sin Ying and Amanda is going through.

Woke up, and the funniest thing is, without doing anything, not yet even showered, I call up Jit Sin, counseling teacher, Puan Agnes, to confirm the appointment. Turns out she don't know a thing about MYC. Mis-communication. She thought we're going to organize the conference at Jit Sin! Lol! We had quite some chat and she is delighted to meet me later in the morning. Cool!~

I showered and as I was changing, my mum call, and I ask her for my old school number. My brother is still studying there, so it natural that my mum have the school number stamped into her brain. I call and reconfirm the appointment with the PK-Coco, Encik Zulkarnain. He speaks real soft, I could hardly hear him. People need to speak up! I concluded that he's willing to see me later in the morning as well. Cool!~

Now problem is, what to dress? AIESEC T or formal? I end up wearing formal. At least, people would think I'm on something serious, and entertain me. Hate to wait around. And be referred to here and there. And here's the cool part ! Hehe.

My very supportive dad fetch me to school and wait while I go about doing my stuff. Ahem ahem. Know what happen? The student thought I was a teacher! And the cutest part of it all is that they actually wish me 'Selamat pagi, cikgu'. I'm like "????" Now I know how teachers must have felt like. Such a nice feeling. Eh bangga :)

Not only that but they look really cute, small and timid, oh my god! I wanted to laugh but I control. Image image. ;) This goes on until I reach the office, which actually was relocated somewhere else since the last time I've been there. Many are willing to help me find the office. Now I know HSBM student are damn polite! Cheers!

Encik Zulkarnain is extremely friendly. Same PK-Coco when I was here. He thinks I'm familiar. Which is a good thing, because he never taught me, and yet, I still look familiar. At least I didn't blend into the walls of HSBM. He is extremely willing to help promote MYC to the student. But I kind of think he's a 'Yes, man.' Yes, yes, yes. Which makes me think, is he for real or not? He said he will announced it during the assembly tomorrow. I'll have my spy check on it (my brother). We chit chat awhile and then I'm off. Nice man. And yes, I distributed the flyers as well.

Then off to Jit Sin. This is a little scary. I've never been to Jit Sin before. Plus its a chinese school. Awkward.. Jit Sin culture is entirely different. They don't greet but they bowed to their teacher. And yes, yours truly received quite a number of bows today. :) Make me feel like a king. Hahahaha! I found the counseling room easily. But she was busy, so I had to wait for awhile.

I heard JPAs JPAs all the time she was talking with her student. My.. These people are studious. I was in the conjoining room. And after awhile, I heard hasten footsteps and Puan Agnes appears. We sit and chat, about MYC and some informal talk. She is one friendly woman. People like this, Sue Ann like. Make my day and also my job easier. Jit Sin focus mainly on Lower Six though. Apparently F5 student will not attend due to SPM. :) Again, studious people. I hand in all the material and hope I could stay in touch with her. :)

And my job is done! Yay! It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Definitely get my spirits rolling. I was in a holiday mood for far too long, my spirit has been dampen for quite some time. Now, its roaring back again. So you see, ways to motivate me is not by snide remarking me, or comparing me to others but to give me jobs. :) Simple as that. My previous 50/50 attendance for MYC has now increase to 60/40!

Maybe you'll see me there! ^_^ Don't give up hope, Mr. H!

ps: I had such fun impersonating a teacher for a day! Felt good! Hehe ;)

Loyalty

2009-04-29T14:39:00.004+08:00

To be loyal or not to be loyal? That's the question. But not on my mind. I'm tired of taking quizzes that said I'm unfaithful, hard to be loyal, a cheater bla bla. I don't cheat! One thing I know for sure, is that.

I once had this guy friend, not my boyfriend, nor was he my typical friend (this is the kind of things that leads me to promiscuity, I guess) and he did voice out a concern which he doesn't need to worry about in the first place! At all.

He is constantly worrying if I could be faithful. Being me, well, I just love shooting people. What right do you have to ask me that? You're not even my boyfriend. Duh. I never gave him an answer. Why should I? You want to be a jerk, well, two can play that game.

If he was to commit himself to the relationship, I can hundred percent assure you, I'm a loyal person. IF you're to commit.. Keyword: commitment.

Whenever I was with someone, I always said, I rather you have sex with another girl than having you fall for her.

You know why?

Sex is just a physical thingy. It's no big deal to me, though I know it's a big deal for almost everyone. But my psychology is simple. Sex= pleasure. No bonding. No sharing. No emotions. No feelings. It's just a need. Nothing else. You could have sex with a handsome hot guy but you may not develop the feelings you feel with an average good guy.

So the worse thing that could happen in a relationship is when the guy falls for another woman. Then, there will be no turning back. At all.

You see, to me, a heart could only love enough for one person. No more than that. And if you ever did fall for another person, means you're out of my life for good. Not a decision I make, but rather just the inevitable ending. Since you have fallen for another girl, it isn't me you wanted anymore, it isn't me who could make you happy anymore. You no longer feel connected to me. Well, it's pointless of me to try to hold you down. I rather let you go.

I do not deny that I have the promiscuous tendency. I always think lust is my weak point. But that doesn't mean I'm not a loyal person. If I were to commit myself to another person, I could really be loyal. Loyalty is everything to me, loyalty of the heart, I mean. I stay true, and I hope you do so to.

I don't expect to find you soon.

A guy who could accept me for who I am, and willing to spend his time, effort to try to share, bond, and experience life little pleasure with is the you I will eventually find and love. :)

Pleasure Is My Life?

2009-04-27T19:24:00.003+08:00

I just played a quiz 'What type of person are you?' and I got 'Hedonist'. For a second, I thought, okay, what's that?? Read the description and, hmm not bad. I could live with that.

I googled. And this is what I got.

"Hedonism is a school of philosophy which argues that pleasure has an ultimate importance and is the most important pursuit of humanity."

Ring a bell anyone? People who says I'm evil or selfish? Here you go. Time to say, "See, I told you so."

Is pleasure the only importance in my life? Maybe. Sometimes, my actions has proven it's right. I always want what I want. And am stubborn on getting it. I disregard anything else that gets in the way. I was said to be the now/present person. People like this, they are irresponsible, unruly. Know why? Because they live for the now, and whatever happen next, they don't care. They'll deal with what comes later. A reason why they're always optimistic.

Being the person that I am, I know I'm a very bad person. I'm not worthy of anyone. But the ironic part is that, I'm damn self assured. Basically too confident for my own good. Even though I know, no one could possibly like me for me, I still go around introducing the real me to the world. A little bit stupid, don't you think?

Brandon said I'm like a puppy he knew. Sniff sniff here, lick lick there. Leaving my dirty paw prints everywhere. I cannot sit still, I love new things. So why not explore?

But what I think he's trying to say here is that I jump from here to there very fast. A fact which I don't deny. :) But occasionally a puppy could stumble upon an old but familiar rug, a scent that even a puppy couldn't forget. And if someone try to snatch it away from it, it will nip and bite, or even give a woofy snarl. Sometimes, it's human nature to want to stay put with something they're comfortable and familiar with. Like the old familiar rug, snuggling into the comfort it provides.

Brandon also said that I'm like a F1 race car. Very fast. Too spontaneous. Never think, just do. If you're lucky, you win the race. If you're unlucky, you crash. "That's why you always hantuk kepala." That's how he usually puts it.

An optimist, as I always was, and hope always will be, even if I crash, as long as I didn't die in that race, I'm always up for yet another one. With each new race come a new exhilarating feeling. It's never the same. And did I mention I love variety? Ah, yes. I did. :)

So all in all, I'm glad that I'm a hedonist. As a hedonist, I think I live life to the fullest. No worries, no limits. Just fun, adventure, pleasure, accomplishment of one owns desire and more fun. I daresay, who'll have more fun than a hedonist? ;) hahaha!

ps: I'm just happy that I am one, I never for one said, it's an ideal type. Not trying to start a controversial topic here. But whoever feels like a fight, feel free. I'm always ready for a battle. :)

Reintegration

2009-04-27T02:21:00.005+08:00

I'm back home for a day and a half. I feel the reintegration process moving up the notch with every hour. Reintegrated back to the old me. I guess I'm a pretty good chameleon which can turn color in all situation. Well, lets just say it's a strong point of mine. Adaptable.

My mom kidnap me to the sofa and lock me in. I took a cushion and take it as my headrest. Getting ready for a long talk. Set my laptop music, to a soothing volume. Find a cozy position. Breathe. Smile. "Yes, what do you wanna talk about?"

So we talk. Or rather my mom talk. I listen. On and on she went. Well, she focus on me first. She talks about my AIESEC thingy that is going to take up most of my holidays, she talks about how she misses me, she asks about my life back at UPM, she asks about how I'm feeling, and of course the inevitable topic. I just nod and smile most of the time. I don't really feel the need to say anything anymore. Or maybe that's me with nothing to say. I really got no comment. I sincerely am not thinking no more. I keep my peace. :)

Since she couldn't get me to respond, so she turn her focus on herself. She told me how she felt, she told me this and that, that and this. I just look at her. Smiling. Until a certain point, when I felt my eyes watered. I don't know why, but yes, my eyes were brimming. I just sigh.

She asked why I suddenly cried, and I just smile and say, "It's nothing."

And then she told me, "Among so many guys, I never seen you cry before. Freddy doesn't count because that was you crying because you're over-stressed. This is the first time I see you cry because of some guy. You must really like him."

Do I? Only me can answer that.

"I really don't appreciate people who bully my daughter one. I very 'sam thong' one you know.."

"It's really nothing la. I'm sleepy I guess. You know my eyes memang like that one ma. Watery eyes. Don't think too much la."

"Plus, it's your daughter who likes people. People got the right to don't like your daughter one. It no one fault but mine alone."

And on she go again. My dear old mom. :) Always the worry-wart. But this time, I can't respond because I really don't care anymore. No matter what, it's out of my control. So why think?

Things always happen for a reason. If it seem bad now, well, it may be a blessing in disguise. If it seem good now, it may be the devil in disguise. What is meant to be will be. No point fighting the current. It's time for me to lay back and relax and let the wave wash over me, let the current take me to wherever it is that I'm supposed to be.

Just let be..

I don't want to care anymore. Your life, your call.

End The First Year

2009-04-25T10:14:00.002+08:00

With a blink of an eye, this is the end of my first year in UPM. This is fast! Sudden feeling of nostalgia.. So many memories. So many faces. So many experience. Good and bad, but still, stories in the life of Sue Ann. All stored in one year.

AIESEC, studies, adventure, and most importantly, FRIENDs! How can I ever thanks my Lady Luck for giving me a life here in UPM? Life is good here. No matter what shit the world throws at me, the good ALWAYs trumps over the bad. I love it here! -muacks!-

I'll miss everyone of you! Please say you'll miss me too! >.< And don't forget me!

Till I'm back again~ :)

I very 'mg seh tak' you all!!! Sob.

A Not-Execution Day

2009-04-24T14:46:00.003+08:00

The time comes when it's the semester break period. I'm half happy, half sad. Happy that I could go home, but sad because I have to leave all my friends behind. I'll miss hanging out with them, mamak everyday, randomness most of the time, idiotic occasionally ;) They are one cool bunch.

Though I'm coming back occasionally, for Transition Camp (Wolverine ya?), NPC (Ipoh, too bad), Miracle Youth Conference (don't think I'll be able to go out though, it'll occupy most of my time already, so sad) and finally NATCON (another killing conference). I'm sure I'll have the time of my life in all these conferences and activity, a total different kind, of course. Well, life is full of variety, and variety is what keep life interesting.

If only I'm going for the date tonight, I'm sure I could sense the approaching of a blossoming friendship. A new breath into my very rigid life nowadays. Something different. Something new. Unfortunately, I could not go. Not that I don't want to but it's costly (time, effort, and risky too). Too bad. Getting to know people is one of my favorite part in friendship making. The initial understanding, background researching, non-stop flowing conversation over a cup of coffee. Sounds like such fun time ahead and yet, I couldn't go. Not only that but I get to have a sleepover. I never try sleepover before. It sounds fun. Sob.

It's such a good day to try things that you never tried before. I even woke up at 5am today just to go hiking! My sis always invited me to go hiking with her bunch of friends, but at home, I just don't have the mood to wake up this early. Unfortunately, a twist of events, and I didn't get to do any hiking. Lol. I guess it's a good day for initiative and resolution but not a good day for execution.

Friday, 24th April. Where everything didn't work. I'm still holding on to some miracle happenings. There's still 9 hour left before the 25th. I'm still optimistic to having a great night. Plans plans plans!

Wish me luck!

Jackpot

2009-04-24T05:28:00.000+08:00

You really did hit the jackpot this time. The one real thing that ensure my moving on is you having another girl, being with another girl, or whatever it is that involve another girl (keyword, a girl I know you like, no offense to the girl, i sincerely respect you, you're one great competitor and I'm a good loser =P), too bad, I'm out. Sayonara. I know I am always second best, but one thing I know for sure is, I don't want to put myself in that position. One sure way and you hit it. Now I don't have a choice whether to cling on or move on, you've made it up for me. Thank you!

And tata~ (to the feelings, I never said anything about friendship) ;) so yeah, cheerio! See ya around mister!

Randomness

2009-04-23T13:00:00.000+08:00

Let's just see what's in this brain of mine at the moment.

Life can both be miserable or happy. Depends on how you want it to be. If you had the say in making things better and you choose not to, well, the misery is well deserved. Don't go about complaining about it then. Step up your game and do what you think is right. Don't keep sitting on the fence. I heard it'll cause infertility. :) Be a man mister.

Life is short. Don't waste it. For me, the most important thing in life is to embrace all opportunity. Whenever I hear a knock on my door, I don't hesitate to answer it. You'll never know what may come your way. It may be shitty things but it may also be a golden chance. If you don't open, you'll lose both. No risks, no gain. I never say no. Life is full of opportunities, no matter how extreme, how ridiculous, how unexpected, learn to embrace it. You'll only live 50% of your life if you live in fear.

People come and go. Some just to say hello, some to make you smile, some to make you cry, and even some just to walk you through a chapter of your life. Some you willingly let them go, but some it will sadden you when you see them leave. Some entered your life unexpectedly, surprising you. But you'll never know what this entrance will mean to you. Is he here to bring you laughter? Is he here to help you through a period of darkness? What is he here for? That will remain a mystery until the day he passes you by.

I heard a song playing today, "Never Had A Dream Come True". It was playing this when I pass the store, '..Even though I pretend that I've move on, you'll always be my baby..' I smile. I guess I'm one big great pretender. Which reminds me of this other song, "Great Pretender". The more I seem okay, maybe that's just me trying to fool myself into thinking that I'm actually okay. Self-denial isn't alien to me. Am I actually hurting inside? I really don't know. Well, so long as I can't feel it now, that's all that matters.

Second best. It always seem like it. I'm good. But I'm never good enough. The feeling sucks, but I guess I'm used to it. What's a girl to do but accept that, that's the way it is? And it will never change. I'm quickly traded in. I guess I don't bring significance into people's life. Just something that is JUST there.

It's getting hard to breath. My heart is heavy. My eyes weigh. What's to come, comes eventually.. Time to face it.

D For?

2009-04-21T18:00:00.003+08:00

I just had my accounts paper this fateful afternoon. I entered the Hall Of Doom approximately 2pm. Everything was quiet, anticipating the death of a young girl, who is wide-eyely innocent to the danger of this thing call 'numbers'.

I went in.

I sit.

I stared.

I blanked.

I panicked.

I scribbled.

I numbed.

I look around.

I close the paper.

I went out.

I give up.. sob.

I really see a D looming in the horizon. I already got a C in Technique Quantitative! Oh god, how I hate numbers.. Sue Ann, you better get A for all your other subjects. -wink wink- I already had 3 A's under my sleeve. I just need more. Yes, gimme more. I love A's. A's stands for Ann. I love me. ;)

What does D stands for? Hate D. Hate C.

Anyway, I'm a very free human starting of this very minute. Call me out! I don't want to be bored to death! Lunch, tea, dinner, supper, midnight snacks (provided I get to stay over at your home, I've got curfew sob) whatever it is. No breakfast though. Not an early bird I must say. :) so ask/ call however you want to put it.

Merci!

I Want To Forget

2009-04-21T10:16:00.006+08:00

And yet, I don't. I should forget. And yet, I don't want to. What is it about you that make me cling on so hard? Did you put a spell on me? -skeptical look-

I don't think I can ever forget you. Not by choice anyway. I may forget you gradually, but as for now, at this very moment, I don't think i can nor will I. 2 month down the road, not being able to see you, I sincerely fear I would eventually move on. You see my dilemma here? I should be moving on, and subconsciously I know I can, but then I don't want to.

I just love rotten apples.

Thanks for the answer anyway. I have sense it long ago and I've not got the courage to ask you straightforwardly. I want to hear it, but then again, I don't. It hurts. A lot. Like a needle twisting in my heart. It's dulling now. But occasionally, I still feel a pin prick or two.

I could only blame myself why you decided this way. -slap self-

I don't know what it is about you that gets to me. Your smile. Your sense of humor. Your laid back style. Your demeanor. The way you carry yourself. Your gentlemanliness. Your dedication in whatever things you're concentrating on. Your friendliness. Who knows which one of these things that attracts me to you?

I'm not all the Now person you know. I did think what it would be like if I were to seriously be with you. You don't know half of what I tried to make it possible. But I guess, not all fruits grow from your labor.

Like I told you long before, I take rejection well. And now, you finally rejected me. At least now I know what you want.

I promise, no more emo-sms spamming from me. No more random messages. No more confession. No more emotional feeling thingy from me. I'll bother you no more. =) I know it would not be fun having a person constantly pouring her feelings out when you couldn't reciprocate it. Well, no more! You may enjoy your peace. But you'll still be seeing me around. Too bad we hang with the same bunch of people. You'll just have to bear with it!

This is the last time you'll see me saying this.

To me, it's no longer like anymore. I could say, I'm in love with you. When you can't stop thinking of someone, take not only yours but their's feeling into consideration, get worried when things were out of the ordinary, ready to always give because you wanted to, be able to accept him as all he is, I don't think it's like anymore.

It's no longer the initial attractions. You're still hot as hell, but I'm into you. Not your body, not your cuteness.

I'm ready to be faithfully yours, but I guess that would never happen now, would it?

Every time I see your face, my heart smiles.. (It's a song, you're not the only one with random songs, you know)

There's so much more that I wanted to say but I just can't seem to put it in words. Words has finally fail me. How you made me feel, is out of my vocabulary.

I don't hate that I love you so. It's both my blessing and a curse.

Accounts No Fun

2009-04-21T10:11:00.001+08:00

Accounts is terrible. I'm giving up on it! And yet, why do I feel this pressure inside me that cannot be subsided? On the outside, I'm so relax, I really am relax. I studied, but merely skimming through. But on the inside, damn tension! How am I going to sit for a paper in which i just merely skimmed through? Sue Ann, you wanna die is that it??

I'm not feeling all too good..sob

"I love you, you don't love me,
We can never be a family,
With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you,
Time to say goodbye to you."

Accounting, you sucks...

One Day Spontaneous Trip

2009-04-19T01:33:00.002+08:00

I open my eyes. And turn over. Finding a more comfortable spot. Beneath the blanket, when Sin Ying said, "Wanna go Mines today?" And I'm like, "Wanna study la.."

One minute later..

I turn around, stood up. "You're sure you're going? Wait me 30 minutes. I go bath." So much for my studying. I showered, and when I return to my room, Sin Ying was on the phone with Mr. Brandon. "He'll be here at twelve."

Oh my god! Gotta hurry!

Luckily I got ready in time. =) Went down to the car, and off we go to god know where. "Where do you ladies wanna eat?" "Driver decides lor." Pusing pusing, we ate at Pau Long (unsure whether I spelled it right).

"So later we all go fetch interns ya." Mr Brandon announced just like that. I'm like okay.. So much for my Mines. We packed into the small Kenari and who did we see coming in from another lane, Mr Kaiser Lu! With his parent, ahem, someone got to see their in-laws.

One hour to go before fetching interns..

"So what wanna do now?" "Go library! Study!" "Eh, I wearing shorts la.." "Let's go see the tree we planted during last MYC."

So off we go, to this big field or forest kind of place near the gold club. Do you know that I'm afraid of greens? It totally spooked me out. Well, after walking under the scorching sun for about 10 minutes, we arrived at the 'plantation'. No trees in sight. Ahem. "Where were the small tress you planted?" "I think it got covered by the weeds."

Back to the car. Pusing pusing we decided to settle down at K5 hall, "Got fan ma..and air-con and plasma tv." Sat and crap till it's about time to leave.

Pick up Chin Chin and Wei Heng. Okay. Imagine a small Kenari fitting Mr. Brandon, Miss Amanda, Miss Sin Ying, Miss Chin Chin, Mr. Wei Heng and yours truly. "You wanna get saman ar?" So we decide to take public transport.

Parked at Bandar Tssik Selatan and took the LRT to KL Sentral. I had to say it was a hot day for exercise.

Ring Ring~ Diana the intern is calling. "Hello, I'm still stuck at Immigration." Oops. We had to wait another hour for her to reach. What to do? "Let's go McD!" "I want a sundae!"

We chit chat again till, Ring Ring~ "Hi, I'm here."

Off to Starbuck we went. Diana is one pretty lady. O.o

"Get a cab." "There's only primer cab left." "Let's use the LRT then." Reached Bangsar and we took a cab to Stephan, the other intern's home.

Ding Dong~ "HELLO!!" A shocked but pleasantly surprise Stephan greet the door. And this is where it gets interesting. Is he hot! Phew! Got my alarm ringing. Well, guess I'm not the only alligator in the house, but Miss Chin Chin has her eyes on him as well. Hmmm.. Well, competition make him all the more interesting.

"Hi, my name is Sue Ann." "Hi, I'm Stephan."

Yada Yada Yada..

And we ate at the famous 'banana leaves' mamak. I don't eat vegetables.. so guess what, I have to eat the side orders. Well, it was delicious. We were all damn full afterward. Looking forward to the walk to the LRT.

"Hey, do you have a number? Can I call you when I want to?" "Sure, but you have to give me yours caused I don't remember my new number." And TADAH! We'll keep in touch, don't you worry.

The walk to LRT is a really long one. Phew, am I perspiring. Got a little headache from all the activity of the day. Finally got into Brandon's car, and I just slumped. Worse case scenario was, I had my OB paper the next day! And I got 4 big long boring tedious chapter to go.. Aaaaaaargh!

Slept at 4am, accompanying Mr Book. Oh, was he a great lover. I'm too damn tired to lift my arm afterward.

See what I mean by a day of spontaneity?

The day after..

11.40am, ahem, Mr Stephan messaged!! Though I messaged him the night before first, nevertheless, a progress. =) Slow and steady does the job.

I Love Me

2009-04-16T18:56:00.001+08:00

I love me. Yes, I definitely love myself. I love being me. I love the person that I am right at this moment. I love the way I think, the way I see life, the things I enjoy. I just love life. As me.

I love myself. My faults and all. To err is to human. There’s no perfect people, and to be flawless, it can be a huge strain. It’s good to be flawed. At least people won’t expect too much of you, in which you can’t deliver. Life is always at a balance. There’s no right or wrong, just decision. Same goes for flaws. Who says flaws are all bad? It’s call personality traits. Who’s to say which personality traits is more desirable than the other?

I’m stubborn, yes. But that’s only because I’m strong-willed. Strong principled. I stand my ground. I have passion for particular issues, in which I will not compromise. The I-am-right attitude, yes, it will no doubt make you ignorant to other perspectives, but do we really need more perspective in life? More options? I know options are good, they make you understand why people act a certain way, makes you empathize, but to be presented with more options to handle, what do you think will happen? Most probably, you’ll end up on the fence. Neither here nor there. And you will lose yourself in the process. Lost your objectivity, the thing that make you, you.

Like what I am now. I can no longer differentiate right from wrong. Why? Because I have seen the argument both way.

I’m selfish. But who doesn’t? Every single person has this trait in him or her. It’s more towards how they want to act. The extend of my selfishness is to make sure I get what I’m here for and not let anyone take advantage of me. To be selfish means you care about yourself, point made: You love yourself. Don’t tell me you rather have someone trampled all over you like a cardboard? Telling you what to do, deciding everything for you, pulling you by your nose. Giving and being generous is good, but giving to the extend of ‘whatever’ is not okay!

I used to always say ‘whatever’ but I’ve stop now. I hate that word. To not care, is the biggest insult you can give someone, ever.

Well, I can admit that I’m not as innocent as I may look. But I bet most of you know that by now. I didn’t exactly kept it a secret anyway. I’m open minded. I’m a flirt. I’m even lustful. I get close with people easily. I love intimacy. I don’t mind admitting it. I like the feeling of hugging someone close enough to feel his heat, the beating of his heart, his arms around my waist. I like the feeling of holding hands, finger interlinking one another, keeping my hands warm, making me feel safe. I love the softness of his lips, feel the warmth of his tongue when we kiss. I love the feel of my hand stroking the side of his face, teasing his hair, his ear, his chin. I love putting my hands around his neck, bring him close. The feeling makes me feel so alive!

Safe to say not everyone agrees with me. But this is how I think. I uphold intimacy. I love being close with people. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to get physical! But you’ll be so wrong if you think I’ll get physical with just anyone. I can tell you one thing, I only love intimacy with people I shared a certain ‘chemistry’ with. You can try, but don’t bother.

Like I said, I’m not perfect. Yet, I like this person that I am. I’m free, optimistic, unburden, ambitious. A whole life awaits me. If you don’t love yourself, you only live life 50%. It may be a sin to fully accept the human pleasure, materiality. But I live for the now, and I always try to make life a happy one for me. With no regrets.

Friends Or Tools?

2009-04-13T21:17:00.005+08:00

I was sitting in the car chatting happily with Freddy when this thought struck me. Do I categorize all my friends? And why the category? Is it wrong to categorize them and gain some or other kind of benefits or pleasure from each category? Doesn't this make friends seems like a tool?

I realize I can have a great time, chit chatting with Freddy. Telling lame joke, snide remarks, kid around, laugh. Just feel plain happy and at ease. Very relaxed and comfortable. I can be this way when I'm with him, in which I couldn't when I'm in another crowd. Why though? Does it mean that people DO act differently according to the people they mixed with? And what make us act the way we do with certain people and not the others?

With Sin Ying, I guess she's more like my guide and big sister, which is weird because I AM older. By two years in fact. But when she's around, I don't feel like I have to worry. She's always there to guide me, help me. I feel like a kiddy beside her. Sometimes, what she say could really astound you. Things that you wouldn't even think of. Some deep meaning to life. With her around, I act crazy. Maybe it's because she act crazy too. I become sociable. I become approachable. I possess a whole new different image. I don't know why, I just do. Am I a chameleon?

I yet again gain something different when I' hanging out with Kaiser and the gang. I become quite talkative, weirdly energetic and crap a lot. Seriously crapping. Teasing, I would say dominate it all. I still do laugh, kid around, joke, smile, but I don't know, the feeling is different from those I felt when I'm with Freddy. More contain, more to myself. Like I'm constrained somehow. But I do gained lots of energy, excitement and randomness when I'm out with them. Maybe they're energy packs that come in the form of human bodies.

They are also some whom I am physically attracted to. And they are the ones whom I flirt with, gain some spices in life, be romantically involved or take a roller coaster ride with. They become the source of my passion, lust, wants, needs. Only with them am I able to feel that chemistry, the fast beating of the heart, the slow rushing of breath, the glaze of the eyes, the tingling of the body, the wanting, the need. They are the one that I truly get disoriented and lost all sense of reasoning. With them, it's all about the now and spontaniety. Getting intimate with, being close to, physical and spiritual bonding, they are whom who make me feel alive, wanted, loved and yes, alive.

But I don't like splitting my friends this way. It's like I'm using them in a way. I don't like the feeling of using people. Maybe the same thing goes around. I use you, you use me. But is that what friendship is about? Using each other? There's a saying in chinese that says, "Friends are to be manipulated." Is it true? It just doesn't seem fair. You could not just be friend with someone for that something that you can gain from them. It just seems wrong. I just suddenly got this nagging feeling that everyone should be equal and receive the same treatment.

But then again, people do play different roles in life and in communities and between friend. Is it so inconceivable that they act differently according to the situation? The scenario? What is expected of them? Like I say, roles. Friends, tutor, son, daughter, student, worker, colleagues, boyfriend/ girlfriend, lover, etc. What does that mean then?

Oh my god, I'm contradicting myself bad! I could no longer see the lines. The lines are all blurred. I couldn't distinguish what is and what is not any longer. It's like the chinese mantra, where you say things that equals to you not saying anything. There's no point to be made. There's no right nor wrong. Because right is wrong and wrong is right.

What am I trying to say here? I, myself do not know. One of the most confusing and pointless post yet. What would happen to a person who really could no longer tell the right from wrong? When everything just seem to be in between? No longer black and white but shades of grey.

That's the person I fear I'm about to be.

Maybe the source of my confusion and frustration (I know it is) is that I wanted to combine the roles that my friends play. All in one. Wouldn't that be the best? The fact remains that I still sell fish.

-It's hard to choose between comfort and pleasure. Why couldn't they come in one package??-

Happy Birthday Mom!

2009-04-13T13:13:00.018+08:00

Happy Birthday!

---

Specially for you, Mom.

You're my mommy,
You'll will always be my only mommy in the whole wide world,
Sometimes, I disappoint,
Sometimes, I'm ungrateful,
Sometimes, I'm a brat,
Sometimes, I hurt you,
Sometimes, I shocked you,
Sometimes, I just took you for granted,
Sometimes, you feel sad,
Sometimes, you feel you should just give up,
Sometimes, you're infuriated,
Sometimes, you just want to snap some sense into me,
But after all up and down,
You're still my mommy,
Always am Always will.
And you know what's the best part is?
You and me,
We share everything,
We share hope, dream, ambition, opinion, life philosophies even arguments,
We understand each other best,
I know you and you know me like no one else in the world would,
We don't keep secrets from each other,
Isn't that the best?
No secrets, no walls, no nothing, pure nakedness
Isn't that why we triumphed?
We don't let anything, anyone, any problem between us,
We're like best friend,
I could walk with you in my arm at the mall,
And when I see a cute guy,
"Omg, did you see that guy? He's so cute! Think he glanced at me? ;)"
I could have girly talks with you,
Lying in bed for hours till 3 4am talking and talking,
I could spend hours and hours in the mall looking for clothes, debating
I could come to you whenever I feel like I need a shoulder to cry on,
When some nasty guy break my heart,
and you would say,
"It's okay dear, you'll always have your old mommy home to come back to,"
And I would feel safe and loved again,
I could call you up every night and complain,
And you would listen patiently to my rants,
You meant the world to me,
Without you, I'll be so lost
No one to guide me,
No one to teach me,
No one to support me,
No one to back me up,
As mother and daughter,
Things weren't always a bed of roses,
Things never were,
There are times when we disagree harshly,
There are times when we fight,
There are time when I wouldn't listen,
There are times when I do things that will hurt you,
There are time when I do things that makes you just want to give up,
There are times when things aren't as good as it used to between us,
Times when we're awkward,
Times when we're could not openly let our feelings out,
Times when things just doesn't feels right,
And I hate every minute of it.
So on this day, your birthday
I just want to wish you a very Happy Birthday
and say sorry to all the things that I've done that have hurt you.
I love you

---

May all your wish comes true!

ps: I had to publish this early. I don't think the line tonight will allow me to blogspot =) Hope you don't mind. And yes, I did not forget your birthday. -muacks-

A Friend Indeed

2009-04-13T11:21:00.006+08:00

Dedicated to you. Please don't think I'm cheesy. This is a sign of appreciation.

I'm not going to tell your name here, I KNOW if I do, man, will you be floating high up in the air and be more intolerable than usual. You know who you are. Anonymity is crucial for my very own well being.

You're full of crap, and yet when listened to more closely, it ain't no crap. You're quite scarily true at times. I must admit, I never think the way you do. We have entirely different concept. I could never be like you, I guess. Positive equilibrium. You always make the first move for a better future, a better relationship. Which I find amazing, because I for one, am not going to do anything about it. Why treat a person who doesn't even want to like you, talk to you or be friends with you that good? Why bother? I would just ignore. Negative equilibrium. But you on the other hand, still keep trying to mend things. I don't want to admit it in front of you, but I think that's a very noble thing to do.

You always struck me as selfish too. And when you say you would 'ta pao' for me, I was quite speechless for awhile. Downright stump. My mind work like hell trying to figure out why would you do that? I could feel my brains literally 'moved'. Why would you drive all the way here just to bring me food and then go back? That's so not you. I know I complained I'm hungry, and I haven't ate a thing, but I thought you would just ignore me like usual. I mean, you DO always ignore me. Shocking, really. But I have to say, that's very sweet of you.

Plus, I'm nearly half-dead from boringness, suffocation and hunger. When you agreed to take me out, I nearly jump up and scream! Yay! Sometimes, you can be quite good. At times, you could really get on my nerve.. Seriously. Only you can make me this annoyed at times. And I know it's your pleasure. You're one very perverse person. Sadistic. -shake head-

Another thing you do that weird me out. Why are you pestering me to study so much? Lol. I didn't know I had a dad here in KL (must be jumping up and down now). Daddy.. Why do you care whether I studied a not? Keep bombarding me with 3.0 going to 2.0 or remarks like zero-looming in the horizon.. Really, you want me to study that bad? Attempting to motivate me by punching straight for my dead-zone, food. I don't care, 3.0 above, belanja Chillies! I DO study, you know. I'm just plain dumb when it comes to numbers.

Which bring me to another point. You're willing to waste your time helping me study! What the heck. I'm like totally.. Who are you and what have you done to my friend? I, myself, am tired and totally don't feel like studying and you on the other hand, are willing to spend your energy trying to understand what my notes is saying. And did a better job than me! I'm like, wow, you really do try. And you supposedly know nothing about technique quantitative and yet, you tried to understand, read it, THINK. That is one heck of an inspiration for me, right then and there.

I can't believe you actually help me googled the problem and send me a copy of the note. First, I must make clear, I'm not uninitiated, the line just suck here (now, it seems even worse). Forget about it. Back to topic. You actually volunteer to read it during lunch? I suddenly feel I'm so lucky. I won't be able to score, that I'm sure of, but at least, maybe I won't fail? Maybe I'm the one who should be offering to belanja Chillies.

See, I'm dedicating a post just for you. I know it's not much, but I'm seriously broke, so if you're hoping for a free meal or something, too bad! Maybe some day, but not anytime soon. Maybe I should try being like you, do nice things because I feel like doing so. But.. I'm evil. Sin Ying always says so. Sob.

Thanks a lot for your help these past few weeks. Though you constantly complain, which annoyed me tremendously, you still help. You're really a good friend to have, no wonder you're chosen as best man. Good thinking, your CG leader. Smart man.

I may not say anything, but that doesn't mean I don't notice. I do notice and I do appreciate. =) I'm not all that selfish, cold-blooded person you like to say I am. Hey, learn to see me in a different perspective! Don't always look at my boobs (though I know it's hard since you're leveled with them) HAHAHA! It's no wonder I name you nasty-thoughts. Don't think I didn't notice =P I always DO.

ps: I hope we remain friends even when you found yourself a new girlfriend. I sometimes hope that day doesn't come. Bluek!

I'm just joking +) Kiddo..

Unwarranted Answers

2009-04-12T13:11:00.002+08:00

Do you really expect an answer when you ask a question? I know some people who don't. They just ask to make you think. Like Brandon for example, he told me, he has long stop expecting answers now. His point is to get you to think about it. People would think it stupid asking a question without wanting to know the answer. Well, some questions have a myriad of answers. Some questions, none.

I ask questions, not expecting an answer. Asking a question could express more than a sentence could. Because a question holds a million possibilities. By asking a question, you do not have to explain what it is that you want to say, rather have the person think about it themselves. It by no coincidence that most of my blog entries started off with a question, and end with another. Like I say, I love playing with words. Words are interesting.

Yet, I find myself unable to ask the question that I wanted to ask the most. I never ask, maybe because I know I would never get an answer. And by asking, you're forcing an answer out of him. And I don't want that. So, I merely just say what is on my mind. I can only say what I feel, I could not hope to say what you feel, for I am not you, I will never know what you feel. Unless you decided to tell me. When the time is right, when you're ready, I know you would.

You not replying, there would only be two variable. I could only assume, I could only guess. It's a temporarily relief from the pain of not knowing. Human are still human, they will always find ways to rid themselves of pain. It's either by lies or denials. Well, for one, you honestly do not know what to say. You're either confused, undecided, or just need more time. For the other part, you don't know how to say it without hurting me. And therefore, you resorted to saying nothing. So, both were bad news. It doesn't matter which one it is, the result are still the same.

I'm okay. Well, this isn't the first time this happens. I'm getting used to it. The time will come when I would feel numb ongoing to indifference. When the time do come, I know time has heal.

Busy Busy Busy + Stressed = :'(

2009-04-08T18:24:00.006+08:00

Sob. Sniff.

Things to do:

1. Exam clashes, sort it out (number 1 headache).
2. Public speaking presentation tomorrow, complete it.
3. Accounting tutorial notes, borrow and photostat (from who? Amanda? =P please be reading this)
4. Technique quantitative and accounting, figure out how the tutorial % is counted (why is it so unclear?).
5. Figure how to do tech. quan and accounting (numbers sucks).
7. Finals!!! (study timetable, faster do!)
8. Stressed.. Sob.

I can't deal with anything anymore!

Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

-I just want to be a baby again-

Smiles

2009-04-07T16:31:00.005+08:00

Smile. Have you ever noticed how easily puppies make human friends? Yet all they do is wag their tails and fall over. ~Walter Anderson, The Confidence Course, 1997

Before you put on a frown, make absolutely sure there are no smiles available. ~Jim Beggs

A smile is an inexpensive way to change your looks. ~Charles Gordy

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been. ~Mark Twain, Following the Equator

I've never seen a smiling face that was not beautiful. ~Author Unknown

A laugh is a smile that bursts. ~Mary H. Waldrip

The shortest distance between two people is a smile. ~Author Unknown

Everytime you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing. ~Mother Teresa

A friendly look, a kindly smile, one good act, and life's worthwhile. ~Author Unknown

A kind heart is a fountain of gladness, making everything in its vicinity freshen into smiles. ~Washington Irving

Beauty is power; a smile is its sword. ~Charles Reade

All the statistics in the world can't measure the warmth of a smile. ~Chris Hart

If you would like to spoil the day for a grouch, give him a smile. ~Author Unknown

A smile is a powerful weapon; you can even break ice with it. ~Author Unknown

A smile is something you can't give away; it always comes back to you. ~Author Unknown

A smile costs nothing but gives much. It enriches those who receive without making poorer those who give. It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever. None is so rich or mighty that he cannot get along without it and none is so poor that he cannot be made rich by it. Yet a smile cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away. Some people are too tired to give you a smile. Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give. ~Author Unknown

Indian Dance Performance

2009-04-05T12:49:00.004+08:00

-before and after.. noticeably different-

-preparations.. it is always a dull thing-

-finally, all dress up!-

-mr. Freddy Teo and me-

-introducing the dancers!-

-our formal pose of the day, TADAH!-

I forced myself to wake up. Lights were blinding me. Hate the mornings. Mornings make me grouchy. If I wasn't afraid the bus might just leave me behind, I would have reset the alarm an hour later. Too bad.. I woke, bathed while Sin Ying and Amanda slept. They shared a bed. -cough cough-

When I reach Astaka Seni, guess what, there was only three people there. 9am and the bus 'supposedly' move. And I was there 9am sharp. Wow, rare. See, I prioritize. Anyway, long frustrating story short, the bus move at 10am. One hour of sleep just flew me by. Sob.

Central market. We had been forewarn that there are many pickpockets around. And two girls had gone missing just a few days before. We were told not to wander around on our own. We had a short rehearsal. And went for some food.

1pm. We were at the studio. Waiting to get dress. Like usual, getting make ups done usually do take a long long time. But this time, getting dressed is a far more tedious job. The amount of assessories they had. The hairdo alone took I-don't-know-how-long. But the output was simply marverlous! Its breathtaking. I look like a picture from the Indian classical books!! Wow, were we colorful.

ps: I hate the makeup though. Real thick. And it smells bad. Its not even in my skin tone!!

Double Take

2009-04-03T18:54:00.008+08:00

Remember in the last post 'I Am A Dumb Ass', where I said I don't feel remorse, guilt or any other feeling a human person should be feeling?

That was bullshit.

Now I understand what it means when people says, 'Everyday, you learn a little something about yourself.' All those feeling that I say I never did felt before come rushing in one go. When the paradox-ness of it hits me, I start to wonder why.

I found the answer. I was a hermit. An anti-social. I always work alone. No more than one friend to keep me company. No obligations, no responsibilities, no social ties, no nothing. No one to answer to but myself. And whatever I do, I only answer to myself. Why feel remorse or anything at all when you, yourself have all the right to do it to yourself?

Don't get me wrong. I do have responsibilities. I am my parent's daughter. I am a student. But ever since I was born, I am both. I know all there is to know about the job's description. Plus, I have a loving parent and family who loves me. Support me. Teach me. We share everything, discuss everything, talk about anything. We're an open book. Life couldn't be anymore easier being the daughter of Mr. and Mrs. Yeoh, a caring, devoted, loving and undoubtedly the two most important people in my life.

When my mum is mad, she says so. What's bothering her, she told me so. Any conflicts we had, we sort it out. She's honest with her feeling. And vice versa. That is how I am brought up to be. Its hard for me to not say what my heart wanted to say. Sometimes, I may say the most inappropriate things ever, at the worst situation, at the worst timing. Something that shouldn't be said. And I said it.

Which leads me back to my topic of the day. I never got into trouble with being stupidly blunt, you know why? Because I WAS a hermit. Whom can I offend? Whom can I disappoint? Whom can I make mad? No one but me and my family. Whom are already so accustomed to it that it doesn't bother them anymore.

Same goes with my friend. I had her and she had me. We're both the same kind of person. We don't hang out in crowds. We just look out for each other. And being friends for 7 years, when I was less blunt then, she grew accustomed to it as well. The fact still remains that, yes, I am anti-social. Socializing is so alien to me. But I tried it anyway.

I blundered. I screw up.

And all those feelings that never had touched me before, shot straight at me. I never felt so bad. To let people I care about down, to disappoint, its such a sucky feeling. Guilt is the worst of it. It's gnawing at the bottom of my heart. And it doesn't wear off!

I once had this feeling before but never this intense. Proof I am still human, that people actually have high hopes on me, and in the end, I disappoint. During my school days, teachers usually are fond of me, but as the anti-social idiot that I am, I just do my thing. I don't take the time to get to know them, I don't long talks with them. I just came to school, study, do my thing as a student. I am a nerd. I never disappoint them because I did what a student should be doing. And I never cared much about them. Writing this, I realize what a jerk I was.

But thing is different with one of the teacher. I was in form 2 and I had this one sir, who is really really fond of me. He had high hopes on me. He often says so. What he thinks I would be, what he think I can achieve. I grew fond of him eventually. I typically feel bonded if people show their vulnerable side of themselves, share their life story, their feelings.

I didn't manage to complete one of his assignments. He noted that he was disappointed. And that time, was the moment that I felt this pang of guilt purging me. I hate letting people, whom I care what they thought of me, down. After that, I never wanted to feel that again.

I succeeded. I manage to devoid myself from it for 6 years.

But now, I never felt worse. I am not making excuses for what I did. There is no excuses. And sorry just doesn't cut it. Sorry no cure. Sorry is pointless. It took a lot for me to say that. The word 'Sorry' doesn't come easily to me. Its been like such a long time since I said that word, and mean it. To mean it when I said that, its like losing part of myself in the process. Yes, I guess Brandon was right when he said I'm egoistic.

I am such a crappy human being. Good for nothing. I don't think I had any good points. All I have is a characteristic that is bad, bad, bad and bad again.

Maybe I should stick to what I'm good as. A hermit. Once a hermit, stay a hermit.

I hate learning, especially those in which you had to fall first to learn the lesson. Yet, I have to learn to grow. I wish there are some better ways in which I could learn. I'm tired of falling. This time, I feel I don't have the courage to stand up again anymore. Why stand when standing is tough?

Maybe that's the reason why I secretly wish I am evil. Evil don't feel a thing. Sadly, I don't think I can ever be evil enough.

I hope this feeling will come to pass..

To Love Is

2009-04-01T01:02:00.005+08:00

When you find someone you can really be yourself with,

Share anything,

Like a best friend,

When you can't even start imagining how life will be like without the other person,

When words don't come close to how your heart really feels,

And even though it doesn't make sense to other people,

You know you're meant to be together,

And you spend all night thinking about them,

And in the morning you never feel more rested,

And it feels like you had to grab hold onto something,

Because it seems like your whole body is about to float away.

(quoted from the movie 'The Hot Chick.')

---

Sometimes, I still miss having you around. All I can think about is you. I try not to. Sometimes, it succeed. Sometimes, it don't. But when the times come when I do think about you, a small part of me just want to do something, to make me feel better. A little something. An action. A thought. Some words. At least after doing that, I could sleep peacefully.

I know I should stop. And that is why I'm controlling, budgeting to small actions, words. No more than that. Baby steps. Once in a blue moon, I may think of you. And when I do, you'll know it. I am not a mysterious person, nor neither do I keep secrets.

I doubt that you realize it, or even appreciate it. But until the blue moon stops coming, you'll still have a little token now and then. I hope the day comes sooner, and then you and I, we can be free.

---

Fear Of The Unknown

2009-03-31T18:31:00.003+08:00

Do you fear the unknown? Or are you compelled towards the unknown? Are you curious? Or afraid? I am for one am curious and yet, afraid of the unknown. Especially my future. After talking to most people who are about to graduate soon (Cafrey and Kaiser, for instance), I feel myself, entirely NOT ready to get into the human resource pool.

What abilities do I have that others don't? What makes me a better candidate compared to other? When I graduate, I am one of the million graduates out there with a degree in hand. What makes me stand out from the rest? Is it my smile? My personality? My brain? What quality do I possess? I am still not sure. Maybe that is why I am still a first year student.

I used to envision the future. All well planned ahead. Step by step, what I should do first, what step to take next. But what I haven't envision is the possibility of failure. Wai Leong was right, I am sometimes overconfident that I neglected or oversee some factors that contribute a lot more than it seems. I go assuming I'm well prepared for it, but the fact remains that I AM underprepared.

This is a once in a lifetime chance, which only come once and I don't want to botch that up. I want to go into the interview room and strike at the heart. One strike, straight shot. So, now what? How am I going to prepare myself for it? What is the first thing I need? What skills? What quality they want? Or are looking for? I should really start researching now. 2 more years down the road and I will be there..

Everyone have their childhood dreams. What they want to achieve in life. What future they foresee themselves in. Their life. Their aspiration. But not many achieve them. Not many at all. Which is what scares me the most. What if?..

I hate 'What If?' It is like a question mark in our life, forever remain unanswered. A nagging feeling that life could have been different. What if I had choose to do this instead of that? What if I had choose not to enter university and go on straight for my dreams? But in the end, like my fellow Aiesecers always say, its not the end results that matters (I am forever a result-oriented person, thought trying hard not to be so stubborn), it is the way you achive your end result that Matters. The process. Enjoy the process, and still make it to the end result, that is the Supreme way of doing things.

Back to the topic, the unknown. I fear it. But I also am curious about it. "Life would be a whole lot less interesting if robbed of such grand surprises," a quote from a book I just read, Dean Koontz 'Lightning'.

Finally, I'm back on track.

I Am A Dumb Ass

2009-03-27T23:44:00.003+08:00

Truth is, I AM a dumb ass. Seriously, no doubt about that.

I admit I did some pretty stupid stuff in life. Always have and I assume always will. But why do I keep doing it? Because I am a dumb ass who knows no better. It's call knowing you're dumb but persisting to continue being dumb makes you dumber. Sue Ann, you're a dumb ass, you!

Where's your integrity? Where's your dignity? Have you no self-worth at all? Maybe I don't.

I do have the tendency to devalue or degrade myself. That's what I do. And to think people actually thought I'm confident. What a joke, man, what a joke. "Looks ARE deceiving."

Oddly enough, I don't feel much. Who cares what I'd do to myself? Who cares at all? I don't. I know I 'should' be feeling something, but frankly I don't. Its me, and who to violate me but me, myself. Yes, everything is about me. I sell fish too.

I don't feel guilt. I don't feel remorse. I don't feel regret. Am I truly that evil that I couldn't feel anything that God want us, human, to feel? To sin and to confess, God always forgives those who remorsed. So, what does that says about me? I pride myself with my favorite quote, "No regrets, no matter what," but now I find myself questioning, "Why is that?"

If you feel no remorse for what you did, will you ever be a better person? I doubt so.

I'm doomed to be dumb ass my whole life. And feel nothing about it. Still feeling nothing about it. Just mere question. With little or no curiosity to know the answer.

I do want to care. I really do. But I can't seem to make myself do.

Maybe, subconsciously, I sense, if I do care, I fear I may crumble into a heap and may never stand up again for all the sins that I have commit, I may never be cleansed thoroughly or be purify off it. Never. I'm marked.

Pride. Gluttony. Lust. Envy. I nearly made up the whole 7 deadly sins.

I truly don't have a conscience.

"The path to heaven or hell is made by the actions you take."

and I think my path is seal in concrete..

You Make Me So Hot!

2009-03-25T19:53:00.001+08:00

---

You're so good to me, baby, baby

I wanna lock you up in my closet, when no one's around
I wanna put your hand in my pocket, because you're allowed
I wanna drive you into the corner, and kiss you without a sound
I wanna stay this way forever, I'll say it loud
Now you're in and you can't get out

You make me so hot
Make me wanna drop
You're so ridiculous
I can barely stop
I can hardly breathe
You make me wanna scream
You're so fabulous
You're so good to me, baby, baby
You're so good to me, baby, baby

I can make you feel all better, just take it in
And I can show you all the places, you've never been
And I can make you say everything, that you never said
And I will let you do anything, again and again
Now you're in and you can't get out

You make me so hot
Make me wanna drop
You're so ridiculous
I can barely stop
I can hardly breathe
You make me wanna scream
You're so fabulous
You're so good to me, baby, baby
You're so good to me, baby, baby

Kiss me gently
Always I know
Hold me, love me
Don't ever go, oh oh oh...
Yeah!

You make me so hot
Make me wanna drop
You're so ridiculous
I can barely stop
I can hardly breathe
You make me wanna scream
You're so fabulous
You're so good to me

You make me so hot
Make me wanna drop
You're so ridiculous
I can barely stop
I can hardly breathe
You make me wanna scream
You're so fabulous
You're so good to me, baby, baby
You're so good to me, baby, baby

You're so good

---

You make me so hot, yes.
I miss you, no.
I want you, yes.
Be with you, no.
You're a dumb ass, yes.
I'm a saint, no.

You make me so hot!
Can't you feel that I need you right now?

-wink double wink-

To Move On Is To

2009-03-25T12:45:00.000+08:00

1. Be able to be friends again, without thinking about possibilities.

2. Be able to face him again, and not blocking him on MSN, avoiding or running.

3. Be able to call him up, hear his voice again and talk crap or random stuff.

4. Be able to look at him and just see him, and not the tiny details.

5. Be able to sincerely give your advise on what gifts to buy a girl, and seriously critic his judgment.

6. Be able to joke about your history, or talk about it like it is just merely a statement/ a fact.

7. Be able to tell him what irritates and annoys you, even voice your anger at him.

8. Be able to tell him the truth about himself, even if you know he wouldn't like hearing it.

Ex-es make the best of friend IF ever you got over him/ her. They know you, both personally and intimately. And who best to go to when in times of need, but them? You shared not only history but also the mutual attraction in the first place. So if you got an ex as your best friend. Well, it can be said that you find a life-long friend.

I always try to remain friends with all my ex-es, well, with exception of my first few ones, when I was a newbie and didn't know how to handle things well. Now that I'm no longer a supervirgin, I would be a fool not to be able to move on healthily.

First thing you need to do before moving on, is making sure everything that needed to be said is said. Get to know the what, why, when, where, how. And lastly, what he thinks. Closure is important (though I have a very unconventional method for finding closure, this, I'm not sharing, hehe). Find your own method.

Just my humble opinion. =)

So, hey, don't give me that weird questioning look when I said "I'm out having dinner with my ex!" +)

Serenity Is Inner Peace

2009-03-24T16:15:00.004+08:00

I woke up to the sound of thunder and heavy rain today. Miraculously, there wasn't any lightning. It would be quite frightening if lightning is involve. Either that or, I didn't open my eyes. Comfortably cuddling beneath my warm blanket, THAT is what I call Life.

You don't need sight to feel. Darkness, not the all so scary kind but 'lighted' darkness. In which you feel safe and warm. I could feel my blanket tangling itself around my body, the warmth it give, protecting me from the cold cold air. Digging my head deeper into my plushy pillow makes me feel all the more Cozy!!

Rain fall harder and harder, drowning all other sounds including my roomie's arousal. Subconsciously, I knew she's up but who cares!! I'm in my own world. Enjoying the splatter of raindrop against the window just behind me, the thunder rolling in the background. THAT is what I call real music!

I lay awhile in bed, mesmerize by what I'm feeling, true serenity and tranquility. Its such a nice, safe, content feeling. Life is good. I think I smiled. A small smile, hidden in the pillow. My sleeprodden hair, fall loosely across my face, keeping me all the more warm and fuzzy. The best thing is that, I'm wearing a nightie the night before, and feeling my blanket tangling itself around my bare legs, THAT is a really nice feeling.

I should really consider going to sleep nude. But I don't think it serves its purpose. I like blanket around my bare legs not body. Should definitely buy more nightie =P

Ohya, such a nice feeling, I couldn't help but share it with a friend of mine. Nice things ought to be shared.

I think I fall asleep again. Drifting in and out, dreamily.. Its been such a long time since I had such a nice sleep. The Serenity!! My god, how I miss the feeling. Can't believe I'm reliving it on a morning like this!

I woke up feeling much more energetic and filled with life. Especially more so when I walk out of kolej to see the air so clean and clear, the sky so bright and purifying, the streets showing evidence of recent downpour, looking real refreshing. I love the aftermath of a rainfall. It's so revitalizing.

I'm still bubbly from the contentment. =) A smile on my face.

A Moment Please?

2009-03-23T02:20:00.003+08:00

I just heard some really tragic news from my mum just now. And I seriously think I should really thanks the lady luck for her blessings. Its a narrow escape, dear. You'll never know. I never thought something like this could happen. Its like a very innocent thing. And yet, when tragedy decides to strike, who are we to query it?

(It kinds of reminds me of that time in Batu Feringgi right? When we saw dirty car on the side of the road, and little floodings everywhere?)

I'm just glad that you made it out fine. =)

So big thing didn't call me?? And you call yourself my sister? LOL!

Well, this seriously teaches you that life can be short. You wouldn't know what to expect next. Treasure every moment that you have now, and make the most out of it. Time to show you care and give some hugs. XOXO!

HUGS!

Time To Forgive And Forget

2009-03-20T21:14:00.002+08:00

It's okay that I can't be who I used to be. For better or worse, I have to move on. Signs are clear and bright. I want to remain friends. I don't want things to turn awkward and bitter between us. Things would be better if I could just let go.

Well, I am from this moment on, am letting go. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

Breath in, breath out. Keep that tranquility within.

Maybe I should find myself a new hobby or interest that could really interest me now. I'm turning 21 end of this year, so my as well, prep myself for a radical change. People changes. Changes is imminent. Its unpreventable. Its better to accept it than resist it.

Smile. And this time, genuinely.

There's a lesson to be learn in every chapter of your life. This is one of mine.

Thank you. It has been an invaluable experience.

Am I Still Human?

2009-03-20T17:05:00.005+08:00

It's 5pm in the evening. And guess what? I have yet to have anything in my stomach. Something is seriously wrong with me. My stomach have been growling for the past few hours and I just ignore it. What is wrong with me?? I used to regard food as the upmost pleasure in life. I cherish food. But today, I just can't seem to have the will to eat.

I tried everything that I could think of to move on. Get my old life back. I tried, god, did I try. But what used to capture my fascination, seem to have lost its appeal. Movies no longer capture my interest. I couldn't even go through 15 minutes into a movie without ending up clicking the 'x' button on the top right hand corner. Facebook has lost its appeal, to be the galore of gossips.

I try ignoring. I try blocking all contacts. I try avoiding. I try basically everything but everything proved to be failing miserably. I care to much to ignore. And when I did, I feel guilty. I feel bad. My friend was like, "You decided to ignore him, and now you're badgering me because you worried of him?? That's why I say, before you do something, think about the consequences." Yada yada yada. Like I don't know that, but I am at a dead end. There nothing else I could do but simply avoiding.

I couldn't escape, no matter how hard I try. My as well give in and accept the fact that he is here to stay. All I could do is smile, and hope he wouldn't notice, that I could no longer be the person that I used to be.

How could I do what I used to like doing, when so many thoughts occupy my mind? I don't even feel a thing (apart from a tiny disappointment) when I realize I failed my VP application. Things that matters, matters no more.

Even my conversation with my mum seems strained. I couldn't focus. Sorry, mum if I sounded tired or detached.

I'm glad I still have my friends, those who are constantly with me and those who can kidnap me out once a while, an occasional retreat from the people I always see and hang out with. I know you keep saying that I'm always just using you, for parasitic purposes, but truth is, I just want a companion (I'm sure you feel the same way, if not you wouldn't have entertained me even if I beg you to, right), to sit with and talk random stuff. A friend who could bring me out every so often. Every outing, away from UPM helps me think less.

I waaaaayyy to much a thinker. I hate it. Sometimes, things doesn't need to be analyze or rationalize. It doesn't have to make sense!

I found some clarity today. I got happier. At least I know he DOES feels. Even if not for me, at least for someone else. I always thought that you're indifferent, regard everything without much interest, not caring, that you could make do with anything. And that is what sadden me. To think that you don't care.

To know that you do feel deeply, and passionately for someone else, actually makes things easier for me. Quote both the movie and the book, "He's just not that into you." To know that you could care, but not for me, prove a lot. I could deal with harsh truth better than sugar-coated half-truth.

I hate not knowing what people think. That is why I value honesty so much. I am honest about my feelings, in hope that everyone else does the same. It makes communication much more easier. Less guesswork. Guesswork really drains me.

But, still, I always habor hope. I'm an optimist. If there's a will, there's a way. I'm not the kind who give second chance. I am the kind that give third, fourth, fifth chance. I give chances as long as he still matters, no matter what. Sounds degrading, yes, my mum used to tell me, "If you move three steps forward and still no response, its time to let go." But I can't, I'm sorry..

The time will come when I will forget. But till then, just hang in there, Sue Ann. You're strong. You will survive through, for the better or worse, at least you made it through.

---
(was halfway bloggin when..)

I am damned pissed. I haven't had my lunch nor dinner and it's already 6pm so please, don't toy with me. I know we always argue, but THIS is so not a time for that. I am damned stubborn at times, and this is one of them. Sorry you had to see me this way.

It wasn't my intention to storm out of your car and go straight back into kolej. But you had just strike a nerve. And at the most bad timing ever. Yup, it isn't one of my glorious moments, I have my faults. And yes, you had just stumble upon it. You're unlucky.

I'm sorry.

But in my defense, I did warned you that I'm not in the mood to play.

Sorry you had to waste your trip over.